Is anybody out there?

I'm new to this site because I have never felt more alone. I feel like I am unable to let anyone in my life know my real struggles. I try talking to my boyfriend, but he doesn't understand the difference between being sad about something and depression. Friends are great and supportive but none of them understand. Family doesn't know anything about my depression or anxiety. I have to always act as if I am this fun-loving, outgoing and happy person all day everyday yet all I want to do is crawl into a small black hole of nothingness. Preferably this small black hole would be found on my bed, because I want to just stay in bed all day. It's like I'm leading two different lives, the real depressed me, and then the vivacious funny girl who's got it all together. It's exhausting and lonely. Does anyone else feel this way? I am at my breaking point and am afraid of this numbness that is starting to take over at this point. Numb can't be good.

5 Replies

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  • Oh boy, do I understand! I've played the part a time or two! But you really want to feel good, not pretend! You need to see a doctor and get treated for depression asap! This is an emergency for you. Get to the quickest doctor you can. How about your General Practitioner or internist? Do you have one? A psychiatrist is the best, but get an appointment to the fastest 1 for now and set an appointment for the psychiatrist asap. The 1st doctor you see can get you started on an antidepressant right away. It takes 4-6 weeks to know if the antidepressant is going to do the job so you need to get started pronto.

    The other person you need badly is a counselor. For both the doctor and counselor you can look at the website Psychology Today for the picture and philosophy and education, specialties, charges, insurance accepted and so on. Also ask any doctor you have and the same for any friends or family for a referral name for these 2 persons. You can also read reviews online.

    Of course you want to stay in bed all day..you're depressed and that's what depressed people want. But once treated appropriately you won't want that anymore. You'll start to feel normally...like you used to. Take care and God bless.

  • Cmo33, if you are depressed go to a clinic and get a Dr. So he or she can diagnose you. You may need to be on meds or at least see a therapist. How old are you? My first depression came when I was 18. I am 60 now! It comes and goes. I am on meds and they help. I also see a therapist twice a week, they say that that is the best combo- therapy and meds. you need to come clean to your family and friends or you will just prolong your suffering. If you can't right now get your treatment in private. We know depression here and you need help. There is no shame at all about depression. The only shame would be not getting the help you need and want.

    LD

  • I know and understand how you feel!!!!

  • I am out here. You are not alone. Sometimes supportive family can be great if they know the authentic you. It is hard though. I am in my sixties, and covered up a lot also, and had surface relationship with my original family. Both of my parents have been gone for decades, and my brother and I are cordial, but it is a surface relationship. I once confided in him that despite having degrees, I have had struggles due to learning disability. ( When I went to school there was no remediation only if you had intense special needs. He ( who is a genius) went on to say: I do not understand. So now I just say " Hi, how're you doing?"

  • I have a great husband, but live in an area where I am not from, and people are only friendly at the surface. They are all accomplished and are not interested because they grew up here.

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