My heart is broken

[Zack97]

Hey I'm new here. I think I have anxiety after my boyfriend cheating on me. But we have just get back together. He cheating on me with his own classmate in college. We had relationship for 4 years until I found about it. I found out after he start blocked me on Instagram and there a lot of their pictures together. He like that girl because she was so beautiful and have fair skin. Different with me. I have a tan skin and full of acne scars. I spend a lot of money just to improve my skin. From that incident, my self esteem have falling down. I will forget about it for a while and start crying again. My anxiety problem has become worse because I stay on all his social media for a day, just to find out who he communicate with, who's picture he liked, who's comment on his social media. If any girl like his picture, or he doing that, I will depressed. I will hate my appearance a lot and get mad to all people around me unintentionally. But know he's back to me. And my anxiety still worse because I'm scared that happen again. So, how I can reduce my anxiety towards him? Help me please.

[Hidden]

It's a trust issue that you have got. He needs to win back your trust.

But, if you are on a relationship that makes you feel this bad then maybe you are safer not being in it.

Think of your health first.

[Zack97 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for you advice. You think it the best way? How to gain my confident back?

[Hidden in reply to Zack97]

I don't know how you would gain it back if you are constantly worrying about this relationship.

[Zack97 in reply to Hidden]

You were right. Maybe I need to keep myself busy until I forget about it

[Hidden in reply to Zack97]

Yes that's a good idea.

[Zack97 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks a lot. Its difficult to find someone positive like you. Keep spread positive vibes.

[Hidden in reply to Zack97]

I will try 😁

[DragonTears]

Hey Jimatom,

Your boyfriend has totally and utterly broken the trust between you. In a healthy relationship, you have a trust and you do not worry about them cheating, you don't feel the need to "stalk" them on social media and you do not have the need to jump and worry every time their phone beeps. If you are feeling paranoid all the time and suspicious, it means he is giving you reason to be. in an adult relationship you talk about it. You address the issue and you decide together what to do and stick to the plan. If he keeps being weird and acting weird, he is not committing to you or respecting how much pain he caused you.

It sounds like you are obsessing with ot being good enough for him, not pretty enough, not having perfect skin and whatever. Do you think that if you had all that, he would not cheat? I'm telling you now, he would still do it. If he is that shallow, to risk a 4 year relationship for some quick fun with some babe, then he ain't worth it. It is up to you what you want to do, but step away from yourself for a minute and look at what this situation has driven you to! you are depressed, anxious, paranoid....you probably are miles away from the person you really are, you have become a bundle of nerves. Now, ask yourself this, "who the he*l has the right to make you feel like that?" and especially a person who is meant to love you? na-ha, it's just not right. There is a whole life and world out there. There are people and places to explore. there are hundreds of thousands of people who would love you for exactly who you are, skin and all, that you just haven't met yet. Maybe give them a chance? Don't stay in a negative relationship just because the alternative is a bit scary. It is always a bit scary to take the step alone and shake off the comfort of a long relationship, but it is amazing once you have the guts! It really is! And you will look back in 2 years and thinks, wtf was i doing with that loser.

Let us know what you decide to do! both options are scary and mean hard work, but which one is the right one for YOU!

Big Hugs Xx

[Zack97]

Oh dear.. I'm so touched with your comment. Thank you so much. I feel much more better! Big Hugs for you too <3

[Sreed56]

I wish I could wrap you in protective arms. I know too well what you are going through. There are a lot of proactive things you can do. Staying busy and away from the computer or smartphone is a good 1st step. Counseling is absolutely needed as what you are experiencing could put you at risk for other more complicated mental health issues. I can recommend some excellent books to help your recovery. If you were in the US, I would send you the ones I have finished. Keep replying and do your best to stay busy with positive activities.

[Zack97 in reply to Sreed56]

Thanks for understanding me. You right. I must stay away from computer and smartphones cause that make me feel more loser. I do appreciate your intention to lend me the book. But I'm not staying in US. Anyway thank you for all your advice. 😁 ❤

[Windy101]

Well. I don't have much tolerance for partners who cheat. I feel the two essential ingredients for any good relationship are trust and communication, and pardon my being direct, but he sounds terrible at both. I would run, run, run from this relationship to nurture your own beautiful soul and learn from this affair what you can. When a love relationship makes you feel bad about yourself, it's time to get out. Please stop comparing yourself to the women he admires, because he does not see you for who you are - the inner beauty or the outer beauty. We all have flaws, whether they are acne scars or crooked noses or bad teeth or terrible fingernails or unmanageable hair or extra weight or too little weight or being reallt short or being very tall or having bow legs or being flat chested or having no butt or whatever. He does not sound capable or ready for a real relationship, which is based on knowing a person and loving them for exactly who they are, including their flaws, and being kind to that person exactly because of that love. I think once you walk away with your head held high you will start to feel better about yourself. Then you can really work on your self-esteem and think what qualities that YOU want in a man. Please stop looking at his social media as that's a sure-fire way to make yourself miserable. Instead focus on yourself, what you want, and realize that you deserve much better than someone who's going to treat you badly. He's not worthy of you or any other person with a good heart.