I despise my family ***(sorry for the language) ***

[Kevin160]

AFTER TODAY, my hatred towards my shitty family has never been this bad

Today my family all had a fight , i cant stand it anymore , in a nutshell it didnt end well , and each family member did something today to piss me off and actually make me lose respect for them and a bit of trust ..they are so manipulative and they take advantage of me , i never hated them like i do now

My mom is a total bitch who treats me nicely when she wants money from me or my sisters , only to use them to go to cafes and clubs each night , each time i ask her for therapy, doctor appointments, car rides or anything , she says yes then she never fullfills her promises, i havent been to a doctor in so long and i have been asking her in so long , she doesnt care really and she makes me carry the responsibilities between her and dad, “tell this to your dad” “do this” “do that”, my mom just lets anyone take advantage of her from outside the family , maybe the same boyfriend who she is with on and off for the last 4 years who is worst person i met, but she is such an idiot who would never take an advice regrdless how many times he lied, cheated, and simply ghosted her , did horrible things, she always says she will never get back to him but every month or somthat happens for the last 4 years with no exaggeration so you can imagine how many times she was manipulated and im done honestly , i try my best to be the best son and respect her and do it alll for her but she doesnt treat me like the son i should be , and she treats people outside who dont deserve that nice treatment

My dad is an insane alcohol addict who is very manipulative, controlling , abusive and very very stubborn and never hears others, throughout my life and my mothers life, he never admitted he is wrong about anything,he doesnt have any friends because he believes he is superior to them , he always sees himself as god and everyone are his slaves , he never ever hears what i say and he sticks to his fucked up conspiracy theories that everyone just envies him and wants to take advantage of him and thats why he does weird shit ,he beat me and my family members at times , and he litteraly makes up problems or nothing , simple things turn to huge problems, he is also extremely sexist and always critizes women, and people in general , he is very racist too , fuck them both honestly what shitty parents

My sisters are not abusive or anything but i really believe they are crazy, im not afraid of them and i figh with them alot , but they are also manipulative , and take alot of advantage , like they always used to convince me to do things like sneak them into the house or out of it , bring boys over , not tell secrets i find out , hide things , tell lies , etc..

My mom even encouraged me to get a tattoo which she was against only when i said i would pay for hers , which symbolizes her and i really starting to hate

My brother is the sae as my dad, a drunk probably drugs imdont even know m and he has alot of mental issues which my parents supported while i was having anxiety yet no one wupported me and helped me , i really dont see them as a family and i wont really feel bad if we stopped talking or they move out, go , die i dont care about anything anymore, today has been so angry filled and after all i faced this year, i realized how short life is , and how you should not allow anyone not even family to take advantage of you , they try to make it subtle but its obvious , i hate them alot , and i dont wish bad for anyone but i really just wish i would grow ip , start earning , and stop being under their mercy because i need my life so i dont want to wish them bad but i really dont care about them and they deserve for what they keep doing to karma bite them in the ass

There is sooo much more to my family this is just the main recent things but they did so much that i find it hard to forgive , including my mom never defending me when my dad would hit me , or verbally abuse me , and cause problems out of air , and how my family always say im being a baby , or im not a man im a girl and i need a tampon because im acting like a lil girl , because i said more than once that i have anxiety disorder and panic attacks and alot more and i need therapy which they said i have to finance , like how .,? Yes i can save up i can pay for a couple sessions perhaps but why, im not asking for a kids toy , im not asking for some5ing , parents should be aware l i cant ever treat my son like that and ignore their needs and just not be there when they need anything , many things i dont have , postpone because i cant afford or get ..and its fine but they treat me so poorly and alot of things are not done right , they are not bad people, but they did bad things and each time i think it will get better but nithing does , fuck them honestly really one of the worst people can be your family

How will i ever trust people if i dont have a family that i can trust well, i mean i have severe trust issues where i do things that i wonder why like if i leave my wallet in my room and inhave someone over i look all over thinking it got stolen or something, i just think that im always hated or targeted and they did this to me , i dont know what to do , how can i trust and think people want what is best for me if my family doesnt ..even the people here , i feel i never getting the support i need and i can do it alone , so whats the solution , i really sometimes think i should not even be here , because i just feel so bad that i dont want to talk anymore or explain anything and i just feel hopeless, ..

[Agora1]

Oh Kevin, I am so glad you reached out today and so glad that I happen to see your

post. I guess I never realized how much is going on in your family. Is it any wonder

you have had such severe anxiety over this. I don't know how old you are, but definitely

need to be out of that situation. It's toxic and cruel. It doesn't sound like there is one

person you can turn to. I read each and every word of your post and yet I'm at a loss as

to which problem to address first. You've got so much going on.

Is there anyone outside of your family that you can go to and ask for help?

An adult family member, adult friend. You were just about out of that deep

dark hole more recently and I don't want today to send you back there.

I'm glad you trust us enough to bare your soul. You can't hold all these emotions

in any more. I agree in that you do need to be in therapy. Therapy more than

anything else. You need guidance in finding a way to a safe, sane place.

Keep safe Kevin. You mean a lot to this group. Don't give up. xx

[Kevin160 in reply to Agora1]

I just turned 18 but i havent even graduated highschool yet, and i can easily get out of there, even university wise im probably goin to continue my studiess near me , so i dont think i will move out , as i said sometimes its not unbearable and my family do have their good times, my mom still cares sometimes but i just think she went through alot that she thinks because most of her kids grew up its ok to act like this which is so wrong ..se still has to set an example and i havent matured that much to treat me like that ..and all family members can be horrible honestly and have been for years , i tried to convince myself that its fine and all families have problems and fights, but never have i seen a fmaily like mine

[Calm_mama]

Hi Kevin,

I'm sending you big, big hugs. This sounds like a truly terrible day for you. And a very complicated, dysfunctional family situation. You are absolutely right- you are the kid. 18 is still very much a kid. They are supposed to take care of YOU, not the other way around. Yet when parents can't parent because of their own problems or limitations, some kids are left to parent themselves. Not fair and not OK. You talk about the future- when you can be earn money, be self-sufficient, and be free and independent. That day will come and it will be incredibly liberating. What are your plans for the Fall? I come from a similarly dysfunctional family and let me say... heading off to college was a huge step in the right direction for my mental health. As for trust- I suspect that you will be able to trust certain people in time. There are some very mature, accountable, trustworthy people out there and some day you will find them. At some point you will get therapy, when the stars align. I know that you will not take a second of therapy for granted, and will probably get so much out of it. In the meantime, if you can try to put boundaries and limits on your family members' behaviors, that can really help. It sounds like you are sticking up for yourself wherever possible. That is good and I hope you keep doing that.

None of us can do it alone. I'm so glad you opened up and shared your situation and your feelings here today.

[Kevin160 in reply to Calm_mama]

Thank you so much, honestly the college thing is goin to be difficult because im likely to continue my studies in universities near me so i dont think i will move out soon ..but i mean at times it can be managed , they are not very bad and they have their good moments, but h

Yesterday it just came all at once , and i just felt so angry that they put money, and other relationships over me , which is so wrong

And they always just find ways to get what they want with no consideration if who it affects ..i know i will get therapy eventually , maybe not now but hopefully soon ..thanks for the support

[weegmack]

Kevin, my heart is so heavy for you. I’m so sorry you have to deal with such a horrible family. So dysfunctional. You have every right to feel as you do towards them. You are being bullied, manipulated and ridiculed. Plain and simple. This is toxic and you have to find a way of getting out of there.

My dad was a high functioning alcoholic - he had a very good job, which he was able to do, but he binge-drank all weekend. He was mentally abusive, occasionally physically violent and did unspeakable things. My mum did nothing to protect us from him. My sister is a manipulative bitch. I have some idea of what you are going through, but you have it a lot worse than I ever did. I’m also 44 and can keep my distance from my sister and my mum (to an extent) and my dad died a long time ago. You, however, are firmly stuck in there which is just unbearable for you.

Are you 18? Is there any way you can get out of there? You are being neglected and abused - you have been for your whole life by the sounds of it. Sending you strength and hugs ❤️

[Kevin160 in reply to weegmack]

I just turned 18 but its nit as easy to get out of there, i havent even graduated yet .. and i still have an A level exam in the middle of june , and im likely to continue my studies in a university near me , abroad is likely to be expensive and i doubt my family would pay for it

[Kevin160 in reply to weegmack]

At times i try tomnot get involved in their fights but sometimes they force me and i end up fighting with everyone and being targeted and mistreated by them all , and they just dont really have the concep of a family that they have to have certain boundsries and respect , they just all suck honestly but hopefully soon i can apply for unis and even if i stay at home it would calm a bit and i would have a bit of a distraction , im planning to move out at some time but i want to get a job after graduation and save up for a couple things

[weegmack in reply to Kevin160]

Kevin, I really think you should stay in halls of residence if you get into uni (which I’m sure you will!). I have two daughters, one at uni. We’re up in Scotland, so I do understand that our uni costs are very different. Do you think you’d be able to stay in students halls for your first year? Even if you are going locally, it would be a hell of a lot better than staying at your home. My eldest is going into third year at her uni in Glasgow and she’s moving into a flat with her boyfriend (thankfully, not because of her home life, because the pair of them are sick of commuting!). We only live 40 mins away from their student flat. I know lots of kids from our area who decided to stay in halls instead of rely on our crappy train service 😬.

You’re a young man, with your life ahead of you. If you could just get yourself out of there in the long term, it would just be so much healthier for you. In the meantime, don’t let their toxic behaviour colour your view of yourself. I did. And I’ve never regained my self- confidence and still can’t stand up to my mum, and I’m 44! Xx

[Kevin160 in reply to weegmack]

Yes you are totally right, i want to make a change and not let them ruin my life, i want to moove and possibly study abriad, i think it will be best for me to be alone or with friends that i get along wth, it will even benefit my anxiety , becaus i never knew my anxiety was caysed by them, i knew my family struggles added to it, but looking back all my fears and insecuritis, lack of confidence and thinking the world is a scary place was because of them, but its ok, i just want to avoid them and just live peacfully, i wanted to fight back, i wanted to to the same to them but i realized it wont benefit me ..im jus going tomfocus on my futuree , im pretty sure karma will get them and they will fight each ither like always and i wont be there to care or worry ovr it

[weegmack in reply to Kevin160]

Bless you. Sometimes the hardest thing to come to terms with is that we can’t change the people who hurt us. We almost make it our responsibility to change them, don’t we? But it’s futile.....

You’re stronger than you think and I just know you can hang on in there until you get out of there. In the meantime, just keep out of their way as much as you can. You say you have an A level coming up? Do you have a local library you could study in? Good luck with your A level too. Keep talking to us and feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to . Xx

[Kevin160 in reply to weegmack]

Well i finished most of my exams, and i have one left in a few days, things are a bit better today, except im feeling lonely and sad that im avoiding them and spending all the time outside of the house or in my room or just sitting alone in general

My heart palpitates when i overthink about things and fear takes over

[weegmack in reply to Kevin160]

I can understand that. I’ve been there when I was your age and younger. You don’t want to be around the people who hurt you, but because they’re your family, you feel isolated and lonely.

One day, you will make your way in the world and can have more control over the contact with your family. I really hope you can get into uni because most universities have very helpful counsellors. My daughter is at one of our unis in Glasgow and is seeing a counsellor who is wonderful (we were victims of a horrible crime....long story).

Just remember that you are a capable young man and that you don’t have to live like this. You’re stuck right now. But you should fight to get a place at a uni so that you can create some distance between you and your family. You don’t have to be like them, or put up with them. To have got through these exams with all this crap at home, shows me how strong you are. I’m thinking of you. Keep in touch xx

[Kevin160 in reply to weegmack]

I will dont worry thank you for all the support ❤️❤️

[weegmack in reply to Kevin160]

Here if you need me ❤️

[Michdau1]

My dear Kevin....You can love someone but not like them and we certainly can't choose our family. Love can be unconditional but your trust and respect are not. I wish you all the best. You are not alone. Thinking of you xxx

[Kevin160 in reply to Michdau1]

Thank you so much for all your support ❤️❤️

[Michdau1 in reply to Kevin160]

You're so welcome anytime xxx

[Pmum in reply to Kevin160]

I’m so sorry to hear that you are being treated this way. Is there counselling available at your school? A teacher that you could talk to? Some type of free community services you could reach out to? Even search some self help websites. Your Dad sounds like a narcissist and very unhappy with himself. Your Mum must have such low self worth and not feel good about herself either. I find writing things on paper help, just to get it out of your system, write whatever pops into your head, it doesn’t have to even make sense, then burn it to release it all away. I wish you all the very best and hope you get the help you need. 😊

[Kevin160 in reply to Pmum]

Thank you so much, my school doesnt offer any counselling , they used to but they fired the counselor and basically never replaced her , which is pretty stupid way to probably just cut costs on the expense of the kids who seriously need help ..

My dad really is a huge narcassist who sees himself as a god always, he treats all people horribly especially women and even disabled people, like wtf you should be ggrateful you are healthy unlike others how could you treat disabled people and people in general like that, whats ironic is that he is not even that successful , and he always says he knows whats best always and he is never wrong while he clearly is, no one likes him and no one cares about him and he is always thinking people are against him and envy him , like for what seriously..i hate him alot for all he did especially after hus drinking problems and tearing this family apart

[Kevin160 in reply to Pmum]

My mom used to be the kindest sweetest person, but after her marriage started taking a turn for the worse after my dads narcassistic characteristics and abusive habits and drinking problems and the affect on the whole family she slowly became severly depressed , it worsened after her cancer diagnosis and my dad saying that he doesnt want her anymore now that she is unhealthy and has scars , he called her deformed after her breast cancer surgery, and after their divorce and health problems she really gotten worse...but then she got much better after they divorced too because she started getting more freedom, experiencing life she didnt get to while being with a paranoid husband who thought having friends is for unsuccessful people

My mom got much better mentally and sometimes she still supports me , she loves me i know but her new attitude and behavior like teens is very damaging and unhealthy, because her kids may be grown but im still barely 18 ..like im still not independant and i need my mom to be there because i dont see anyone there with me

My brother is similar to my dad, and he always stands on his side when we fight , and hes abusive too sometimes , and also into drinking ..maybe drugs too i suspect, and he has mental issues