Alone In Everything

[Minileah1218]

Words cannot describe how alone I feel. It's been a couple weeks since I've been to therapy, and my next appt was supposed to be today but it got rescheduled bc my therapist was sick. That doesn't bother me too much. What does bother me is that I feel like I'm losing the will to live drastically. Idk if I'd actually attempt... for I'm frightened it wouldn't work. I wish that I could go to sleep and not wake up. I pray every night that God will take me but I always end up seeing light the next morning. Many would say that's a good thing, for me, I'd rather see darkness. I'd rather be alone somewhere where nobody/nothing could ever bother me. I feel less able to do normal things... or get out of bed. The only thing I want to do is sob and cut. I haven't cut yet, but I've gotten my wrist cut open a couple times on accident and for some reason I liked it. It was a weird experience. I wanted to do it again, but with an actual knife. I want to die where nobody can hear me suffering. Somewhere where I'll feel no pain. I need help. I'm afraid of letting go of my depression bc it's been apart of me for so many years. I'm going on 5yrs of major depressive disorder. I feel like my brain is killing me every day and I don't know how to fight it anymore.

[Kakes808]

Don't give up and keep putting your faith into god. God doesn't put you in situations you can't handle. He puts you in these situations because he can see you're strong and you're a fighter. He saw something in you, that he didn't see in nobody else. He gave you this curse to use it as a blessing. He wants you to fight back and when you do you can share your glory to all who is suffering. You could save so many lives because you've been through it. I know it's hard and I know dying feels like the way out but trust me it's not the answer. The reason why you feel good when you harm yourself is because you feel like your in control. You control if you live or die. And in that glimmer you feel free, like all your problems miraculously vanished and felt normal. But I'm telling you, you can feel that way without harming yourself, without taking your life. You can feel good again. You can take back your life, and heck yah it will be scary but god puts us in uncomfortable situations for a reason, he knows you can get through this and come out clean and strong on the other side. Put your faith and all into him. He chooses the most broken to bless. And I know he will bless you in a way so powerful you will know it's from him. His love and guidance will get you through this. You can do this. He's always with you ❤️ I'll be praying for you friend 💕 and I'm always here for you if you need someone to talk to 😊

[Minileah1218 in reply to Kakes808]

Thank you so much for praying for me. I need God in my life rn lol.

[Kakes808 in reply to Minileah1218]

I'm the same. If it wasn't for him I probably would've taken my life a long time ago. But he makes me stronger everyday! 🙂

[Minileah1218 in reply to Kakes808]

Same here for me. I feel like he keeps stopping me from cutting and killing myself bc he's trying to tell me I'm here for a reason. I hope he makes me strong like you 😣

[20Voices]

Can I just say that you are not alone, there is a lot of people are where you are now and a lot more who have been there.

I just wanted to sleep and not wake up, I even drunk a bottle of whiskey neat one night in an apt to forget everything and not wake up. Silly me because I am the type of person who can have a drink and remembers everything. That was a really horrible night, I didn't even like whiskey, but I drunk it anyway because it was there. I don't drink alcohol now and I don't miss it. I have cut myself as well and I know the feeling you are talking about. It only helps you for a little while.

You can get through this and you are not alone. when you are feeling back post on here and also you can go back and read older posts. There is an Action on Happiness forum as well that you can join to just have something else to look at you might find something to take your mind of things at times. I found it helped because I was just getting sick and tired of talking and thinking about how I felt all the time because I just felt horrible and just wanted to feel good for a little while.

You can do this, you can get through this, I know it feels like you are tired all the time and you just want it to stop, but you can do this. Take it one day at a time and keep going it will be worth it in the end you can be happy again.

Take care.

[Lostjoy]

I feel quite alone in this as well.

[Minileah1218 in reply to Lostjoy]

Isn't it friggen horrible?! I always feel like I can't talk to anyone I know personally ab my issues anymore bc I feel like they just don't care. At least we have each other ❤️

[Lostjoy in reply to Minileah1218]

Yes, I feel like such a burden to everyone I know personally.

Thank goodness for each other. ❤️

[Minileah1218 in reply to Lostjoy]

If you ever wanna talk if you have a prob you can totally talk to me 💕

[Lostjoy in reply to Minileah1218]

Thank you.. same here 😉

[Lostjoy in reply to Minileah1218]

I just read through your original post, and it is exactly how I've been feeling. I would like to just go to sleep and have God take me home.