Hello

Hi. I have just signed up. Some things about me:

Medical:

I have complex PTSD, anxiety, major depression (recurrent), fatigue, insomnia. The only one of those my doctor hasn't diagnosed me with is the anxiety. For some reason he isn't putting it in my chart, even though he has given me meds for anxiety. I'm wondering if maybe that's because it usually goes hand in hand with PTSD. I have tried several medications for the depression, which none have worked for me. The C-PTSD is something a lot of doctors are still not recognizing, so I feel lucky that I found a doctor who knew what I had. I felt alone until he told me what I had and I found there are many others out there with the same symptoms. It doesn't make me feel better that there are others who suffer like this, but it helps me to know that there is someone out there who recognizes it as a real problem and I'm not going as crazy as I thought I was. I have tried seeing several counselors and therapists and none of them have worked out. I generally feel worse after a few sessions of seeing them than I did before I started. I am taking a prescription sleep med to help with the insomnia.

Hobbies:

Well, I used to crochet, but for the last year I just don't have the oomph to get into it. I used to read, (it was ALWAYS my favorite pastime) but I don't do that anymore either. I just can't get into books. I can't focus long enough to remember the last paragraph that I read. I was also learning to paint with acrylic paints, but recently haven't been doing that either. So, basically, at the moment, I am doing nothing.

Other:

I am trying to get disability through social security because about all I do anymore besides nothing is I cry. I have been having a hard time finding a job because most places don't want to hire someone who has no people skills and cries all the time. And even if I did find a job, I don't think I could handle it. Fifteen minutes is about all the time I can handle being around someone else at the moment.

Not sure what else to write. Thanks.

Daisy

[simpleliving]

Hi Daisy, did you serve military? Also, would you consider the inability to work a final conclusion? There are types of careers that don't involve people or very little. I have huge amounts of faith in people. People need to be empowered. I have found a way to work around my depression and ADD along with my introvert personality.

[Hidden in reply to simpleliving]

Hi. Thanks for the reply.

No, I did not serve in the military. The C-PTSD is from being abused by a family member for two years when I was young, and I was constantly bullied in school. My response with the C-PTSD is flight/freeze. I am in constant hypervigilance mode, which is basically why I have insomnia and need sleep meds to help me sleep. I don't get quality sleep, I'm still hypervigilant even with the meds, but I do get about eight hours, which is better than none.

Anytime there is any slight noise I'm not expecting I react. I jump, my heart pounds, and then I freeze in my tracks. My muscles get tight, extremely tight. Basically, it scares the bejeezus out of me but I can't move. A neurologist did something to me last year that shocked my system and I have been ten times worse with responses ever since then. I was floating along, not great but ok, before that, but now I'm terrible. At the moment I have trouble trusting anyone.

At this moment in time, no, I can't work. I can't handle any type of stress. Maybe in the future if I can get a little better, get some control over my responses, I could. But right now even thinking of being in the same room as someone else for 15 minutes gives me an anxiety attack. I can't talk to people on the phone. I could email people, but I can't handle a lot of whining. I get angry easily (the PTSD) and having to read people constantly complaining and possibly even attacking me for something that isn't even my fault would stress me out. I recently tried to hang out in a chat room with the painting community that I joined before this last spat and I couldn't handle even chatting with them.

I don't have many skills either. I am 35 years old now. I was a dining server and housekeeper at a retirement home for 17 years prior to the shock that I was served last year. It was the only job that I've ever had. I have a certificate that I got at vo-tech in Occupational Child Development, but that was 17 years ago (during high school), and again, people. And I can't handle kids anymore. I don't think I could handle the stress of trying to run a business from home and I don't know what else to do. Because of the PTSD and the shock last year, I can't handle any type of stress right now. My primary doctor has told me that it takes a really long time to get over and through the shock I had on top of the PTSD and depression that I already previously had, and all I can say is that he's right, cause it's been over a year and I thought I'd feel way better by now, except I don't feel any better at all.

[simpleliving in reply to Hidden]

I recommend that you look into Homeopathy. I have done it for years. It works, it isn't a practice that calls for strong prescriptions. Please do, I am an advocate. Don't let 1 event change course in your life. Coping is one way to deal with the issue, but identifying what causes your pain and correcting it is maybe another path to go down. Possibly a path that has lots of positive opportunities. Homeopathy my friend, please give it some thought.