Feeling very anxious in my new relationship

[littleorange8]

Hi, so I noticed that when I truly care and fall in love with someone, I start having anxiety issues. For example, today I had to wash my hair FOUR times because I was afraid that if I didn’t, my boyfriend will cheat on me. I have also been hard on him due to my anxiety about him cheating (although he has -not that I know of- never done so before). What do I do? Just stay single my whole life?

[Kat63]

I can relate to this, because I’ve always been anxious in relationships myself.

I think it’s because deep down inside, I don’t really think I’m good enough. Even though some very good people have loved me and thought I was wonderful.

The truth is, you need to feel like you’re lovable and good enough. Other people can tell you that, but you won’t believe it until you know it for yourself, in your own soul.

[littleorange8 in reply to Kat63]

Thanks Kat I think you make a good point. I just don’t feel like I’m the prettiest person out there you know? Plus I have almost no social life.. it’s difficult to feel confident

[Kat63 in reply to littleorange8]

What are some ways you could develop more of a social life? Do you have any people at work or school that you could try talking to?

[littleorange8 in reply to Kat63]

I just don’t like the things most people talk about - it’s usually complaining about their life or relationship drama.. I thought of going to church (one with more modern views!) but I would still have trouble approaching someone randomly since everyone at church probably knows each other already. I also do talk to people, it’s just that no one really invites me to parties or just to hang out :/ or they suggest it but never follow up..

[Kat63 in reply to littleorange8]

Yes, it can be scary to talk to new people. But at most churches, there are a couple of people who make it a point to reach out to newcomers. If you are thinking about a church with modern views, you might want to try a Unitarian Universalist church. They’re pretty progressive.

[Kat63 in reply to littleorange8]

And, it’s not always about being pretty. I’m considered pretty, and I’ve had relationship anxiety my whole life.

[littleorange8 in reply to Kat63]

yes but at least if you’re pretty, you wouldn’t blame it on your own looks if a guy cheats. i feel like guys just want a pretty girl and if they see a hot person, they’ll just go for them

[Kat63 in reply to littleorange8]

A guy who would behave that way is not someone who would be a good partner.

[laxma]

Trust yourself and your relationship- If it means a lot to each of you don't even think about the negative.

[littleorange8 in reply to laxma]

my mind is always thinking about the negative though! i can’t control it haha

[jgal3]

It's perfectly natural to feel anxious in the beginning of a relationship. It is understandable that you want to do whatever it takes to be accepted and loved by someone. I've spent the majority of my life striving to be accepted by others, but most of that time has been wasted. I have learned that if people do not like me just the way I am (even when my hair is dirty) then I don't need those people in my life. It is better to be alone than to be surrounded by a bunch of fake friends who want me to be fake just so they will like me. If I want to improve my life, it has to be for me, not for anyone else. If I stay close to God through prayer and the study of His word, He will put the right people in my life who need to be there. I used to worry sometimes about my husband cheating on me too, but the thing is that if I trust in the Lord, I can remind myself that I can't control him and I don't have to because God is in control. God is good and He wants good things for you. I hope you do decide to come back to the church. I'll be praying for you.