Need coping advice

[Abigailsdad]

I need help and advice on coping with my step-daughter's anxiety and depression. She is almost 28, severely overweight, and has had this condition for over 10 years. The tension in the house is almost unbearable. She has sensory issues so any repetitive noises, like ticking clocks, are major triggers for her anxiety.

My husband and I are retired, in our 70's, and lead a quiet life, except when she unloads her frustration with living in a virtual nursing home. She should have been able to be on her own years ago, but her mental issues have prevented her from holding a steady job. She sees everything through the lens of her depression and refuses, or is not able, to see our side or how this is affecting us. She says her "anxiety brain" is to blame. Even though we are on SS, we support her financially, including college, and this is a major strain on us. We have had to use our savings for a lot of it but that gravy train is going to pull into the station very soon.

I'm afraid that a big blowup is coming soon if we don't find help and advice from others dealing with similar issues. How difficult is it to get disability for someone like her? What avenues can we explore that we haven't already? She sees a psychiatrist for her meds and has a counselor, both of which we pay for because her insurance won't pay for them. Thanks in advance.

Desperate Stepmom

[Agora1]

Hi Abigailsdad, I certainly can understand your situation with your step daughter.

I have a foster child whom I adopted at 10y.o. who became Anorexic in her teens

and now as an adult about your step daughter's age, suffers additionally from Anxiety

and Depression. She was able to find an Attorney who specializes in Disability cases.

You only pay if he wins the case and he did. I hope you are able to find an attorney in

your area who will take the case on. It may give you some relief but know that it doesn't

solve everything. good luck xx

[Abigailsdad in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for that suggestion! I'll keep it in mind.

[bethelbee]

I, too, was going to suggest finding a lawyer who specializes in disability. I had a great one when I filed for myself about 6 years ago. Make sure you document everything; behaviors, non compliance of meds and/or changing of meds, any hospitalizations, inability to hold a job, whatever you can. The process can take months and many don't get approved on the first try and will need to appeal. I was fortunate to get approval on the first filling. If approved payment will be retroactive from when it was filed. You would get an initial lump sum, from which attorney's fees will be paid then get monthly payments thereafter. A friend of mine was not approved on first application but did win on appeal.I know this is not easy for you to deal with and wish you the best outcome! Feel free to ask me more questions through here or PM me.

[Abigailsdad in reply to bethelbee]

Thank you so much!

[4Itchy]

Ok. First of all, if she is capable if going to college then she is capable of figuring out all of her stuff on her own!It sounds like she is using you and you may be enabling her to continue her dysfunctional behavior. Take a stand! Release her!

She will have some failures but she will also become strong.

You and your partner need to move on and be happy for the rest if your life.

She is no longer a child and does not need you to parent her anymore.

Be strong.