Thought everything was fine.

[Damesfly]

I am new here. I feel so alone. My husband recently told me he wasn't feeling the same about me. We are going to counseling but I feel so hurt. So lost. So alone. He has been keeping from me a female friend he met playing an online game. He states they are just friends. She is fun. I am not. He says it is just a friendship. Well he was my best friend. My confidant. Now I am alone. I am so alone. I tried to talk with family but i just heard how I need to make him happy. I don't want someone to tell me what to do i just don't want to feel alone anymore. I want to be better. I want to be happy. . I suffer from depression and anxiety and up until recently I was in control.. Now I'm not. I am a spiritual person but feel even there I am alone. I feel stuck and invisible.

[LMCello]

Damefly, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope you have shared all of these thoughts and feelings with your husband. My husband and I had a rough patch where he became very close friends with a woman who had so much more in common with him than I do. They didn't do anything but cuddle once or twice, but I felt betrayed and hurt. I want to be the person he goes to when he needs something. We went through a process of healing. He was very regretful. I asked him questions constantly for a few weeks at least. We are supposed to be the most important people in the world to each other, so it is worth the pain and the work to get through that together.

On another note, during another time of my life, I discovered that I was relying too much on my (then) boyfriend. You say you are so alone. You need to have friends to lean on. Do you have anyone? If you need someone to talk to, I am here. You need a support system. People who you constantly check in with, not necessarily about your depression or anxiety, but just people to talk to.

[Damesfly in reply to LMCello]

Thank you for your support. How did you get thru it? Before I met my husband I didn't rely on anyone, I was a single mother with 2 daughters. I took care of myself. This is my second marriage and I never wanted to get married again. I don't trust easily or often. So when he wanted to get married it was important to him and after awhile I could only see myself with him. He was caring and thoughtful. I don't need him in my life. I want him in my life. I guess I would just like to know what is going to happen so I can move on. But I love him. He is my best. Friend. I thought so any way. I want to talk to my friends but it seems there is only one who is really willing to listen and to be there for me. I don't want to burden her. I am usually the person someone else goes to. So they don't know what to say to me.

[LMCello in reply to Damesfly]

When I found out, I left the house and him (he was asleep at the time) and called a friend I knew I could count on. I told her I needed her and asked if she would meet me somewhere. I didn't speak to my husband that whole day other than to tell him I needed space. He was distraught. I have never seen him like that, about to cry because he didn't know what was happening.

I spent the night at my friend's house. I let myself process all of my emotions. I wrote down every thought I had about it. I wrote down every question I wanted to know the answer to. Every feeling I was having.

Only after I knew exactly what I wanted to say to him and ask him did I call him and talk about everything. We made up, but it took at least a month for me to completely heal. When thoughts and insecurities and uncertainties would enter my mind, I brought them to him, and we talked about them.

You have to have friends. You have to have people you can rely on to be there for you when you can't handle something. I didn't even tell my friend why I was upset with my husband. I still haven't told her because I honestly don't think it's anyone's business but ours. But she was absolutely integral to helping me reconcile with him and process everything. All she did was listen and let me stay in her guest room for a night. But I know if I ever need anything, she is there for me.

Please talk to your friend who cares for you. They care for you for a reason. You are important to them, so of course they want to help you when you need help!

[Damesfly in reply to LMCello]

I read what you wrote and immediately I cried. How painful that must have been. Right now my husband asks me how I'm doing. I don't know what to say. I know I should share with my friends. I just can't. Your friend is amazing. I just don't want to burden anyone. I want to thank you for responding to me. You can't imagine how your messages have helped me. Thank you so much! I feel safe here. That is not something I've felt a lot lately

[Damesfly]

Hi LMCello

I just wanted to you to know you have been a big help to me. I am beginning to find myself. Thank you