Although I'm not surprised how low she thinks of me (some delusions I had of her broke in last 2 years) her words really stung, especially since I am going through depression and anxiety and illness right now.
How could a mother be like that with her own child? This is a question I've asked myself a lot of times over the years. But since huge circumstance changes have come in last few years, I have seriously begun to doubt if I really am her biological son.
I learned to stop asking that question.... some people, even our biological relatives can hurt us. And some certainly don't understand us, many of them, such as a parent, can see their kids as a reflection of themselves, so if something isn't up to their standards, they run the kid down and blame the child because they don't want to feel they are at fault for our issues. It's not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong, it's wrong to blame and shame your child for something they have no control over...
But we do have control over what we can do for ourselves to manage our disease. Some boundaries are helpful with those in our lives that are hurtful and not understanding.
I agree with faux. All my life my mother thought I was like my father whom she hated coz I looked most like him and coz I was closest to him. I spent my childhood to a refrain of you up to your tricks again? And you are just like your father, secretive and sly. This was accompanied by a voice filled with contempt and bitterness and a nasty sneer on her face as she glared at me.
Parents often don't see a child as they really are, so if you know it's not true try not to let it worry you too much. It's very painful though isn't it. x
I am age 66 and my mother now deceased, I learned from my therapist that my mother was an emotionally abusive and emotionally absent woman. My 2 brothers and I do not remember alot about her in our childhood days. Therapist says thats our brains way of protecting us. As an aged adult, I grew to see her as what I called “ a twisted sister”. I kept trying to fix her which only led to my frustration. The good thing is she lived 1200 miles away, lol. I feel sad for her now as therapy and meds probably would have helped her alot. She was raised in an alcoholic violent home. I can now understand how she got to be the way she was. I try hard not to be her, probably go overboard in expressing my love for my kids and grandkids, dogs, horses, hubby. Sadly, she was my model of who not to be. Protect your self from painful darts your mom may throw. Try to not take it personally. An abused dog will bite you out of fear and anxiety, she may be that abused dog.
I'm glad you were able to find some sympathy for your mother, even though she abused you. I had to walk away in my late fourties, she never changed, and just was incapable of it really. We all do what we have to in order to save ourselves from our abusers, for me it was no contact...period.
Yes I agree. I dont think my mom showed any overt abuse. More a lack of expression of love I think. I supposed she couldnt give away what she didnt have. We were fed, clothed, typical middle class family and I think my dad tried to make up for what she was not. I was lucky in many ways, in the world of dysfunctional families, lol.
Thank you to all of those who took the time to read and comment on my post. It gives me hope to hear others' similar stories of abusive/narcissism. Although I feel completely drained of all energy and emotions and, don't even know if I could ever be whole again. Nothing to live for... (Sounds dramatic I know, I had to say it out loud somewhere)
My anxiety stops me from being creative and be open about it.
Concerned about my girlfriend's memory loss(please read) 
Just Wanting to Talk about Friend who has left me
Just a lil about what’s up with me
My husband just gave me a print-out of affirmations from his girlfriend
