i'm new here, struggling with depression,anxiety and have developed memory loss when i get angry/frustated

[justamy95]

I've struggle with depression all my life, been in and out of mental health services since i was about 7 years old.

At the age of 15 i started to have panic attacks, i had to leave school due to them. no less then a year later of starting with the panic attack, i began to become very angry and frustated for no reason which would lead to arguements (normally im a very shy, calm person). when ever i would get frustated and angry, it seem to lose my memory of being like that. I can't seem to rememeber but my mother told me that i became verbally aggressive and also tried to harm myself and others around me but i can't seem to rememeber ever doing it ( the only way i can explain it is, its like waking up from a dream you know something has happened but you just can't seem to rememeber). after that incident it happened another 2 times then seemed to just go.

i went 6 year with out any problem with the anger memory loss. Recently its started again, the panic attack have come back and i can't concentrate or rememeber little things. for example forgetting im having a coverstation and when being asked questions, im getting confused and taking my time up to 10 minutes to answer back (also noticed i have been repeating myself and slurring words) i also can't recall days i completely forgot what i did on the 14th march and i still can't rememeber.

On the 15th it happened again i rememeber being down stairs talking to my mother and then it was blank and im up stairs in my room crying, getting angry and having bad thoughts. there was nothing to set me off.

i went to the hospital because i was scared and worried with me forgetting what im doing and the anger, i thought i was going to harm my self or some one around me. i had blood test done and spoke to a doctor, they said they didnt see anything and put it down to my depression and discharged me.

im wondering if any one has ever come across this because i haven't and im so worried, its like ive had a complete personality change with in 3 weeks.

i do apologies if any of this is triggering, im so worried i don't know what else to do. just any help would be really appreciated.

[Sclarkstone]

Hi. Memory loss is very normal with depression. The days memories are stored to long term memories during sleep and if your sleep is not so good then they won't be stored or only stored in parts.

Also your mind is trying to cope with a lot and if forgetting the dark times means that you can carry on then it will do that.

It is completely normal and nothing to be worried about.

[justamy95 in reply to Sclarkstone]

I haven't be sleeping actually so that makes alot of sense, thank you for you help.

[Kyles]

The health service sent me to cognitive therapy. It was my doctor who got me a local group. I dont think my family understand depression. My mum had a lot to do with mine and so i like to go to the councilling it releases all that agression and frustration you have in your head. The memory loss is prob stress and blocking all what you really want to say. Sometimes we dont want to hurt the people close to us so we keep it in. My mum is a good person now but had issues and cant talk abt them. Which causes a barrier with me. It is so hard thats why I came on this today for the first. Cognitive therapy goes back to all your triggers so you can talk to a stranger let it all out and find ways to maybe help your triggers x hope this helps. Chat away if you need x

[Kyles in reply to Kyles]

My memory is rubbish when im depressed. I thought it was my tablets but its flippin stress with me. Thinking of a big walk today x I dont have brothers or sisters to run to either and work full time so cant even go to me councellor.defo a walk for me x

[justamy95 in reply to Kyles]

i have done congntive therapy when i was 17 it help with the panic attacks but with the depression not so much. they brought all my past up then basically said we will see you next month. so i was left for a month to deal with all my past with no help so it made me worse. i understand they are busy but i just thought, i dont think i can cope going through that again. i have put up a barrier and have become completely distant from my family, which probably isn't helping but its like a nasty circle i can't seem to get out of. thank you for your advice, i appreciate it x

[Getting-it-together]

I'm very sorry to hear that this is happening...i can't say that this has happened to me, but I am very afraid it will...i begin to have thoughts, and I'm afraid that someday I will come out of a transe and have done something horrible. I do believe I am depressed as well...I hope you get the help you need, and I hope we get through this. It can be very scary...I know.

[justamy95 in reply to Getting-it-together]

i've recently been to adult mental health, they want to do some test to see if they can find the cause. i've also been put on some tablets so help with the stress. It is scary, i've been as honest as i can with the doctors so it now in their hands. i also hope you get the help you need and if you ever need support, i'll be happy to help.