Mind roller coaster

[Callie429]

Hello, I’m new here. I joined because I need extra support dealing with my depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder. I see a therapist weekly and psychiatrist monthly. I want and need support from others that feel like their mind is a non stop roller coaster like mine. I would like to share experiences and coping skills with others. If anyone wants to talk.

[Iloveart7]

I'm here if you need to talk

[FightorFlight11]

I would be happy to talk. My mind, my emotions and my life in general is a roller coaster. I wish I could just flip a switch and turn off my brain. Its at its worst when I am not busy. The only thing that keeps me going are my kids.

[Callie429 in reply to FightorFlight11]

Yes, I agree. When I’m not busy is the worst. I feel like how do I get out of this when I’m struggling to stay alive. I thank god for my kids because they are the biggest reason to win this inner battle.

[FightorFlight11 in reply to Callie429]

To be honest, without my kids I am not sure whether or not I'd still be here. I'd like to think I'd have fought through just the same, but I definitely can't say for sure. The thought of taking myself away from them (although sometimes I think they'd be better off) is always what reigns me back in. It is certainly a good thing that we both have a reason to fight.

[Callie429 in reply to FightorFlight11]

Yes I agree. I like being able to talk with someone that’s going through what I am. This group literally understands personally. I go to therapy and take my medication but I needed more of a personal connection.

[FightorFlight11 in reply to Callie429]

Agreed. I do the same as well, but speaking with others that know what it is to deal with this on such an intimate level helps. I'm probably not on here as much as I need to be. I saw your profile and it looks as though we are of similar age and both parents so it is nice to speak with someone that can really relate.

[Callie429 in reply to FightorFlight11]

Agreed. I’m 37. I can be myself here. I can express my feelings without having to wear one of many mask to get by.

[FightorFlight11 in reply to Callie429]

Yes, it is nice to be open and not receive judgment. Just being me. I'm 39.

[FightorFlight11 in reply to Callie429]

When did you first start to struggle with depression and anxiety? Mine really began in my early teenage years.

[Callie429 in reply to FightorFlight11]

It started young. In elementary school when I was sexually abused the first time. No one paid attention. My parents had their issues which contributed. I began releasing it on other people and myself. Just kept getting worse.

[FightorFlight11 in reply to Callie429]

My God that is awful. I am so sorry to hear that. Mine stems from growing up as "the fat kid." The constant rejection from girls growing up drove me into horrible bouts of self loathing, self harm and self hatred and I also took it out on others. It has badly scarred me and lead to body dysmorphia and terrible romantic relationships throughout my early adult/adult life.

[Callie429 in reply to FightorFlight11]

Oh my, that’s horrible to be picked on and not feeling that you fit in. It’s sad how moments in our lives affect us after so many years. We sometimes manage to get through it alive but the scars and damage can not be erased or forgotten.

[FightorFlight11 in reply to Callie429]

It is terrible. It is extremely frustrating that stuff that happened so long ago can shape your life so much.

[Callie429 in reply to FightorFlight11]

I am here to talk when you like. I hope we can continue to speak.

[FightorFlight11 in reply to Callie429]

Thanks. Me too. I could really use some perspective on the below that I posted yesterday:

I could sure use some advice if anyone is willing to offer. After battling depression/anxiety myself for years (and I still do, everyday) I now find myself in a support role to my girlfriend (which is very new to me). Although I know what I want and need when I am in a depressive state of mind I have been at a loss to try and figure out what she needs from me. When I ask her "what do you want and need from me?" Her response is "don't ask me that. It puts too much pressure on me. I don't know what I need." I feel like everything I say or do is wrong. I try giving her space. I try sending her loving text messages. I try to get her to open up to me. She is in a very dark place right now and has a lot that has gone wrong in her life over the past few months. She was already dealing with a lot from her past to begin with.

I have read so many articles, so much advice, but I just can't figure out what the best way to support her is. I don't want to smother her when she needs space, but I also worry that if I back off too much she will think I don't care or I am going to leave.

Her depression/anxiety has also made her even more sensitive than she already was. She gets offended/takes personally almost anything I say or do and she knows she does this which I know is part of the reason she is keeping me somewhat at bay. She feels like a burden and told me she feels like she is ruining my life.

I tell her I'm not leaving, I tell her I love her, I send flowers, I write letters. I know in the state she is in that they don't illicit much of a response in her right now because she doesn't love herself, currently. Do I keep doing these things? Do I back off of doing these things? I just can't figure out what to do. I am worried about her and I care for her deeply. I just don't want to be shut out and she her continue in this downward spiral.

[Hidden]

Hi there I know really how you feel. As for myself I have been dealing with both anxiety and depression for over 12 years. I have a son in his mid 30's. He was diagnosed at 17 with Bipolar disorder. The early years of his diagnosis were really rough. We have 4 other children. He was hospitalized 3 times his first year. I was at this time driving trucks in and around the New England area. So I was not able to be at the family meetings. But the hospital was able to conference call do that helped a lot. I have been hospitalized 5 times myself. Do you have any siblings or close friends you can talk to? If you have someone that you can trust. I do not know where you live. NAMI offers a course that is free. It is called Family to Family. It is a 12 week course that helps family members cope and understand mental health disorders. I am sure if a close friend is ok to join. They deal with many aspects family dynamics,medication and many more. My wife and I took the program when my Son was diagnosed. There is plenty material they hand out. If you need any help in finding this program, please let me know and I will help you find one. My Son and I talk slot about his anxiety and depression also his Bipolar disorder. He is in construction and the latest job he has is a Project Manager in training. Come to find out he embellished a lot on his resume. So his employer wants him to take a pay cut. He said no, but this employer has been very understanding. My Son says that he feels a member of his family may have some kind of diagnosis. My Son does live with my wife and I. We live outside of Boston. I can't tell you how much having a good support system helps so much. Living in this area there is a Hospital called McLean Hospital. It is a in patient and partial program for people that need support. As for me I go there twice a week. I attend a Men's Group and also a Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) group. The CBT group helps you in trying to show you how to train yourself into changing your thought process. I have been in both groups 4 years and counting. I hope that some of this information helps. You may want to check your local Hospital to see if they may have a program or they may know of one. I hope that some of this information helps you. Keep in touch when you can. If I can help you in anyway let me know here and I will do my best to help. Take Care of yourself and remember one day at a time.

[Callie429]

You have definitely been through some rough times. Thanks for being here and sharing with me. Yes, I have siblings. Two live far away, one is very blunt and stern and my two brothers have their on issues but if I really really need them. I can call them. I also have a few friends that will listen. Mostly it’s me not wanting to bother or have people worrying about me. I heard briefly about NAMI. I will look more into seeking out support from them also. Thanks for sharing this with me. You have given me resources that I will for sure utilize. Glad to hear your son stood his ground on pay cut. One day at a time.

[Love888]

Hi Callie! I can completely relate. I’m new to this group but please feel free to reach out anytime 🙂

[Callie429 in reply to Love888]

Thank you, and please feel free to do the same. Since I got on here I feel a bit of ease that I am supported by so many people that can relate to me and others.

[Love888 in reply to Callie429]

Thank you! I’m still scared to open up since I feel crazy and have had a crazy life, but I’m hoping being in this group will help. I’m usually better at giving advice then taking my own.

[Callie429 in reply to Love888]

I completely understand. I felt like that setting up my account but then seeing all the support groups here and people from all over fighting the same inner battles as myself. Take your time and speak when you are ready. Since right now you are better at giving advice you can support others while getting your own support. I was told today from a fellow warrior to take it “one day at a time”

[aaronm]

You can message me anytime. I've been looking for friends who might want to talk also.

[Callie429 in reply to aaronm]

Thank you. I appreciate the offer. I would like for you to do the same. A few days here and I feel a bit uplifting.

[Callie429]

Okay, I just had a flashback to my relationship with my ex girlfriend. My advice for you is to not stop doing what you are doing. When I was in those moments I couldn’t be loving or anything like that. But I know that she cared and was there when or if I needed something. She knows how she is coming off to you and it hurts her but that’s just the battle she is fighting in her head. She wants to she appreciates what you are doing but it’s hard to be in two realities at once. I hope I explained it to were it was clear. Sometimes things don’t come out clearly as I see it in my head. My ex wanted me to be so open and to always communicate. She just didn’t understand that my life before her was not easy. So expressing myself was hard during episodes. She ended up leaving me. Before I used to wish that she would have stuck it out with me until I felt comfortable with letting her in that deep. I hope this helps a little.