Feeling Hopeless

[aladdin77]

This is the first time I am opening up on here. It is especially hard for me because I feel as if I don't have a major triggering traumatic event or moment to onset this depression and anxiety that I am feeling. On top of that, I am only 26 years old who most would think has a pretty good life (on the outside at least) and I feel like there should be no reason for me to feel this way.

I had a similar episode of depression and anxiety 3 years ago, when I was a senior in College. For months, I did all the things your not supposed to do (isolate yourself, eat poorly, not ask for help) and it was one of the most difficult times of my life. Eventually, I asked for help, reached out to friends and family, found a therapist, and was able to conquer the battle.

Since then, I decided that I wanted to be an advocate for mental health by using my goofy and silly personality to make people smile and be that shoulder to lean on for anyone going through a tough time. I wanted to be the person that I wish I would have had by my side when I was battling depression. For the last 6 months, I was doing just that for my friends, family, and my community and I truly felt as if I had found my purpose. Then, in March, after a vacation nonetheless, the depression and anxiety came back with full force.

Since then, I feel as if I have slowly been disintegrating. My bed traps me in the mornings with dark thoughts ruminating in my head. My self-care habits seem pointless. I lack the motivation to do anything, which makes it especially difficult looking for work. The worst is the constant cloud over my head and inability to concentrate enough to hold conversations with people. This part especially hurts because my vibrant personality and ability to talk with people were my only real skill, without it, I feel like I am a complete idiot. I can't express myself and feel as if I am drawing a complete blank in my head all the time. DOES ANYONE FEEL LIKE THIS TOO?

This episode has caught me so off guard that I can't muster up the energy to do the things I know I need to do. For about a month and a half now, I have been trapping myself in my parent's house escaping by watching TV. I am afraid of everything and am avoiding interactions with anyone. The numbness and blank head space have me feeling like I am mentally and emotionally broken and defeated.

[Hidden]

I wish I knew what you say to help. I am going through the same exact thing. I'm so lost and definitely feel defeated. Praying you find an answer.

[BonnieSue]

You definitely need to see a doctor and get on an antidepressant to restore you to normal mental health. Please make an appointment asap because it will take time to get in and time for the drug to work. It can take up to 6 weeks for the drug to reach full effectiveness and then a few months to continue to recover. A counselor to see you one-on-one is highly recommended for a healthy recovery.

[aladdin77 in reply to BonnieSue]

Thanks for responding. I've been on anti-depressants for close to a month now so we will see how that turns out. I've also been speaking with a therapist I used during my last major episode who was so crucial but it's felt as if the dialogue has been repeating itself the last couple of sessions. It's probably because I can't let go of the same cycle of thoughts but who knows.

Thanks for the advice, much appreciated!

[AmandaMK]

I feel I can relate to your situation quite well! I'm only 19 and I also have had no traumatizing event that would explain why I feel so down. When I was starting high school it hit me like a sucker punch. Since then I've been seeing my Therapist and taking my medicine. I have a great life with people who love me. So when I'm in the middle of my Sophomore year in college, why NOW does my depression and anxiety relapse and show its ugly face? I'm still trying to figure that one out myself. I still try to retain my goofy personality and try and bring others up. This site helps a lot. Lately I've been feeling mentally detached like my brain is empty and fuzzy . Like my feelings are more numb and I have to reassure myself its a worry lie. But no matter what it is, it's still painful. Just because you don't have a trauma, doesn't mean you aren't suffering like everyone else. The thing about Anxiety and Depression is it can come when you feel fine. It has a lot to do with a chemical imbalance in the brain I believe. You're not alone in this!!!

[aladdin77 in reply to AmandaMK]

Thanks for responding!

The "WHY NOW" feeling is what really has me messed up. Like you mentioned, it can come up when everything is going well. It's just frustrating, as I'm sure you can relate.

"Lately I've been feeling mentally detached like my brain is empty and fuzzy . Like my feelings are more numb and I have to reassure myself its a worry lie. But no matter what it is, it's still painful."

I can relate to this feeling so much. The fuzzy numbness has crippled me this last month and a half. I feel as if I can't process or retain any information. I'm a shell of who I used to be.

[BonnieSue in reply to aladdin77]

Do you think it can have anything to do with the angst of being somewhat near launching into your adult worklife? Wondering if you're heading into the right direction for you or exactly what IS the right direction for you?

[Hidden]

I feel this too.

Hope it passes soon for,you.

I too have been here before and it has returned,

You did so well.

Hard to think positive but I know we can do it again.

Hope it's soon x