Alone

I am trying so hard to understand how I can live in a house with 13 other people and feel so completely alone. I can't talk to any of them because to them my feelings are invalid and the only time they seem to care is when they want something from me. I am the one who everyone else yells at when they are in a bad mood because of other people and I'm completely tired of it. I am an easy target for everyone because I can't be mean and they all know I do not like confrontation. I just wish I had someone, anyone to talk to.

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  • You may want to see if there is a support group in your area. I have just started to attend one where about a dozen folks meet as a peer support group. Most have both depression and anxiety but some also have bipolar disorder and other behavioral disorders. This group is run by a facilitator who was trained by NIMA which has an office in this small city in Va. Hopefully you can find such a group in your area.

  • Thank you for the suggestion. I would love to do this but as I'm raising 7 kids and taking care of a very large household while working 2 jobs and going to school, this probably won't happen for me. lol Thank you anyway.

  • Hummmm. If you can't reassign some of the chores and responsibility of the household to some of the children and adults, there may not be much of you to do anything. Beaumonty hits the nail on the head. You need a 'refueling" time.

    Let's do the math....14 people in the house...8 are you and your 7 children, that leaves six people....are they family? Or paying boarders?

    Perhaps you might share some additional information as to the reason you are handling that large house of people, and are asking for someone to talk to (maybe the people are here in this venue), but then say you don't have time to attend a group near you....who are the other six people in your house who don't treat you well? Talk to us about that. How many sheets do you have to wash just to cover all those beds? :)

  • Its a very complicated situation. 2 of the adults in my house are disabled, 1 is an over the road truck driver, which is why I'm raising his 3 boys, 1 works all day and is pregnant, 1 works but does nothing else and 1 works but refuses to do anything that doesn't benefit her. As I am very intimidated by her, I will not go against her about anything. I know i am a coward but I don't like confrontation and fighting. I just wish I was a little stringer.

  • They need to be told that they also are a part of that house hold and you do things that aren't even yours such as their dirty laundry well you don't dirty it, if you cook you don't just cook for yourself, and you definitely don't dirty the house all by yourself. I would suggest that maybe you need to go away for a couple of days like check into a hotel and just get some you time. Go get a foot massage or something that is about and for you. Being away from all that and every one hopefully will make them appreciate and realize how important you are and what you do for them. Also I would just leave turn off the phone or just don't answer the calls or texts other then letting them you are ok but don't have them thinking that you'll be back that same day you need to be away for a few days atleast with very minimal if any in contact with anyone one text saying your ok should be enough

  • And I'm sure your not the only adult in that house hold so kids will be ok and you need to trust that they will be and the older ones will have to come off the bench and get in the game and be a team player. It's not like your leaving the kids to the wolves in the forest having to fend for themselves they will be ok if your gone for a few days.

  • Ok, lost you a bit when you were explaining about the two disabled adults.....and there is one adult who works and expecting a baby , one adult who works and does nothing around the house, and one who works and scares the hell out of you. And one is a truck driver and you are raising his children....can't tell how many of the children are the truck drivers and how many are yours.

    Hummmmm Just how large a house do you live in? And is the expected baby going to live there too?

    Help me out with some further details, and hopefully some of the members of this venue may have some suggestions too. How did you get into this situation, do you own the house or does if belong to another adult who lives there? If you just left and took your children, could you support yourself and the children?

    You didn't discuss finances and or if you were receiving a living wage from any adult, disabled or not for running this enormous household.

    No wonder you need someone to talk to. Want to pack up and live with me for awhile and enjoy some sunshine, beach and a vacation?

    I am getting the impression you are needing more help than just someone to talk to......help us to maybe help you by filling in the some of the gaps that would help us understand why and how all these people are living with you and why you are the only one keeping it running.

    Try to get some rest tonight,

  • Let me see if I can better explain the things you asked about. I only have one child who is actually mine, she is 10. 3 of the children are the truck drivers children, 2 are my nieces and nephew. Their mother is incapable of raising them and needed us to take them back. 1 is technically a foster child. He is 9 months old. I am not a foster parent but his grandmother was my very best friend in the world, and I didn't learn until to late that she was the love of my life. She passed away a year and a half ago and it has crushed me but I don't show it. Because of that I could not let him be put in the system. She would never have allowed that and I couldn't either. My house is 5 bedrooms with an add on in our garage. It is actually the truck drivers house but he needed us to move in to take care of his kids while he works because their mother is an addict and severely mentally ill. One of the disabled people is my mother. She has epilepsy and the mind of a 12 year old, which is why i have always been the adult in the relationship. I was sure when the state put me in foster care that she would not make it but I maintained constant contact with her and told her step by step what to do. The other disabled person is the wife to the person who I call my sister because I don't really know how else to address her to people. She is the one who I'm scared of but I still love her either way. Her wife used to be my very good friend but has become a very mean, hateful person. I try to avoid talking to her at all if I can. The one having the baby has become my good friend but she never seems to have time for me as she does for everyone else. I kinda hurts but I can't tell her that. Yes, the baby will live here to and we will be babysitting while she is working as she is the truck drivers wife and the stepmom to the 3 kids. I work 2 jobs, I am a teacher during the day and I do data entry at night until about 2-4 in the morning. I am also a student. I am halfway through my bachelors degree right now. I do not make any money from anyone else, actually I pay my sister rent and all my food stamps get used for the household. I don't mind I just wish I weren't so tired all the time and I wish that everything didn't become my fault all the time. I am trying so hard to do everything I can for all of them but I never feel like I'm good enough. However, I cannot live alone as I am afraid to be alone. I am still scared of the dark and I have a lot of irrational fears. even though I know they are irrational, in the moment they feel valid. I have been to therapy before but I can't find any to take my insurance and my last therapist said she didn't feel she was qualified to help me. that just made me feel like I must be even more screwed up than I thought I was. I really just want to be a good mom to my daughter but I feel like a failure every day. Really I just want to be normal but I'm pretty sure that is out of reach. As far as how we all got here, we started out co-habitating because when my daughter was born I couldn't work and lost my home and everything I had. My sister took us in and just kinda decided we would never leave. Then when the truck driver asked us to move in my sister said yes and here we are. I hope this makes things a bit more clear and sorry its so long but its a very complicated situation.

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