I want to just be done

[Pocha45]

I have been battaling severe anxiety depression agoraphobia just life in general for years I have hit the bottom. I lost a great job friends my joy you name it. I am an adult and scared out my mind. I thought i had life figured out she'd it seems I'm just watching mines pass by. While i was working the same feelings were still there. Summer is such a trigger for me i have am event to go too .. i am panicking i want to look good feel normal I haven't seen these people in so long. Why can't i just be normal I've never felt so down in all my life. I'm not looking for pity No one gets it because they are not going through it. Do we deserve this nooo ..i just feel trapped everyone says I'm doing it to myself.. how the hell do I start over?

[lovedogs51511]

My mom says its my fault basically so yea I'm completely feeling just like you! I'm praying to God if there is one to kill me in my sleep. I better not wake up tomorrow!! I'm very beyond done!!! I have the same anxiety that has kept me housebound for a decade, depression that should of killed me by now and yes I'm agorophobic!! Plus other problems of course. I'm probably the wrong one to talk to but just saying your NOT ALONE!!!

[Pocha45 in reply to lovedogs51511]

My mom says the same.. This is the worse episode I have had.... ever in my life i am so self conscious apart of that causes my agoraphobia. Night time is the only peace i get until i know i have to do something.. but 2 years ago you couldn't keep me in the house. Give 7 days a week...it drains you.. and me trying to retrain my brain is torture. O have seeked help but its not working maybe once again because of me

[lovedogs51511 in reply to Pocha45]

Its not your doing, these issues are not easy whatsoever to deal with! We both know that. At least you have had peace I haven't had that and wish,I knew how fabulous it could be!! Sorry your dealing with these issues now. Its tough to just get over this anxiety and depression to go back to a normal life. I sure hope you can!! I'm also big time self conscious! Keeps me locked inside until night I might be able to go out and stretch my legs. Last night I did cause it was 10 pm or later. No one could see me so I felt safe. Ill go stretch out for a quick walk tonight if I'm up. Like you said its pure torture and I can't find any medication that comes close to helping. Not a great feeling. Are you taking any meds??

[Hidden]

I was agoraphobic from age sixteen till I was thirty. I am forty this year. I don’t have a job or even a drivers license. I will be homeless when my parents are gone if my situation doesn’t change. I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. I have yet to find a solution. I missed many milestones of life. I am just accepting that I don’t fit in this world. It’s hard but we all have to play the hand we are dealt. It’s a living hell to be honest.

[Pocha45 in reply to Hidden]

I want to just die i am scared

[Shriendly in reply to Pocha45]

Pocha, if you are suicidal you should try to get help NOW. Go to the hospital if you have to. I am worried about you. Hug from me!

[Shriendly in reply to Hidden]

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Do you have a doc or counselor that you see? Take care.

[separationanxiety17]

Hello. I’m also someone who can’t really help you, but I’m in the exact situation. I’ve had anxiety and depression for awhile. It wasn’t till April that I started to become agoraphobic. I can’t even get a job without having a horrible episode. I’m about to get put on medication, and I’m just hoping that these pills are going to be a miracle. I’m going into my Senior year of high school. I thought I had my whole future planned out till now. I don’t think my parents understand. I hope we all find the answers we need. Sorry couldn’t have been of help. You’re not alone though.

[Lymeforyears]

Hi Pocha 😀 I have been where your at. You know, I read back some of your previous posts and you've shared that you had times where u felt great and would never stay home. I'm 50 and had anxiety and times of agoraphobia and I feel a fight and a hope in u. I've had times even recently where I've had a great mentality and just yesterday to go to the drivers license place I had a major panic attack but I did it. I lost freinds too but I assure you they weren't that great if they are not your freinds anymore. Really good freinds even if they can't understand will at least check on u now and then. You will find new friends. You just gotta put yourself out there which I understand is not possible at this time but you reach out to this group and I would be happy to be your freind. I too have low self esteem and it keeps me from being comfortable and like night time as well but you are normal. I work in home hospice for people with Alzheimer's, cancer etc and an very involved with families. You would not believe how many share with me that they have depression etc and they think I'm normal !!! 😳 Lol. We can't compare ourselves to those who haven't went through this. I mean my father and brother will never ever understand and won't even discuss feelings but I feel im a much more compassionate and kind person though not as successful as they are 😒 Everything u went through will make u stronger so u don't have to start over. Just live one minute at s time. U are not alone !!!!

[foreverbeach11]

Hi Pocha45. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Life can be very hard and it feels like it's never going to get better. There is hope. You have continued to get up each and every morning to face a new day. With each new day comes hope for that day. Maybe try to take a small step. Maybe consider what you would like the day to be and have a plan to do one thing. If you are looking for a new job, maybe spend a few minutes trying to find a new one. If you have a task to accomplish for the day maybe start the task and if you are not able to finish it do the rest later. Have you considered professional counseling? Maybe it would help you to manage your depression. Wishing you the best. You are in my thoughts.