With anxiety and depression I have good days and bad days. I don't know if my issues are telling me something, but they need to coordinate their agenda with the rest of my world.
I woke up this morning with high anxiety and depressed, I did not feel like getting up. This is the part where my illness and world collide. I did get up, a little late. and I made it into the office. Traffic sucked because I was running late and my head feels like a brick. If I had chosen to stay home things would be easier for me, but worse for my world. I push through these things every once in a while and It has always worked out, but it is like pushing a rope.
This is the part of mental illness that I find both confusing and interesting. What changed? Is there something in my diet that brings me down, is it weather related? I know that I can't fix things when I don't know what is wrong. I guess this is why acceptance is so important to me. I accept that I don't know what is wrong, maybe nothing. I accept that I am feeling down. I accept that it probably won't last. I even accept that some things won't get done.
The last one, things not getting done, is the hardest. That seems to be the issue that works against me the most. I don't get things done and the guilt and pressure builds, two things that contribute further to my issues. That's the viscous circle.
I think my only good exit from the circle is communication. I have to let those around me know how I am feeling, and that some things just are not going to get done. I still feel bad about feeling bad, but it will pass.