Who I want to be...

[Rachaelv25]

I have recently joined after having one of the worst panic attacks I have had in years. I experience a lot of anxiety. I fear that I am always less than everyone else. This day I was less than those around me. And they were not afraid to let me know it. My anxiety with being confronted with such reality I spent the entire afternoon crying, hyperventaliting, and hiding from everyone. The biggest problem was I was at work and this was the "proof" that they were all looking for that they were better than me. I was disappointed in myself. I want to be strong again, whole again. I feel lonely and isolated.

[BonnieSue]

You definitely were alone and isolated for awhile. You need to attack this problem before it takes over completely. You can't keep avoiding it because you see where that gets you, don't you? You have to turn around and face it down. Are you ready yet? It really isn't all that hard. Not nearly as hard as what happened today. Really.

[Rachaelv25 in reply to BonnieSue]

Thank you. I am sure hoping I am ready to attack this head on. I started down that path in Friday and I'm hoping that today I can stay strong.

[Hidden]

Hi I think this says far more about your work colleagues than about you. It sounds like they all ganged up on you which is awful. I have experienced this a few times before though not at work. Where was your manager in all of this? Your colleagues are bullies! They are actually less than you for behaving like this. Would you behave like this towards anyone?

I think you need to work on your self esteem and assertiveness, maybe though counselling. You are as good as anyone, not better or less and your feelings matter too. I would take this up with a manager and tell them what happened. You haven't got to put up with this especially in the workplace. This is bullying pure and simple.

[Rachaelv25 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I did talk to my manager. I am working on those things in counseling. I was brought up that no one is better or worse than others we all just gave different choices and experiences. They are bullies and I have allowed it way too long because I don't feel like I am good enough.

[Hidden in reply to Rachaelv25]

Good for you. Let us know what happens. Remember - you are good enough otherwise you wouldn't be in your job. Take care.

[RiderontheStorm]

Perspective is everything and our mind body connection is very powerful. Retain your dignity and take the high road with ignoring the noise as best you can in my humble opinion. Don't give toxic people power.

[Rachaelv25 in reply to RiderontheStorm]

So true! So true!