Just me and my girlfriend..

[Need_Advice]

All my so called friends left me about 2 week's after I got out of a physiactriv intensive care unit (Picu) for under 18s been through a lot of shit lost my grandfather to suicide life's confusing don't even know who I am any more debating on what to do getting to the point where I just want to sleep all day and night far from am attention seeker I like to make people laugh and smile just the funny thing is on the outside I might act happy on the inside I'm trapped inside a horrible vicous circle. One of the worst decisions I made was mixing concerta XL with cannabis (methylphenidate) never felt the samended after that and done it for a while now I don't even drink alcohol (don't smoke cannabis anymore but I don't see any problem with it just don't mix please If a friend or someone you know is mixing cannabis with ADHD medication inform them to research on it ! I thought I was going to die at one point 90mgs mixed with 1g of bud (not a lightweight but this was first time smoking it in months after being in hospital and I was highhhh and having the worst trip of my life I thought I was back in hospital and people were standing over me having recpiritory problems with my breathing!) Went off topic a lot there remembered what I was writing about just oblivious to the fact my grandfather is gone now still doesn't seem real.. I love my girlfriend so much but dammmmm seeing her is like rare due to her own problems I'm just writing this because I don't have the balls to tell my therapist that I don't know what and who I am anymore don't even Want to be seen in public being paranoid and struggling to get out of the house on my own anymore and I just can't take this shit anymore I don't know what to doooo I have a lot of self harm scars that make me paranoid been using scarasil but it ain't working but what can you do?! Life's a beech if you read all of this I am genreally supprised at the internet

[vanessa3]

What's concerta? Weed ?

[Bekay]

Slow down ,Jesus life is short, I don't have the answer, drink water good clean pure water flush out what ever , your system .

[Bekay in reply to Bekay]

Sorry, for the loss of your

grandfather.

[blackcat64013]

You have written a lot which is good for your soul.

You need to make a deal with yourself to follow up with your therapist, even take a copy of this post with you because it is a snapshot of your thinking. Another deal is to be open and honest in your therapy.

I have two more deals for you. One, quit taking anything other than prescribed meds and two, make dates to see your girlfriend who can be supportive just by being by your side.

When life is tricky, just go for a walk to clear your head. You will be surprised by how much better you feel afterwards.

[Windy101]

I recommend talking to your therapist. It's hard to open up face to face but that's what's going to help you accept yourself and to mourn your grandfather. I'm so sorry for your loss and that he could no longer endure life ... but you can still have a good life, even if you do have this painful challenges to face. Believe me, your therapist has heard it all. They are not to break into pieces because of what you say - and they are paid to heard it. If you don't trust and like that person, try another one. Therapy can work with the right person, and it sounds like you really need someone to talk to. You did a good thing by warning people about that dangers of certain drugs and their combinations. Just try to keep in mind that while everything is very difficult right now, in time it will get better and with therapy and taking care of your health, a year from now your life can be completely different.