Disappointment and loneliness

[Lost_in_life]

I've had a friend bail on going to lunch with me two weeks in a row. She has legitimate excuses... but it's just playing hell with my depression (and anxiety). I don't have many friends (and I really suck at making friends). When she bails I start thinking about the fact that she and her partner plan to move to Costa Rico when she retires in just a few years; and, then I'll have even less friends living anywhere near me.

I know I should try to find new friends, but, like I said, I really suck at that. Also, I have a real hard time doing anything that involves rejection (including finding a new job!). I find that I get even more depressed than I already am when I get rejected, so I avoid stuff like the plague.

Also, I feel like I shouldn't tell her about how I'm feeling disappointed and depressed over it. I feel like I'll make her feel guilty; or make her avoid further contact... not that she probably would... we've already been through a lot over the last 28 years.

Anyway, now I'm trying to distract myself from this current bout of loneliness and depression; but, I'm finding all sorts of things that exacerbate my depression and anxiety. Even just the act of distracting reminds me of what I'm trying to distract myself from.

I just desperately want someone to hang out with IRL so that I can either take my mind off my life or vent about it!

[Thistooshallpass90]

I’m so sorry you are feeling down. I definitely have trouble making friends so it feels lonely being in a big city. This new year I did make a resolution to reach out to more people, even if it is through text or social media. Even those little actions make me feel like I’m at least on the right path. Friends are way more understanding than we give them credit for. There are so many people on here who feel the same, so please don’t feel like you are alone in this. I agree that distracting myself makes me think of the situation even more...funny how that works. Anyway, I just wanted to say “Hi” and you aren’t alone friend.

[Lost_in_life in reply to Thistooshallpass90]

Thanks. I wish social media would help but it just seems so "toxic" to me. Trying to make friends IRL is just so hard for me. Someone (a friend) told me that I often do things that are off-putting that I'm pretty unconscious of -- granted that friend is a bit overly critical of people. I'm usually okay at being by myself... but there are times when I really need company and getting disappointed really makes things worse.

[YolyD]

I have felt like you regarding not having friends. It can be emotionally draining. Have you considered joining a group? Do you have any hobbies you can be part of in the community or even make up your own? I joined one at a local church and It gave me something to look forward to during the week. I volunteer at children's weekly events so I get to prepare for it and kids always brighten the day-

[Lost_in_life in reply to YolyD]

Thanks. I don't have too many hobbies that are "group-centric." I tried to join a gaming group and never got invited back. That was the incident that prompted my friend to point out an off-putting trait that I was utterly unconscious of. At that point I came to the (probably exaggerated) opinions that: A) if I really do put people off in an unconscious manner then there really is no point in trying to make new friends; and, B) I feel more depressed by rejection than I feel from being alone. And the rejection thing overlaps into other aspects of life. I gave up on trying to find any romantic relationships. And, now that I'm unemployed, I'm terrified of applying for jobs and getting rejected!

So, in short, I don't really try looking for groups to join. I feel like I'm going to feel worse when it doesn't work out for me.

[YolyD in reply to Lost_in_life]

Have you tried a group that's on going where you can come and go as you please? I have seen the public library has different groups and they're open to the public. I am hopeful you will find something that will get you excited.

[Lost_in_life in reply to YolyD]

Thanks. That's a good idea. Unfortunately, I now too busy freaking out about finding a source of income to even think about finding friends (insert sheepish emoticon)... but, still, thanks for the suggestions.

[guynfl2chat]

I am a very outgoing person, but I have very few friends. I think I have always had the issue of rejection or fear of social gatherings. I even send an email (work related) and feel bad when someone does not respond to it quickly. It definitely makes me feel bad when someone bails on me for a birthday or something that I want to do with them. I completely understand. We need a connection to others to help us get out of our head. We also dont want to overwhelm someone with our issues. I go get massage and I have a therapist... as weird as that sounds I consider them a distraction and way to escape myself. They are both very good for me and I feel comfortable. I wish I had more friends and would go out more, but I dont think that will change because of the way I have conditioned myself to not trust anyone.

[Lost_in_life in reply to guynfl2chat]

I can identify with a lot of that. I really need to find a therapist but I don't have a source of income and I think I'm going to have to drop my ACA insurance.

[guynfl2chat in reply to Lost_in_life]

Well you have us here.. feel free to send me a private chat if you like

[Lost_in_life in reply to guynfl2chat]

Thanks. As I mentioned above I'm freaking out about finding a source of income right now... so, I'm too "scatter brained" to chat at the moment.

[guynfl2chat in reply to Lost_in_life]

Can you do Uber or Lyft in the meantime?

[Lost_in_life in reply to guynfl2chat]

I might have to... though, I'm trying to find something I can do from home. I'm living with my 83 year old father and I'm a little worried about leaving him at home... despite the fact that he's probably healthier than me... and he pretty much does whatever he pleases without asking me for help. I also have a lot of anxiety about driving on the highways here... so driving isn't very appealing to me.

[Hollick in reply to guynfl2chat]

How do you private chat, may I ask? Thx.

[Lost_in_life in reply to Hollick]

I don't chat very often but when I do I use the "Message" system on this site. If you send a message I'll try to get to as soon as I can... but it might be a while since I'm trying to stay active with other stuff.

[Hollick in reply to Lost_in_life]

WHERE is this message system you elude to, how do I find it???

[Lost_in_life in reply to Hollick]

oops... On my computer it's in the top menu. The menu shows "Home," "My hub," "Chat" and a bell icon. You select "Chat." Once you're on the Chat page you click "Compose" (on the left side) to send a message. I'm not sure how all this looks on the mobile version. I suspect it's called "Chat" on that version, too.

[Lost_in_life]

On my computer it's in the top menu. The menu shows "Home," "My hub," "Chat" and a bell icon. You select "Chat." Once you're on the Chat page you click "Compose" (on the left side) to send a message. I'm not sure how all this looks on the mobile version. I suspect it's called "Chat" on that version, too.