I feel out of control

[Sosa2017]

It happened again. I decided on my own that everyone in the room is judging me and are probably rude people in general. I was eating alone at a subway, which most people that were there were eating alone because we are on a college campus so that part was not unusual. But anyone that looked my way or happened to catch eyes with me I assumed they were talking shit, or judging me in some way. I knew what I was doing but I just couldn’t shake the thought.

I left earlier than I planned because I began to get anxious. My entire walk to the library (like 7 min) was filled with random scenarios where I tell someone off, or confront those giggling girls at subway who didn’t even notice me but I decided they must be talking about me.

I know I have anger issues but damn. I try so hard to keep positive thoughts but they disappear. I can’t focus enough to do it. Meditating doesn’t work for the same reason. Lately I can’t even read a paragraph without having to reread part of it because my mind drifted elsewhere. I almost wish something tragic happening to me is to blame for this so that I have a reason and a base to work from. But I admit I’ve had a pretty perfect life and childhood. My dad has a little bit of anxiety history but that’s it. So why

[Hidden]

Sosa why do you think everyone is judging you? In reality everyone is much too busy worrying about themselves to find the time, energy, and interest to bother overmuch with others. Are you so important to them that they will spend their energies on judging you?

By the same token you have decided they are all probably rude! Why would you think that? What evidence do you have of this?

You are deciding things without any evidence or proof and I think counselling could help you especially CBT. Any chance you could have some? x

[Sosa2017 in reply to Hidden]

I know right! I’m a ghost haha, I stay out of the way but my mind just jumps to these outrageous conclusions. And on a normal day, even if someone was doing that, I wouldn’t even care.

I think counseling would help too, I will find someone soon hopefully. Thanks

[Hidden in reply to Sosa2017]

I am glad you can see you are doing this. In psychology it's known as 'Magical Thinking' and also encompasses such things as knowing in advance what someone will say or how they will feel. x