...I've been feeling really depressed. I thought my depression was gone, but that only lasted for a second.. I've been bullied my whole life. Literally, from pre-school to now in my first year of college(yes i'll be 18 this November), i've been dealing with reacurring bullies and new ones too. I don't have any sort of visual disability or anything, so that's not the case as to why i've been bullied every year of my life. On every transportation, I am stared at wrong. I'm not over exaggerating, I know people look around and may look at you for a moment, that's completely fine. Yet, people stare at me with angry faces regardless if I was looking at the or not. I do have a "resting bitch face" as they call it, but i am very anxious and a true introvert, so im constantly ..you know...not making eye contact and such ...not in a weird way though. I dont know....i've had what I thought was friends, but they're not in my life anymore..Every day and night I feel like I have to throw up...at times I don't even eat when im so upset. I am afraid of having a eating disorder or something if I ever get worse with this whole depression thing(just a thought i've had b/c every now and then I lose my appetite).. I'm tired too often... i'm tired of thinking the worse thoughts(for ex. family members deaths..or a feeling as if someone's hurt..) I'm afraid of returning to that one day, of when I almost attempted to hurt myself and i'm afraid that the introverted, anxious and depressed me, would stop me from getting out there, continuing to college and my future as a whole. I just need some self help advice or something...anything
*sorry for the long post*
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Buhbs
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Hi, I'm new on this cite, I am a collage student, mother and I work part-time. I felt compelled to reply to you. I surely don't have all the answers as a struggle myself. When I was younger the same, i was bullied for my reasons i had always thought reasons were because of being poor, not having the best clothes etc. So as a mother of two i have always bought my children the best and as my daughters is in her teen years now. I realize to life there is even so much more. And that is to be true to yourself no matter what. Congratulations for your first year of college. For myself to go to college from having such a hard time in high school it was the last thing i wanted to do. but as i was not happy in the job. I tired to face my fears. i am in my last year now, and still feel awkard but i try my best to over come my fears. And I say to you keep trying your best to be the best that you can be. Try to engage in conversations you may be surprised. I the same some days wake up and feel sick to my stomach. I can say i have more better days then bad as an adult but still struggle. I try to replace the negative thoughts with positive. Keep your head high and smile, smiling goes a long way. So when your thoughts are saying your not good enough say to yourself "you are". One step at a time! I believe in you, you should too!
Your not alone . We all feel like this at times . I do . We all have times of worry and being scared . Have you seen a therapist yet ? We all need someone to tell our thought too . You are in college and that is wonderful . Keep going , you got this . God. Bless !
Hi buhbs, so sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Cyber hugs being sent yr way! I also have struggled with bullying and understand how hard it is to cope with. Well done you for getting up and going to college! Yr the winner there, It takes strength and it's admirable that you're acknowledging the struggle but doing it anyway! To not continue would be the easier short term option, so you're already a step ahead, and yr inner strength is building with each day, even if u dont feel like it is. The more you battle, the more confident you'll become, believe me, I've been there. I suffer from panic disorder, anxiety, depression, ocd and at one point I became agrophobic and couldn't leave my home. But with perseverance and the help of my gp I improved and gained back my life. I still struggle at times but Ive gone from being a reclusive, shy, anxiety driven, hopelessly depressed loner, to being happy, focussed, i met my husband, learned to drive, and found a career. Sure, it took work and dedication, and still does, but you can learn to cope and live with depression and anxiety. Things CAN get better for you. I understand that can seem hard to believe when yr feeling so low But it's all about baby steps, and you're already taking some of those. Do you see your Gp? Are you taking any medication at the moment? While medication isnt for everyone, it can help a lot, even in the short term. I would strongly recommend speaking to yr gp about CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), it can help you find coping strategies with anxieties and feelings. It took me a few tries at it before it sank in, but for many it works great first time. I also found that once id began treatment and was feeling a little more confident, I joined a support/therapy group (through my gp), where we'd meet up weekly or fortnightly.i found this helpful with mixing with people, something I struggled with. I had no friends, and avoided interacting with people after being bullied. It was great to be around people who understood my ways and I learned to socialise. I'll never be brimming with confidence in that area but it really helped. I also suffered with the nausea and lack of appetite that u mention, and i still go off my food now when im having a low period. This is something else you could spk to yr gp about. I was given anti nausea medication when it eas really bad. I also understand how upsetting the intrusive thoughts can be. Distraction can be a good way of dealing with this, which does work with practice. Music, tv, reading,adult colouring or puzzles, having a shower, a walk...there are even some mobile apps for meditation and anxiety that can help you focus with practice. It is all very tiring, and draining both mentally and physically but there can be positive changes. You're stronger than you think, and it seems that you're aware of the signs when you need support which is also good. Don't be afraid of getting support from gp, therapists, social network groups such as this one. It can sometimes take a few tries to find what works for you, but you're not alone. There is help. What you're feeling CAN get better. Remind yourself of this in yr darkest days. Well done for speaking out about how yr feeling, this is also one of the babysteps towards better days. Sending you lots of positive vibes xx
^-^ I like the emphasis on "CAN." I haven't spoken to anyone, honestly. My mother does know that i've been talked abou/bullied all throughout highschool. My father doesn't really know...I haven't really gave any hints to him, just my mother.. I can say she doesn't know the severity of any of this. She has seen a "suicide note back in middle school..I got out in 2013.. so I'd say either 2012 or 2011 she's found it under my mattress and i passed it off as creating a story.. so I cant say for sure if she suspects anything of me. I mean she does work in the doctor/nursing fields.. Mainly on computers but does see patients so who knows. Everything else I have in fact tried. I don't feel strong enough to tell either of them all of this, although i've wished so bad that i would just come out and spill out my feelings. This is why i haven't seen anyone either... one of them is always in the room w/ me at the doctors so i always say no to being depressed with or without them. I like chamomille tea for now. It helps my headache and throw up feelings to go away. I also do breathing excersizes off youtube (5 sec in..hold 3 sec and repeat)
Im glad you're speaking about it, even on here helps. It definitely helps to share your feelings. Without knowing what kind of relationship u have with ur mom, maybe at some point you may feel able to speak to her about how you're feeling. I was hesitant to tell my family about how I felt at first but everyone was very supportive and wanted to help. Or if you dont feel able to do that, is there a way you could see a doctor without yr parents present? Im in the UK so it's possible to do that here but not sure where u are, or how that situation works with u. You've been struggling with this for a long time and there are definitley ways out there to help you manage and cope, but access to the optimal sources would be best sought through a doctor. Chamomile tea is a good choice! Though I'm not a fan of the taste myself. The breathing exercises are very useful. I use them regularly too. It's amazing how often I find I'm not breathing properly when im a little stressed, and it regulates it. Im glad you've found a couple of strategies that help you, it all helps. Yr doing a great job. Just please dont be afraid to seek extra support or share how youre feeling. It all goes towards coping and living a happy fulfilling life 😊
Thanks for the feedback, it means alot. Im in new york by the way. It just so happens my parents, is usually in the room with me,unless the doctor asks for me to be alone. I will do my best in seeking support hopefully sooner than later. One quote i try to follow "Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking"
I have this quote on my phone (screensaver). "If Your dreams dont scare you there not big enough" I hope you like this. I take out of it that going outside our comfort zone is hard...but to get us to were we wanna be we have to keep trying!
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