New to this thing and up to my neck - Anxiety and Depre...

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New to this thing and up to my neck

levelzero911 profile image
12 Replies

This is my first post since joining the group. I've been fighting depression since I was in my teens but not like this. The past year has been the blackest I've known. I am a first responder. i work long shifts, get little sleep and am witness to a lot of horrible things. I reckon those things have taken a toll. I am married and have been for 13 years but I'm currently living away from her and my two kids as I try to work through this. I am on meds and see my therapist once a week but, I feel so paralyzed by this depression...and fear that I can't seem to take any action to get myself out of it. Just the basics (food, exercise and sleep) seem insurmountable.

I'm just feeling it heavy today and wanted to finally open my mouth on here after reading everybody else's stories.

Hope y'all are hanging in there today.

Thanks for listening,

G

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levelzero911 profile image
levelzero911
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12 Replies
adieyoung profile image
adieyoung

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of stressors in your life and it’s understandable that you are so depressed. Focus on doing one nice thing for you every day and know that you are not alone, I also have found it difficult to get myself together recently and like you I feel,that life has just hit me with so much recently. Take care

levelzero911 profile image
levelzero911 in reply to adieyoung

Thank you!

jkl5500 profile image
jkl5500

I've been through major depression a few times in my life, and I know how paralyzing it is. Getting your mind to concentrate on the simplest tasks is like trying to start your car when it's fifty below zero. It doesn't help that progress usually takes some time to see results. It's not like the flu, where you can sleep it off and feel better the next day.

I suggest you take small steps forward, and celebrate the progress you make. Unfortunately, you'll have to be patient, and I know patience is in short supply when you feel that way. Be sure to open up to your therapist and tell him/her exactly what's bothering you. You need all the support you can get, and the more your therapist knows, the better he/she can help you.

Feel free to post here when you have something on your mind. You've come to the right place for support and understanding.

I wish you a speedy recovery.

jkl5500

Chinnup profile image
Chinnup

Try to keep to a simple healthy diet - mixed nuts and fresh fruit, fresh vegies, all simple to prepare and good for your mind and body. Tins of tuna and baked beans also good. Drink plenty of water and avoid caffeine. Also try to do go for a walk and exercise daily, even just a little bit. All the best.

Have u ever tried trazadone? Really good for anxiety, depression, and insomnia!

Dp77 profile image
Dp77

Hi, I have battled depression and anxiety pretty much my whole life so I know what you are going thru. I know how exhausting it can be to just get yourself up in the morning, get dressed and try to eat something. Just take things one day at a time, one minute at a time, one hour at a time if you have to. Take baby steps. Don't beat yourself up for not getting things done. Depression takes alot out of you. You have to be kind to yourself and heal your brain. Try to do one nice thing a day for yourself. If all you can do today is get out of bed and eat something and maybe look out the window......hey that is ok. You have to take care of yourself. I listen to music, listen to meditation tapes, go for a ride in the car just to get out of the house, maybe call a friend to talk to, listen to talk radio, watch a movie., go for a walk.....anything to distract your mind from the depression and anxiety. I always feel better when I go for a walk, no matter how hard it was for me to get myself out the door.

So just try to do a little each day, and eventually you will get more energy to do a little more.

reinagrace profile image
reinagrace

Hi levelzero911 i pray you feel better. Bc of the stressful nature of your job, i'm sure your human resources dept. can connect you with a support group for those in your field, probably sharing stories with those who have similar traumatic experiences , will help? You would surely qualify for short-term disability now. This is how i eventually got on social security but if you don't want to go to that extent, you can still take a few weeks on short term, that would be thru your job , not the govt. Many years ago i worked in a hospital in NY, and when i started to get frozen like that and non-functional, i took the steps to file for short-term disability thru the hospital i worked for. They must have that option everywhere. Maybe a long vacation, going away somewhere might help? That's admirable of you to even enter that line of work since you said you've been fighting depression since your teens. So thank you for helping others in this way

levelzero911 profile image
levelzero911 in reply to reinagrace

Thank you. I agree, I think finding...or even forming a support group of my fellow responders would be tremendously helpful.

fauxartist profile image
fauxartist

Your in a very tough job, and I admire your courage to keep working even though your suffering, I'm very sorry it's taking it's toll. I have heard this from cops I've known that had seen too much. Is there any group therapy that others such as yourself can go to. Sometimes the only people who you feel can really understand the depth of your pain are those who have similar or the same kinds of jobs and deal with what you do. Something like the vets, that suffer from PTSD, and CPTSD...go to. Hang in there, and keep sharing here, Many here can relate in their own way, and most can at least be supportive while your going through this, These are very nice and compassionate people on this site.

mitch404 profile image
mitch404

I agree with the advice about taking things slowly, even in tiny baby steps. Swimming also gave me added relief during some of my toughest moments. But I am living proof that if you just hold on, things can turn around for the better. Just hold on.

Gd morning and thank you for your service that you provide. That's an amazing thing that you are doing for people. Hello. I also suffer from severe Depression and it is tricky to manage. I have been stuggling with it for almost 20 years and still have a hard time managing it. I try to stay busy by going to the gym, movies, etc., to get outta my head and improve my body. It does help most of the time but I still struggle and I am also under a Therapist snd dr's care, get ECT treatments, practice mindfulness,etc. and still have horrible, guilty, miserable feelings of depression everyday. It's hard. But you are definitely not alone. That's why we are all here. Try and have a great day. I'm sure you are a wonderful person. Try not to let it get the best of you. Try to focus on all the things that you see and feel that are good about yourself. 😁

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levelzero911 profile image
levelzero911

Thank you all so much!

I can't begin to tell you all what your support means to me right now.

I hope I can someday return the favor and offer something if you find yourself down.

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