I gave my heart to a sex offender

[MollyBear22]

I need somewhere to vent and this place has always been supportive to me... so here I go...

4 months ago, I met a guy online and we started dating. I was nervous to date because my previous relationship was physically abusive. I was scared to get close with anyone, but somehow this new guy made everything seem ok. I told him about my past and how I've had troubled relationships and he seemed to care an be genuine.

We've been having problems the past few months. Constantly fighting about stupid things. Mostly me needing more out of the relationship. He only saw me when it was convenient to him. This brought up a lot of red flags for me. I started questioning the relationship and feelings and even blamed him for cheating since he was being so distant.

He told me in the beginning that he had a problem with drugs. He was a drug dealer and got into a lot of trouble with the law, had to spend time in jail, has to do all these things to stay compliant with his parole officer. Drug tests, lie detector tests etc. I've never myself been one to get in trouble, so I dont know how the law works. I figured he got in trouble 3 yrs ago... hes clean off drugs and learned his lesson. And now he just has to jump through the hoops to stay out of trouble.

So.... the last few weeks things have been kinda off with him. I took the last few days to myself just to think about my relationship with him and if i wanna continue it. I'm not happy with him, yet i have feelings i can't let go of. So i just wanted to take some time to analyze everything. I'm currently in counseling and she is helping me figure out my attachment to this guy.

A few nights ago.... things did not seem right in my heart. This guy is super secretive with me, is now distancing himself, hasn't fully opened up to me.... I needed to figure out why. I never googled his name before, which I should have. He wasnt quick to give me his last name in the beginning.... but I remember him telling me what it was. I trusted him so I figured, why Google him? It took me a bit to get the correct spelling of his last name, but once I figured it out.... my heart dropped.

After typing in his name, I saw his mugshot and sex offender or kidnapper pop up. OMG!

I looked into it further, he had raped a child in the 3rd degree. After further investigating..... he lied to me and told me his probs with the law were because of drugs.. that's untrue. Apparently he told ppl in jail the same thing.

After all my research, I found he raped a 7 year old for 8 years. My heart is in a million pieces. How could he do this to a little girl!? I myself was molested at a young age, me and him even talked about it.

After I found this out... I text him right away and said I was finally got around to googling you. I said goodbye and blocked him without giving him the chance to respond. I'm assuming he knows I know the truth now... but I still feel I need to talk to him and either get answers or tell him off. I'm just so lost and confused and I gave my heart to this guy. How could I be so blind? I want to warn others about this guy, because even when I dated him... he was very aggressive with me. He wouldnt stop at the first "no". I just dont want him hurting anyone else. My heart goes out to the lil girl he raped for 8 years 💔

I dont know how to get over this 😭 someone I thought I knew is a complete monster

[aaronm]

I used to be a parole officer in Illinois. I can have compassion and empathy for a lot of people but not a sex offender. I can tell you that they are the most manipulative kind of convict. They can manipulate the professionals and other hard core seasoned criminals. They are so good at it. Its not your fault. I understand it sucks but keep up the good fight and carrying on.

[MollyBear22 in reply to aaronm]

Thanks for your response aaronm! I am very worried that this guy isnt done. He did manipulate me and I'm sure hes on to the next one already. I just dont want him hurting anyone else. He lied to me, I know hes lying to more ppl.

He has to take lie detector tests (he said it was cuz he was dealing drugs) every so often.. I guess he failed his last test. He told me the question they asked was if he had kids at his house recently. He is not allowed to be around children at all... he told me cuz the drugs (I'm gulable). So that means he had a kid in his house..... he told me for some reason he gets to retake the test. That should have told me right there.... why is this even a concern if he was a drug dealer. It all makes sense now. I just never asked too many questions.

My head is just so foggy right now and I feel used and disgusted. I dont know what to think or feel. I been crying all day. I feel like an idiot thinking he actually loved me

[aaronm in reply to MollyBear22]

You can't protect anyone else. You can only protect yourself and what he does to others is a conscious decision made by him only to commit wrongdoing. I understand why you feel the way you do but its not your fault. Accept the things you can't change and make moves to protect your future. You can move past this.

[Stilltrying_]

This is truly shocking.

it is despicable how manipulative people can prey on the vulnerable.

Just make sure you are safe and that he won't retaliate.

I think you need to contact Police or a professional in this case.

This is extremely serious and I would not like you to be further harmed by this person.

[MollyBear22 in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thank you stilltrying....

I really do think he took advantage of me being vulnerable. Hes a pretty shitty person. I'm not sure that he will retaliate or not... so I'm trying to keep my anger and comments to myself. I dont wanna upset him to the point he will hurt me. It seems no one knows his past. They all think its drugs.

I see my counselor on Tuesday, so I will definitely let her know what happened and she can report anything if need be.

I just feel really alone right now 😔

[tamka38]

Please stay away and do not contact him

He do not need answers. Already found out the true about him. And he knows where u stay u I would get a PO out on

Him ASAP

[piramses]

I know you feel alone, and extremely dissapointed. I see you need a feeling to contact him for a last time, i feel you have a feeling to say a last time goodbye. But believe me, do not. Not only because he is not a good guy, but it will not help. I know you feel terrible, it is not easy.

You are lucky he did not hurt you.

Wish you the best. Hope you will find a nice person and have a nice relation

[MollyBear22 in reply to piramses]

Yes, I feel extremely alone right now, since he was really my only friend. I put him before everything.

I dont know how to feel right now. I lost someone I thought I loved and loved me. I said goodbye without giving him the chance to. Even tho he doesnt deserve it... I'm still crushed and hurting. I dont wanna go through this alone... 😭😭😭😭

[piramses in reply to MollyBear22]

I totally understand you, with my whole hearth. I strongly can read your thoughts, you are thinking this is something which stayed in the air, something incompleted so believe me what it hurts you is this "unfinished" feeling. I understand what you think/feel because i had same situation (not a sex offender but still a wrong guy) and it turned out to into an obsession.

Please visit your doctor regularly and please do what you are told. If they think you need medicament, do not hesisate and do not resist.

Just try your best to let this feeling not to turn into an obsession.

And if you believe it helps, find another man asap.

[MollyBear22]

I'm really struggling with this today. I need support more than ever before right now. I have no one to talk to and I'm crying at work. I need help please. Idk where to turn 😭😭😭😭

[Hidden in reply to MollyBear22]

Hi, you may benefit from a program called Codependents Anonymous. It is a 12 step program that focuses on having healthy relationships.

[MollyBear22 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your suggestion. I looked into it and found an online program. I'm not ready to go out by myself just yet, so this might be perfect for me. It's an online meeting and I'm going to try to catch the one tomorrow. Thank you for your support. It really means a lot ❤

[Hidden in reply to MollyBear22]

That’s wonderful! You got this ❤️

[Sunny2019]

He is a sick monster. Stay far away. Im sorry he manipulated you. So gross