Loneliness caused by Anxiety and depression.

[Shutterbug65]

Hi. I'm 52 year old male. I've suffered from anxiety and depression for many years. I'm currently on Xanax XR and Effexor, I also take mirtazapine at bedtime to help me stay asleep. I've been on a lot of different meds. This disorder has caused me to isolate myself socially. My life through the years has become very lonely. Most of my friends and family have gotten tired of my excuses not to attend events and simply moved on. I'm constantly worried about what will become of me, if I need someone for whatever reason I don't have anyone to call. I had a girlfriend for 8 years and she was the absolute love of my life, but she passed away 7 years ago from a long illness and I have not dated since. . I'm just worried that others will judge me negatively and I get nervous in social situations anyway. One negative thought just feeds off another. And I feel very uncomfortable around other people in a social setting. The mornings always tend to be the worst, I awake with a lot of anxiety about starting my day, eventually with the help of my meds, my mood slowly gets better as the day wears on. But I'm so tired of living this way. I have had thoughts of suicide, but they are only thoughts. I never came close to attempting it. Can anyone else relate to my situation?

[Hidden]

Yes, loneliness is difficult, and avoiding people can cause that. It is very difficult to be around people when anxiety is part of our lives, but always saying no to an invitation allows anxiety to win.

You're on the extended release Xanax, aren't you? I was on that for awhile, but my doctor and I decided to go back to a single dose of regular Xanax in the morning as I would experience anxiety when I woke and I needed something to catch the anxiety before it took hold. The other dose of xanax was taken later in the day.

Have you attempted to call or email or send a card to any of your family or friends you feel you've lost. It can be surprising how starting with such small steps can renew a lost contact. You may not hear back after just a few tries to renew these contacts. But keep trying.

If you have a therapist to help you work through this process, please try to do this soon.

It is not easy to attend a function or a picnic or a party, but you can actually accept the invitation and stay for as long as you can.....and that may be uncomfortable at first.

But the more you do something, the more it will become a habit, even if you are experiencing anxiety or depression. You may be surprised that one or more others are also feeling like you are at such functions.

Start small. Maybe coffee with someone one morning.

Or a lunch.

You actually can do this. It's not easy, but be lonely is worse.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Hidden]

Yes your right. Anxiety has caused me to live a very shallow existence. In my case anxiety has won. I never had a large group of friends, I was comfortable with a few close ones. But as time went on they got married had families and moved on. I always felt odd going to a social event because I don't have anything in common with my cousins. They talk of their families etc. I'm an only child so I don't even have any siblings. As a child I spent a lot of my time alone and besides having a few friends I was fine with that. Now my life feels completely empty and I constantly worry about getting ill and not having anyone to rely on. Just think of going to a hospital and not having anyone to call. Its a visious circle, one negative thought leads to another.

All I want is to be happy. To know I'm not alone. I may try therapy like you said but I have to see if my insurance will pay for enough sessions. And my work schedule may make it difficult to attend weekly sessions. So I feel stuck. I'm so afraid of what will become of me. And life just continues to pass me by.

Thank you so much for responding. Yes I'm on Xanax extended release but I also have the regular tablets to take as needed. Ugh I'm tired of meds.

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

We are a generation that was raised with families as a center of our social lives, never thinking this would be different when we were adults.

It is tough. Several years ago though I began to reconnect with nephews and nieces just using some of the ways I mentioned in my reply.

I budget just to catch a plane to the city where most of them live at Christmas for a few days. But many people are in your position as far as no children, i.e. You may want to see what AARP offers as suggestions or services, etc. It's cheap membership and I think I need to look through AARP's website too.

[Percyblue]

Definitely! I've felt left out in social situations and I wonder, Do they even know I'm here?

[CaptainCrunch]

Let me start by saying I hate to hear how you have been suffering for so long and about the lose of your girlfriend. Hopefully in time brighter days are a head.

As for similar feelings... YES! I am actually taking the same meds you mentioned. Also mornings are always my toughest. This last heavy bought had me sleeping all day on the weekends. I have lovely kids and I hate for them to see there dad so weak. I do see a therapist that focuses on OCD. My biggest problem is my compulsion to ruminate. So I have to weigh pretty much every thought I am having and check if it is a negative worry or something positive and healthy. I call it my razors edge. Because if I allow one negative thought through it tends to put me on a downward spiral and if not caught soon enough it could ruin the whole day. It is very trying. Especially when the obsessive thoughts tend to out weigh the positive ones 10 to 1.

Two things that have helped me are mindfulness and going for walks. I got a Fitbit and I just try to reach my goal every day. But the first thing I do in the morning is make some coffee and take it with me on a walk.

As for socializing I have found that I like to do sudoku at the library. The kids run around looking at books. And I can at least be around people.

Still everyday is a struggle but these are a few of the new things I have add to my life to get me moving.

Eventually my therapist and I will be working on ERP but I am doing lost of journaling inorder to catch and see the negative thoughts for what they are and then what the ruminating thought are that give me the reassurance my brain is craving.

It is so hard because I have been this way my whole life and this is the first time to ever deal with it.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to CaptainCrunch]

I to have a lot of negative thoughts. I just feel like it won't get any better. Like you said the negative outweighs the positive 10 to 1. I'm tired of being like this and would like to get on a better path in my life. You mentioned mindfulness, what is that? I've seen it mentioned before. You know how debilitating anxiety and depression can be. But you seem to be managing it well. I do ride a bike and go for walks which does help me feel better. But I keep thinking that I used to be so much happier. I want to find that place again. My anxiety is so horrible in the mornings, I'm not sure why that is. I only see a phychiatrist I would like to see a therapist but I'm not sure about insurance coverage and conflicts with my work hours.

Thank you so much for your reply. The information you gave is helpful.

[califflame]

I absolutely can relate. I am almost 67 and have had depression since I was 6 yrs old. I have tried everything and nothing not even God works. The older I get the harder it is. I am SO LONELY because my family thinks i do it for attention and always have and I dont want to be around anyone because it seems my being this way just brings them down..I guess that is understandable. BUT I really feel like I am SO DONE with the tears, lonliness and fears of what will become of my cats if I do something or fear of becoming homeles and on & on. I need people to chat with on here or anywhere that understand and can share their feelings with me. And just accept me for the way I am..PLEASE

[Shutterbug65 in reply to califflame]

Well I certainly can relate to everything you said. I also feel isolated, my family are busy doing their own things and to be fair they got tired of my excuses not to attend family events. And no one is close by anyway. I feel very lonely and wonder if I die at home who would know? I awake every morning with panic, racing thoughts all the ' what if' thinking. My Dad lived with me so that helped but he passed in 2014. My girlfriend of 9 years passed in 2010 and I just haven't been able to move on. I cry too, I miss so many people. I go to the food court at the mall just to be around people. It's sad.

So I'm always here if you need a new friend.

[califflame]

Once I am through with work all I want to do is go home and cry because I know I am putting on a brave face, fighting back tears when no one is looking but its all a lie. I live a lie everyday..To get me out of the house again is like trying to get a donkey to do something. I truly just wish it was just all over. I do have klonopin that I can take which does help me to not feel the awful emotional & physical pain as much but it does nothing to get me motivated. I actually was so sick of it all last night I tried to go to bed early because I knew I had to get up early to come to this job and I couldnt sleep even with my trusty sleep aid. I was so riled up about everything I literally wanted to just scream at the top o fmy lungs...I am not that kind of person. I dont scream at anyone. I feel lately like I have so much anger in me about having this for so long that I am just going to loose it and end up in some other dimension. I know this sounds so weird but I have never felt this bad before like i am so angry..and I dont know how to explain it BUT it is a new feeling..scary!! I would never hurt anyone or anything so it is not that kind of anger.

I know there is nothing any of you can do and I also pray that maybe some day each & everyone of you get some kind of relief from this invisible hideous disease BUT I do want you ALL to know I really appreciate everyone reaching out to me!!! It gives me something to look forward to see who is answering me and understand me and can say Hey you arent crazy or doing this for attention. Who would ever choose this disease just to get attention??