New job and fear of relationship falling apart

Hello everyone, few years ago I was diagnosed with depression. About two years ago my doctor put me off my meds and decided that I was fully recovered even though I don't necessarily feel that way. I experience a lot of anxiety and sadness.

I had to leave my job because of the stress it was causing me and now that I have found a new job, pehaps a better one, I should be excited and happy, right? Instead I'm freaking out not only because I'm worried I won't do well, but I'm also worried that the job will have a huge impact on my relationship.

My boyfriend works early shifts, usually from 4:30 am to 2 pm. The job I'm about to start is a full time day job, 9 am to 6 pm. We don't live together yet, our goal is to move out in the next few months. But I am so terrified.

I'm terrified that we won't have time to see each other or even call each other on breaks. I'm so scared of this possibility that our relationship will suffer because of our job commitments.

I would have preferred a part time job but none were available, so I took the best option that was on the market. Can someone please tell me if I'm having panic attacks for no reason? Should I really be worried or am I just being too sensitive?

The job itself might actually turn out to be amazing, the only disadvantage to it is that it operates on a 7 day schedule, I could work any 5 out of 7 days, including weekends, while my boyfriend's regular day off is always Sunday.

I'm feeling very anxious at the moment, I considered talking to my doctor but I don't think she takes me seriously anymore, thinking that my depression is surely gone forever...

7 Replies

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  • You can always get a 2nd opinion if you don't think your doctor is listening to you. And that 2nd opinion would best be a psychiatrist since that's the type of Dr. trained and educated to recognize and diagnose this kind of problem. You are describing both anxiety and depression which often do occur together and might need addressing with separate meds or certainly with just the right single med that addresses both problems.

    As far as schedules go, you can certainly be off every Sunday and another day in the week you'll be off and available when your boyfriend gets off of work. The other 5 days you'll both be available from just after 6 pm until his bedtime, whatever that is...9 pm or so. That's a pretty decent amount of time together. Certainly many people have relationships with that much or far less.

    The fact that you're "freaking out" is very serious and should tell you to get that 2nd opinion ASAP. Once you have your anxiety and depression under better control you'll be able to look at your work/off work situation with much more clarity and sensibility. Until then try not to make any judgments on your future. You just aren't in a good place to make such judgments. Please take steps to help yourself to get control of your mental health back. Take care.

    Blessings...

  • SueSz is right on this. Get that second opinion from a Psychiatrist and do it soon. Most are booked months out.

  • Dear Sue, thank you for your reply. I can't afford to see a psychiatrist at the moment but maybe once I earn enough cash I'll be able to.

    Regarding having Sunday as a day off, unfortunately that won't be an option - the store I'm supposed to work in wants me to be available on Sundays.

    I know there are a lot of people who work opposite shifts and somehow make it work for them, I know it can be done, but because of the fact that up until recently we were spending every minute together, I'm freaked out. It's like facing a completely different world.

    Once again thank you for your kind reply, it means a lot to me.

  • You do have a rough transition to make. Does your new job have an EAP program you could use for counseling appointments? Usually that's 5 appointments at no cost to you. You might want to check into that since it's their schedule demands that are causing you such stress.

  • I honestly don't know, I don't think the employer would be pleased if I told him about my mental health issues. I'm trying to convince myself that it will be just fine, but it's not working. I'm afraid of not being able to go to work on Monday because of all this anxiety. I've claimed illness benefits before, I don't think they'll allow me to do it again in case I'm not able to do the job. My partner is a busy man himself, I don't want to burden him with my problems when he comes home tired after a long shift...

  • SueSz is correct, get with someone asap about the symptoms you are experiencing. I must say a doc saying, "you're cured" seems very negligent. You are not "cured" if you are still suffering, and it is suffering when this occurs, a pain you need not feel if the proper help is found.

    As far as your relationship, text messages, cute pictures and notes go a very long way and many people deal with this every day, so you will be fine.

    The main thing is for you to find some help for yourself and then you can deal with what ever else you face.

    Hugs to you and good luck, just keep trying. The very fact that you have reached out here means you want to find a solution.

  • Thank you for your kind reply, I too think that my doctor doesn't really know what she's doing... I've talked to my partner and I think I'm feeling a little bit better now that we discussed my fears. We agreed to work with whatever we have and be grateful for any amount of time spent together. It will be tough, but having a job is also important to me and we need income to move out. Please keep your fingers crossed for me tomorrow, my stomach is in bits because of the nerves!

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