Hi, I'm 17 years old, just about to turn 18. I don't know the first day that i woke up and felt hopeless and overwhelmingly sad, but it occurred about two years ago, when i was about 15. I don't have a perfect analogy for how it feels, but the closest I've gotten is that it feels like a hole that's just slightly too tall for me to climb out of, yet i can see the sun overhead.
Most days i wake up and i feel sad right as i start the day. I go to school or to work and i put on a fake mask of happiness, but deep down, everything feels empty regardless. It even caused my girlfriend to leave, as i took a defensive stance against being sad by being an asshole. I feel some moments of happiness, with friends or when i'm with people, but it all feels fleeting. I'm scared to tell my parents about it, because i don't want them to change the way they look at me or have to put them through the grief of having a fucked up son. I guess what i am asking is if there's any possible way that i could get help for free or for low cost, so my parents don't have the burden on their shoulders. (i tried a school counselor but i live in a pretty small town and everyone talks, so that went bad pretty quickly). I don't know if i need meds or help or just someone to talk to, but i've realized that i need to face my problem directly and try to fix it, rather than continue to run away or try to duck it.