It happened again. I decided on my own that everyone in the room is judging me and are probably rude people in general. I was eating alone at a subway, which most people that were there were eating alone because we are on a college campus so that part was not unusual. But anyone that looked my way or happened to catch eyes with me I assumed they were talking shit, or judging me in some way. I knew what I was doing but I just couldn’t shake the thought.
I left earlier than I planned because I began to get anxious. My entire walk to the library (like 7 min) was filled with random scenarios where I tell someone off, or confront those giggling girls at subway who didn’t even notice me but I decided they must be talking about me.
I know I have anger issues but damn. I try so hard to keep positive thoughts but they disappear. I can’t focus enough to do it. Meditating doesn’t work for the same reason. Lately I can’t even read a paragraph without having to reread part of it because my mind drifted elsewhere. I almost wish something tragic happening to me is to blame for this so that I have a reason and a base to work from. But I admit I’ve had a pretty perfect life and childhood. My dad has a little bit of anxiety history but that’s it. So why