i'm new here (i have depression and anxiety)

[sachoo]

i joined here because i recently didn't know who to talk to anymore - i have been struggling with anxiety and depression for 6 years and i am fed up and hurting, some days i feel overwhelmed with emotion and raw pain and i feel like screaming, other days i feel empty and numb and lifeless

it's hard to see the beauty of life, especially for a sufferer of depression. i spend my days in bed, watching netflix 24/7. it's hard to see an end to this rut.

i had such high aspirations for myself. when i was really young, i was an overachiever and a smart little cookie who was so happy, despite having divorced parents

now i feel i have lost that little girl, lost the spark in my eyes and the real person underneath - i now feel like a lifeless body who is merely a list of symptoms, instead of a real person

i still have goals but i fear my condition will stop me. i'm scared and i just want the pain to end. i have had lots of therapy and antidepressants and i have the most amazing mum, but it's still hard to see the good in life. i'm constantly exhausted and feel weak, my sleeping is all messed up and i eat a lot to deal with the pain (love a bit of KFC), sometimes i can't breathe and i feel sick, i scream and cry and feel so alone in this pain

i'm here to talk to others who understand and get it - no one in my life gets it - the feeling of wanting to die, no one in my life understands

the person underneath (who i am losing) is happy and crazy and fucking hilarious if i may say so myself, but the darkness of depression takes all my personality away

i would never wish for anyone else to feel this way, but i know there are many who do

i'm here to help myself heal and to help others, because depression sucks and even though we feel alone, we're in it together - if i can make one person smile, it would be a good day

none of you are alone, no matter how excruciatingly alone you feel - someone in this crazy world loves you, you are loved, and you have such strength inside that you haven't even recognised - i recognise it

i guess i need to try and recognise it in myself...

anyway, i hope tomorrow is a little better than today - smile 😊

[Kainan]

Hey sachoo. welcome aboard! Glad you're here with us. You're not alone . There's just so much support on here, and I hope you continue to reach out. 😀

[sachoo in reply to Kainan]

hey kainan, thanks so much for replying, it really made me smile

i hope you're having a good day

[Kainan in reply to sachoo]

No probs. Anytime

[Wiganladlovesapie]

Hi. I’m Andy.

A warm welcome to you. And you are so very welcome here.

I took a lot from what you wrote. But through all of your pain, you inspired. There is a light still within you. And it shines bright in your words. Have you thought about maybe putting everything you feel, and know, down on paper, or the keyboard?. A diary of some sorts?. Maybe it’s time to find the lost joy within you. What makes you feel you again? What can you do to feel inspired? You are so far from a ‘lifeless body’. You are a real human being. Deserving of happiness, peace of mind and love. There is so much good in this world. And so much good that you could do. You can be that inspirational person, eventually. Helping people who need a guide through this life. Like you now.

Find your joy. Find your inspiration.

I always say that a person who is on their knees in a deep hole, doesn’t need someone shouting down to them saying that they are here, it’ll be ok. They need someone to climb down into that hole, figure things out, take their hand, and then can climb out of that hole with them.

We are here together. All of us. Ready to climb down with each other.

If you ever need an ear, I’m here.

Take good care of you.

Andy🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

[sachoo in reply to Wiganladlovesapie]

hi andy,

thanks so much for your response, i really appreciate it

i know that deep down there is some light in me, some days it shines brighter than others, and some days the light is barely noticeable

i do sometimes write down how i feel, on the keyboard - it does help, especially because i don't have to hide anything or censor my words, i can be totally and brutally honest

my goal in life is to help others who have endured similar hardships to me, and i still strive to do that, but some days it feels like i won't make it and i am just fooling myself

your words meant so much to me, thank you for taking the time out of your day to write that

i hope you have a good day and remember we too are here to climb down and figure out a solution to climb back up - you are never alone

[Wiganladlovesapie in reply to sachoo]

You are so very welcome.

Let me just say this. You will make it, and you are not fooling yourself. We have to be totally honest with each other. Good days and bad. Because what would be the point otherwise.

I’ll say it again. I’m here for you. I’ve got good shoulders. But I really appreciate knowing that if I falter, I know where to go.

Take care of you.

Andy👍

[sachoo in reply to Wiganladlovesapie]

you've made my day andy

i'm here for you also

we are all in this together, no matter how alone we feel

[kv3011]

Hey girl, I totally feel you! I am exactly the same. I am (or was) such a bubbly, happy, fun person! But I can’t even seem to get off my couch to make myself feel better. I’m shutting out my family and friends which I know is the worst thing to do. I used to fake a smile and fake it but the last couple of days I just can’t.

My therapist says to me that it’s a good thing I still have dreams and aspirations. I still want a family and pursue my goals. At the moment it’s hard but I know it will get better at one point..

The same goes for you (and anyone else reading this). Yes, life can be really shitty at times. Handling situations that are out of your control are so difficult. But things will get better again. And then things will get worse again. And then things will get better yet again. Life is a roller coaster and we need to learn the strategies to cope with it.

If you ever need a friend to talk to you can send me a personal message if you’d like. 💜

[sachoo in reply to kv3011]

hey,

i completely understand that. i am always in bed, sleeping or watching grey's anatomy haha.

i always shut out my friends, it's such an easy thing to do, especially because we feel they don't understand - and i definitely used to fake being happy (because the person under the depression is such a happy girl, so sometimes it was easy to fake) - other times where i was really low, i couldn't fake it anymore

i'm super glad you still have dreams and aspirations, as do i, i want to help others and definitely want a family (we're quite similar aha)

sometimes it's definitely hard to see the future though, and to remember that you can do this

life is super shitty but there is also such beauty in it too - like this site, its incredible and i'm glad to be speaking to you and everyone else on here

anyway i hope you have a good day and remember to smile, even when you don't feel like it

remember you're doing great and that's all we can ask for

i too am always here for you if you ever want to talk, message me whenever you feel alone xx

[Agora1]

Hi sachoo, you are no longer alone. This is a very caring and non judgmental

group who support each other despite their own struggles. Reach out and

know that we are but a message away. That alone is worth it's weight in gold. xx

[sachoo in reply to Agora1]

hi,

thanks so much for your message, it means a lot

i'm so glad i've joined here, it has already made me smile many times

you too are not alone, and you can reach out to me whenever

sending love to you x

[CHPA]

Hey there. I think most people start as a bubbly enthusiastic kid and then are tempered by real life. That's normal. But overlay everything else you discuss.. that is tough. You mention you have had this for six years but don't mention any treatment? Have you seen anyone or are you on any meds?

[sachoo in reply to CHPA]

hi,

thanks for your message

yes i'm taking medication - currently on sertraline (used to be on fluoxetine and now i am changing to venlafaxine)

i've done CBT and psychotherapy also

hope you're well

[CHPA in reply to sachoo]

Meds are hard. My wife was in half dozen until she found the right doc who prescribed the right med. and she found the right friends and life came together. Don’t give up. It does come together in time.

[sachoo in reply to CHPA]

meds are indeed hard. i'm glad your wife is doing well and everything is coming together.

thanks for your message. i appreciate it.😊

[cmc75]

I can relate to everything you said here. I wish I had some answers for you other than keep going. I know you said you have tried medication and therapy. Have you had a physical work up also? I had a thyroid test years ago when I was pregnant with my son and found out that I have hypothyroidism. Knowing that information doesn’t provide a cure for what you’re going through but if that is part of the problem, it would be helpful to know. I have just started talking to a counselor again. I decided to get on BetterHelp and they have webinars available also. I try all the self help stuff I can find as well. I hope that there is something that will turn things around.

[sachoo in reply to cmc75]

hi, thanks for your message x

i have done blood tests and stuff like but haven't done a full physical work up

i guess knowing and having a name for the problem does help, that way your mind isn't wondering of all the different possibilities it could be

i'm glad you're doing loads of self help stuff, that's great

hope you're doing well

[SillyDuck]

Hello. Sorry to hear about your suffering and pain. I have lots of anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder. I have had it all my life. Right now for the past 2 months my anxiety physical and mental pain are horrible. I do find that exercising, meditation, breathing techniques and listening to music helps me alot. They're alot of good soothing music on U-tube and apps to download, such as headspace, calm and others. Also, make sure you are eating healthy, keeping hydrated. Sleep is very important. Eating healthy and sleeping are extremely important for your mental health. Go for a walk every morning is a big plus. Fresh air. I'm here if you need to talk. Keep on praying 🙏🙏🙏🙏. It does get better.

[sachoo in reply to SillyDuck]

hello, thanks for your response, i appreciate it 😊

i'm sorry to hear about your pain also but i'm also proud and glad that you're pushing yourself to exercise and meditate

eating and diet is such an issue for me, i eat a lot of junk and shit

on my good days, i try and eat really healthy but then the next day i feel super depressed and eat to help the pain - so for me, it's hard to maintain a balance and consistency

again my sleeping is a mess, i sleep all day and i'm awake all night and sometimes i can't fall asleep and i'm tossing and turning loads - my doctor has given me some medication now so hopefully it will help (even though i've had sleeping meds before and it didn't help)

enough of my rambling😂

i hope you're doing well and i'm here if you ever want to talk

keep fighting!!