Hi, It's dumb me again... Is there a "list" of people that I don't know about? One that has all the people who should be mistreated, abused, yelled at and treated like garbage? I want to know. Seems like everyone in my life has treated me this way. No one has ever been good to me, not one person in my whole life. My late husband treated me like shit all through our 37 years. My mother treated my so bad, she would take me to my grandparents house where I was sexually abused all my childhood. I ran away when I was 14 and got married when I was 15 to get away from it all. Now they are all gone and all I have left is a brother and a sister. My sister is very rude to me, last week I went to her home and gave her a gift for her birthday. She never said anything, so yesterday I sent her a message asking how she was doing and if she liked the gift. Her response was " I am alright". Nothing more. Then about an hour ago I called my brother and asked how he was, he is in the process of cleaning out his house to sell it. I mentioned that he should make sure to have the buyer pay the closing costs. He started yelling at me and said " You don't need to be involved" . I said I was sorry and he kept yelling at me. I am still sobbing as I type this. I have no one. No one
Heartbroken: Hi, It's dumb me again... - Anxiety and Depre...
Heartbroken
Howdy Cpearl, I am so sorry that you are feeling so down and alone. It is so hard to live with those emotions 😥. I would imagine a part of your brother's outburst is that he is stressed out and one more thing to think about tipped him over the edge. That doesn't excuse him, but maybe it is a bit more understandable. I hope that you are able to be there for yourself and find sources, like this site, for support as well. You have value just being, I hope that you know that. I am so sorry that you have been through so much❤️
Thank you for responding. Your reply made me cry some more because no one is ever nice to me and you are being nice to me. I sorta understand my brother getting mad and yelling at me. He is selling the house he and his first wife bought. He has since remarried and the woman he remarried is a little loud and bossy. They live in her house. She is the kind that once I went out to eat with them and when the waitress came to take our order she asked the waitress in a rather loud tone what that awful smell was. It was the waitress's perfume... But still it hurts. I want so badly for someone to love me ... That's all I ever wanted in my whole life. And it doesn't seem like it's ever going to happen for me. I waited all day because my brother said Friday he was going to stop by today. I spent the weekend cleaning my apartment and was looking forward to him coming over. Then he sent me a message that he spent more time at the casino so he wasn't going to come by. He now lives in another city and doesn't come this way often. Anyway thank you and I'm sorry for the run-on reply. I'm going to just hope tomorrow is a better day.
Hi Cpearl,I am sorry you are on a "downer" at the moment.
You never have to put yourself down here for posting in your forum. We are here for anyone struggling or doing OK.
As my dear old grandmother said, "it's always better out than in"
💜 🐈⬛
Thank you. You had a wise grandmother. I love everyone here!
I'm so sorry your family is treating you. As my mom used to say, you can't pick your relatives. Sometimes family members think it's ok to be rude to their relatives. You can always reduce the amount you reach out to them. Self care is important. You are like me and just let people walk all over me. We deserve respect as much as anybody else. The more we let people do it the more they will. When I stopped always texting my sister and stopped offering to with her to doctor appointments, she never texted me first and never invited me to go with her. That told me I was not as important to her as she was to me. My family here know more about what is going on with me than my family. That's sad considering my brother lives right across the road from me. I stopped getting hurt all the time by not putting myself in those situations. I hope I'm making sense. We are all here for you. They have been a life saver to me.
Yes you make perfect sense to me. My brother sent me a text late that night saying he was sorry he had upset me. And for the first time I did not reply back that it was ok. Because I just don't feel like it was. Then yesterday his wife texted me, it said " Hi, how are you today? " So I waited awhile to clear my thoughts and texted back with Fine and asked her the same. Probably not what she was expecting but at this point I don't care. I just feel like I'm getting old and I don't deserve to be treated like crap by anyone anymore. I am going to start ( at this late day of age ) setting boundaries. Thank you and the others who have replied for helping me see that this is what I need and deserve.
There's a blog and YouTube channel I'd like to recommend: Crappy Childhood Fairy, crappychildhoodfairy.com
It sounds to me like your family was very abusive, and gave you CPTSD, and because of the trauma they gave you (and still are, really maybe you need to quit talking to either of your siblings) you "crapfitted" yourself to bad behavior, and married an abusive man because subconsciously you thought you didn't deserve anything better. You have to understand that there's nothing wrong with you, you've just been conditioned to seek out abusive people.
Once you start to heal, you won't tolerate bad behavior anymore, and will seek out people who are kind, not cruel.
Good advice, I love the Crappy Childhood Fairy.
Thank you so much. I read your reply and sorry I am late to thank you and also the others. I spent the day reflecting on what everyone here said and as I replied to CLB1125 , I am going to have boundaries. This will be new to me and I might fail at times but I don't need or want people thinking it doesn't matter how they treat me. I want to be loved and with that comes an amount of respect. I'm am no longer a doormat for them to wipe their feet.
It won't happen overnight. You're used to a certain pattern of behavior and you need to work to change it. But this is a step in the right direction! I myself have problems with people-pleasing and fawning, and am slowly learning (at the ripe old age of 52) to demand some respect from other people. I don't always succeed, but my therapist tells me to be gentle with myself. Better late than never! We're all rooting for you!
**** people are heartless and cold and don't deserve our thoughts. Treat yourself and not them. You deserve so much more! Live happy from now and find wiser or more caring people. You will learn the great difference it makes to your life
often times mental health struggles run in families, and so we probably shouldn’t have high expectations that they will deal with life any better than we do. My sister never admitted to her issues, but she’s one angry woman and we do not see eye to eye ever.
We tend to attract other people with issues, and often choose partners who may not be the best choices for us. Cptsd was mentioned, which I have, and I’ve learned that from my trauma I tend to attract partners with narcissistic traits. Lucky me lol
It can be a lonely world out there, even for those surrounded by people. If you can go to a mall, or walk to a store and just ask people how their day is going, or pet a dog, maybe that will help you feel just a little bit less lonely 
maybe.
Yes my late husband was exactly that, a narcissist. He would never admit when he had mistreated me in all the years we were married. Then one night not long before he passed he had me crying again and I ask him why he was being so mean to me. He admitted he had been mean to me because he was angry. Anyway thank you for your response. I sometimes get carried of into typing reflections. Sorry.
If there is a list, the wrong people are getting on it. What say we ditch the current author, oh, I dunno, maybe him 😈 -- or his pal upstairs -- and start one of our own? Jus sayin'. Maybe it's time.
Or maybe just ignore me. It's been a bad epoch.
Good one.. haahaa... made me laugh.
I'm sorry about that. I, too, sometimes question whether my name is on a 💩 list of the universe. I've come to understand that when you come from an abusive background. We at some point take over from where your abusers left off. we start to believe this is what we deserve. And that we are unworthy of love and respect. Unfortunately you can get use to abuse. We are comfortable with a familiar hell than unknown heaven. We don't know what kindness and unconditional love is. Because from our experiences those always came from conditions. It's hard but it can be unlearned. You can learn to be compassionate towards yourself and that you are worthy of love and respect. Through therapy I realized that both my parents were emotionally immature people. With very huge flaws. That isn't on me. It wasn't my duty to fix them.
Also with that kind of chaotic upbringing affects siblings in different ways. Some become avoidant attachment style. They run away from feelings. Because feelings are bad. Others become hyper sensitive to any kind of criticism or what they perceived as criticism.
And it's hard when siblings don't all get along. I, myself, was the odd person out in my family. I was the baby in the family. My siblings were older than me by about 20 yrs. I wasn't close to my siblings. When my brother died, I did become closer with 1 of my sisters but definitely not the other one. Unfortunately I don't see that being repaired. Too much damage was done.
I'm sorry you weren't treated right. You did not deserve abuse and mistreatment. You are worthy of so much love and healing.
Sending love and hugs 🫂 ❤️
Thank you for a very insightful reply. I can see how I was so use to being treated badly that it rolled over into my marriage and I allowed him to abuse me for fear of being alone. And now I am. This is strange to say but mixed with grief I also feel a sense of freedom since he passed. It's been really hard. I feel guilty for being happy.
Try not to feel guilty. Your feelings are real and valid. I suppose it’s actually ok to feel it all. Feel happy, feel the guilt, but don’t let the guilt take away from the happiness. I hope that makes sense. Have all the emotions you want, they’re yours alone, and there’s no one to tell you you’re wrong or to ridicule you for having them 🤗
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