(almost) Completely Alone in the World

[permtrav]

So I'm 63 years old, retired, homeless. I live in my van and spend my days traveling around the country. (In winter, I wander around Florida.)

My parents did not like me and wouldn't speak to me for the last 5 years of their lives. I have three older siblings who abused me (some physical abuse, mostly psychological and emotional abuse) as kids and they hate me as adults. (Though one brother recently told me that he feels bad how he treated me; so now we are on speaking terms, though I can't say we are friends.)

My ex-wife hates me of course and has turned my daughter, with whom I've always had a great relationship with, against me.

Only my son still talks to me, and I visit with him once a year.

Other than him, I live a life of total solitude. And for the most part I'm quite content with that. I love to take long walks, I read a lot, and watch videos on you-tube. Only once in a while do I feel lonely.

I don't really know why I'm posting this, I'm not looking for advice or anything like that. I guess I just wanted to express myself.

[Complicatedhappiness]

Hi, you said you were not sure why you were writing because you were not seeking advice but maybe just to express yourself. That makes sense to me; I think all of us see this as the "safe space" its intended to be and as such we are free to share our truth whatever it may be. You did say that for the most part your content with your life of solitude. So for the times your not as content is perhaps why you may have posted and shared what you have. I hope you find some value in sharing and support when you may appreciate some.

[permtrav in reply to Complicatedhappiness]

I think you're correct. Thank you for writing!

[Agora1 in reply to permtrav]

Remember permtrav that you have us. We are a very caring and understanding

group of supportive people. You never have to be alone. We are always here for

each other 24/7 xx

[permtrav in reply to Agora1]

Thank you very much! I appreciate that.

[Agora1]

permtrav, you have what many on this site would envy and that is your health.

Living in a mansion, sickly and not able to explore life can be extremely lonely

and depressing. The one thing we cannot buy is our Health. Everything around

us could crumble but as long as we are able to get up in the morning and experience

life around us, we live to the fullest in the moment. I wish you many miles of travel,

Let us live through your adventures.. Please write us again. xx

[permtrav in reply to Agora1]

I do indeed have adventures - almost all of them good! Thank you for writing!

[Midori]

Hi, Welcome to our community. If you feel in need, ask; we are here to support each other, and, as we all have depression or other mental illnesses, we are uniquely placed to support each other.

Some of us are further along in our progress, and we stay to help others, who may be going through similar experiences.

I wish Health Unlocked had been around when I was in need, I have seen folk make grand strides forward with their recoveries; just to get the feeling you are not alone, there are others around with similar problems and experiences helps immeasurably.

Cheers, Midori

[permtrav in reply to Midori]

Being very introverted (and apparently somewhat autistic), it is difficult to reach out to people. But it might be easier to do so on a forum than in person. Thank you for your kind words🙂

[Midori in reply to permtrav]

You are welcome, Autism is not as uncommon as folk think, more and more introverted folk are being diagnosed with conditions on the Spectrum, My son is, although he has, as he has grown, been able to overcome a lot of his.

He has grown into a good and empathetic man, and is now my carer. I know several other folk with it too.

Introversion can be overcome, in some ways it is akin to agoraphobia.

Cheers, Midori

[permtrav]

Agoraphobia - that's it exactly. I've never really understood how to get along with people. I always seem to say the wrong thing. So I've learned that it's better to not say anything at all. Which, apparently, is also wrong, but at least it's not as offensive. It would be nice to have someone to hang out with but I've accepted the fact that that just will not happen. I've found that if I can just keep busy - walking, reading, driving, watching videos, playing computer games - the loneliness doesn't bother me too much.

[Midori]

Oh Yes,

I understand keeping the mouth closed in case something inappropriate flies out! For years I have been the guardian of the unfortunate phrase!

I wish I could hand it on to somebody else for a change!

I believe the trick of it comes from Thumper's Mother in Bambi, 'If you can't say anything nice; don't say anything at all!'

I try very hard, but sometimes something said in innocence can be taken the wrong way.

Cheers, Midori

[permtrav]

Yep. Exactly so

[Beavis2022]

I love hearing how you live! It's fascinating, and I've always wanted the bravery to do what you are doing. I have to wonder - how do you get your mail, and your internet service? Just in case I do this!

[permtrav in reply to Beavis2022]

For mail (as well as an address to use for your drivers license) you can use a mail forwarding service. for internet, I go to the nearest public library, it's almost always free access (except in Texas for some reason).