Just have no one t o tall to.

[mapofgaia]

Hello, I'm 59 years old. I've been going to ap psychiatrist since last Oct. Also seeing a therapist. I've got a lot of issues, childhood sexual and every other kind there is. I'm married to an alcoholic for 32 years. Have always had life level depression bit went into clinical depression and started having panic attacks. I also have a bi- polar adult daughter who puts us thru the wringer a lot. I'm on meds. They've helped some. Just found out my therapist is quitting and 8/17 is my last appointment. I don't think I cam bear to start over again. It took me 6 months to trust her enough to talk.shop I'm wondering if this can take her place?

[Depressed1996]

I personally need a little more help then this app, but I do find a lot of comfort talking to some of the great people on here.

[Depressed1996 in reply to Depressed1996]

Some days there are just some really really sad things to read on here. No one deserves what people on this forum go though.

[Pjmmtr01]

We all have good and bad days! Speak to your therapist. REMOVE all negativity. Talk groups tend to help- like these.

[mapofgaia]

Yah that's my problem my therapist is quitting. I can't imagine going thru all the boring to know you getting to trust you part again and they know everything about me. It really makes me uncomfortable. But I'll give it one try. I can usually tell right away if I can talk to s person or not. Therapist hopping will not be my kind of thing. I'm really crushed that she's leaving.

[Madison10]

Dear M

I just read your post. I am new here( couple months). I am 64. Lot of depression. I can't answer your question but for me talking and listening to other people makes me feel not alone. If you want someone to chat with, I am a good listener. Take care

[mapofgaia in reply to Madison10]

I find that keeping busy helps. The dr switched me to wellbutrin and valium for when I get amxiety. Like when my husband drinks a lot, or my crazy daughter decides to ruin as many lives as she can then wants you to act normal. This has gone on for years. My husband has cut back on his drinkingand the weekends he doesn't drink As much bit things aren't better because he's irritable and edgy when not drinking. I do have another perfectly wonderful daughter and I love her husband and their two daughters. They are the reason I'm here. I want to make sure they have a great childhood and healthy mental stability. It's hard to maintain. My 9 year old granddaughter already gets bullied for her locks. She is very tall the size of a 12 year old. She's going to be 6ft tall. I know it's hard to be alone. My husband works second shift so I see him from 10am to 1:30. Then he works sometimes on weekends too.I can't unload all my stuff on my daughter. She has a strict no contact policy with her sister. Right now we are taking a break from each other. My daughter is a sociopath. It's been horrible since she was 12.

[Madison10 in reply to mapofgaia]

Dear M. It sounds like you have some serious issues. Just know we all have issues , no one is perfect. Sorry about your husband and daughter. I could write a book on alcoholism. My dad was a mentally and physically abusive alcoholic, he was also in law enforcement and no one touched him. The effects of my childhood ruined so much. I went to therapy in my twenties, thirties and forties. It was great, kept me living. I found a group therapy, it took me so long to call,, but I did. Very happy to see and hear other people talk. To me having someone to talk to is most important. I don't have anyone to talk to and my wife doesn't even try to support me and my depression. I am determined to manage my depression. Change subject, do you know if there are any rules on this site? Can we use our name or tell where we are from. Take care

[b1b1b1 in reply to Madison10]

I am very similar to you. Health anxiety and always worrying that no one loves me. My son is my only close relative. We have always been very close, but since he has gotten married and had a baby I worry that he does not care for me as much. I tried to be close to my dil, but she does not seem to want a relationship as a friend.

[mapofgaia]

I don't know. I'm new to all this myself. First time with any forum, I'm a lurker usually. My husband plays at being supportive. But lately he hums while I'm talking or crosses his arms across his chest if I'm making him mad. ..which I do frequently. I guess it's just gone on too long for him. And I am slowly doing better. I have ahdonia and nothing I mean nothing is fun for me anymore. I actually attempt to NOT care too much about anything. It's best to not have expectations. Then the disappointment is easier. Plus I meet very few people I click with. I'm a weirdo old hippie woman and I'm living in the WRONG place for me. I've actually been considering an ashram for awhile. I feel a strong need to "clean" my spirit. I don't believe in god or the devil. I believe in the in in universe as one. Anyone who believes in monotheism is strange to me.

[mapofgaia]

Hi b sorry to hear yet another person has problems. It's an epidemic now. I just read 1 out of every 5 people are alcoholics. We ate all trying in some way to connect as humans but we don't remember how. I have 1 sister who's an alcoholic and lives 2500 miles away. It's a blessing she only calls when she wants $$.I have 3 brothers. Not one sibling talks to each other now. I cannot for the life of me remember one happy family memory. We remind each other so we stay away . I am a total introvert. Very shy. I went to 13 different schools between kindergarten and graduation from high school. It didn't make me outgoing . I was a bookworm always the new kid always alone. I had zero boyfriend in hs. I was very leery of men and still am. My father was a sociopath and delighted in every form of abuse. I married a guy who beat me up fairly regularly and had 2 babies w him. The first time he hit our 3 heat old I was gone before he came home. I never laid eyes on him again. Never got a penny in support because if he found me he would kill me. I met a nice man and 4 years later remarried. He had a god job and adopted my kids legally. Took me about a heart to realize the regular drinking on the weekends was getting worse. He is a binge drinker and only drinks on weekends. So his job gets the great him. ..I get the stupid drunk. I realize all my own choices have brought me to a point in life where it seems pointless. Although I've been taking meds and doing yoga and trying to meditate nothing in my life changes. Oh yeah I also have a sociopathic daughter who was having an affair with her boyfriends sisters husband and to try and cover it all up told us she had cancer of the liver and kidney. She's a sociopath as well diagnosed by the best child phycologist in Tampa when she was 15. And so I've also dealt with her stuff for 46 years. I'm just tired and can't cope with the burdens anymore alone. I know life is tough. I'm just not caring so much anymore. About anything.

[Madison10]

Dear M

Thought I would check to see how your doing.life is such a struggle especially if you have health problems. I have been bouncing back and forth with my depression forever. You mentioned that your husband has run out of patience. My wife is no support at all which makes things worse. I never know until I wake up how I am. We argue everyday. I. Try not to talk to her. I still want to take my dogs and run away from home. I also know it helps to be busy but I'm not occupied enough. I take a meditation and breathing class, do volunteer. Work but it's not enough. I had a melt down a few years ago and still not recovered no matter how hard I'm trying. I lost my job as project manager, then I was in a car accident ( me only) my first accident ever. My car left the road, over an embankment and rolled until it hit a tree and landed upside down, then a home invasion that pushed me over the edge. My wife had a heart attach after the invasion and I became a mental case. I have babbled to much, I hope I hear from you and what is going on in your life

Take Care

MZ

[mapofgaia in reply to Madison10]

Sounds like you don't have an easy go of it either. A double whammy of job loss and a car accident is hard to get over. AND a home invasion. ...I'd have a heart attack. Are you seeing a therapist or taking meds..? Sorry it took me so long to respond. I have a flare up of osteoarthritis on my left side of my body right now that's quite painful. It will go away on its on in awhile. I hurt my shoulder doing senior yoga. .lol. ..and one injury makes my brain think whole left side is hurt. It's weird. Yesterday I did get to enjoy the solar eclipse at 95.9 totality. We could have driven 3 hours any normal day for totality but we live around atl. And the roads were jam packed. We had a nice place to lay and good glasses. Mother nature doesn't love me so much anymore as laying on her does not feel like when I was a child. It really just made the arthrtis worse. But the eclipse was awesome and I was wearing great headphones and listening to a eclipse meditation. I had already listened to it 4 times in preparing and clicked on the wrong language. I didn't want to move again so I knew what they were basically saying and it made the whole experience more surreal. I kept praying for peace for all of earth. I was one little spark. I hope other sparks were doing the same thing. The sickness of what is going on in the world is a huge part of all our depression and anxiety. It's a scourge of our culture and sincerity. Peace to us all.

[Madison10 in reply to mapofgaia]

Hi,

Thank you for replying. It's sounds like you were having a good time watching the eclipse! I also watched it on TV and the phone. A great thing in history. It got darker hear for a few minutes. I found a group to join. It helped a lot. Just to be around other people. The group ended, one by one they dropped out and I was left. The counselor said she would continue to see me one on one. She was very generous on pricing. I go to a doctor to manage my med. my therapy did not end well. The best thing for me is to be able to talk and listen. My family is no support at all, in fact my wife is interfering with my progress. I am fighting everyday. You mentioned meditation? I take a meditation and breathing course. I have been taking it for three years. It's called Pranyama. All different ways to heal your body. Until next time take care

M

[Jmerrick22]

If anyone ever needs someone to listen , please message me I'm here for all of you