I came to America when I was just 5yrs old. I came her with my uncle and my sister. My mother stayed in Africa. I lived with my uncle and his wife till I was 11yr old. During those years I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused. I was then kicked out before starting 5th grade because my sister ran away. I then moved in with my other aunt and her husband and kids. I was happy, for a while. But no one can love and treat you the same way your mother can. I could see the big difference in how my sister and I were treated versus how my cousins were treated. Still it was better than being locked under the house for hours with rats. As time went on I find that at least with physical abuse you know that person hates you. I was living with someone who claimed to love me but talked down on me and about me to everyone. I would never amount to anything. I couldn't go anywhere or have friends. Just stay home and take care of kids and cook and clean. Almost didn't graduate high school because I never had time for homework. I finally moved out and in with my bf who I thought loved me forever. Years later and two kids and I'm still experiencing the abuse from another person I loved and trusted. But I'm in the wrong for being depressed and having anxiety kick my ass. They say it's mind over matter. But I say you can't continue to crash your car and expect for it to work like new.
The Start: I came to America when I was... - Anxiety and Depre...
The Start
AmbroseL I am sorry for everything that you have been through. You have been through a lot! Have you been able to see a therapist?
I went once when I had insurance but I don't anymore.
Are there any programs in your area that you can look into?
No. Ive tried unless I'm not looking hard enough
Where do you live?
Hey Ambrose very sorry to hear about your battle that you have had to endure during your life time! I would suggest looking into "Free Health Clinics" or possibly the local Health Department may be able to direct you in the right direction.
I'll be sure to look that up. And it's okay it's shaping me and making me stronger each and everyday. Thank you ❤️❤️
You're very welcome, its very good that you have a great outlook on all of this also 
We kind of have to. The more we feed them and the more battles depression and anxiety win the more we lose ourselves. It's not an easy war but I pray we all come out on top
Oh Ambrose1 what a very sad story, I am so sorry. I think you are incredibly strong and brave to have survived what would have broken another person. With your determination and strength you will have a great life yet.
I have heard many times that abused people often subconscously pick partners who are also abusive. If you can get some counselling it should help you see those patterns and help you to break the cycle. You deserve a lot better than this. x
Thank you so much. It's hard because I never tell anyone any of this. Even my best friend since elementary school. And I believe that's my problem. I hate feeling vulnerable with anyone and the fact that the one person I thought was my happiness, is the one to hurt me the most. But I plan to use this hurt to make me stronger for my babies. I just need to find a counselor to let it all out because I can't keeping it in
I am not surprised you don't trust people after what you have been through. It's great that you could come on here and tell us. Your feelings are safe with us and we will support and help you all we can.
I think getting counselling would be a great idea, especially as one of the things you need to ensure you do is break the cycle for your 2 babies. That would be harder to do if they witness your abuse. They have to grow up to lead as fulfilling and happy lives as they can. You don't want that kind of abuse for them. x
Most definitely. That's my next step. Finding a group or trying to get insurance and to seek help. I do not want them to ever go through anything I've been thru or pick the men I've picked in life. Need them to know their worth and what they deserve
Exactly and one of the best ways of doing this is by example as you know. I am sure you will succeed in turning out lovely happy children and adults who make good choices in life. xx
Thank you so much!!!
You are very welcome. You know I can see you in 15-20 years time looking at your children and thinking 'Wow'. I can see you being so proud of them and so happy that they are free to live their lives without the pain you have had. What a wonderful achievement. You are amazing. Rock on xx
It's really a bad sent of circumstances and yet you've done well. There is a lot of bravery. Look into domestic violence services and information in your area and you may be able to get free counseling as well as lots of information online or otherwise.
Thank you so much. I will be sure to look into it
Not what you're looking for?
You may also like...
I need advice on how to handle this
Helpless
Therapist rant
The last letter I sent my mother, I can’t take anymore
Thank you all!!!
Related Posts
What have I done? 
How has your depression/ anxiety affected your children?
Nothingleft
The most beautiful amazing woman 
Been on antidepressants for the last 17 years. Moderation team
