New to this group. Seeking non-medication options to fight depression and relationship issues

[mommyO]

Hi. I'm new here. I have been pretty down for over a year now - off and on but mostly on. I have teenage kids that increase my stress levels. Thank God one of them is in therapy now too though I'm not sure how much that is helping her. I just booked a visit with a new therapist today after not having one for about 2 years. She sounds good. Let's hope. I'm not sure I can afford her but it's worth a try. In addition to feeling somewhat depressed I probably have lingering PTSD, anger management issues, relationship and parenting issues and I'm peri-menopausal. Quite a combo. My top issue is really trying to remain calm around my tween daughter who is likely depressed and is presenting with extreme irritability. When she explodes, which is all the time (literally multiple times per day), and particularly when she is ignoring, disrespecting, or screaming at me, I cannot maintain composure. Though to be fair I'm not great at staying chill even under more normal circumstances. I am trying to meditate more but am not able to do it more often then a couple of times a week. I do not want to go back on meds so I am open to trying just about anything else. Any tips for me? Thanks.

[Trish2016]

Personally I have a very different situation than you not being a mom and having to deal with that difficult dynamic but some things I do to stay calm when dealing with anger is to point blank state my emotions, for instance saying "that makes me feel sad or you're hurting my feelings" has been more effective than getting defensive or arguing if that makes sense when talking to people. As a child with a parent with mental illness it was very helpful to know my parent was going through similar things as me and helped me to open up more to them. It is also good to approach people you are angry at with love despite wanting to yell. These are really hard things to do but I suppose actively trying to show love and empathy in the face of anger has helped me stay calm and feel better about fights afterwards. General techniques to help me calm down have been journaling and listening to music. There's a lot of research that music can actually take over your moods via entrainment so if you really need to calm down that's helped me. I hope this helps somewhat even thought i'm not in a similar situation as you!

[mommyO in reply to Trish2016]

Thanks Trish2016. That sounds like good advice.

[Kobojunkie]

Just curious, since depression is a state of mind, doesn't your choice to manage it in fact mean you are working towards adjusting to living in a permanently depressed state? 🤔

Why not opt for treatment( typically involves medication) so you can switch from a depressed state of mind to an undepressed one, say a happy one for instance, and then work towards adjusting to living in a permanently undepressed state of mind instead?

would you rather manage a migraine or would you rather look for ways to get rid of the migraine instead?

there is no need to suffer needlessly ... Dr Oz

[mommyO in reply to Kobojunkie]

Kobojunkie I've tried Meds and they didn't really work for me. So I'm looking for other options.

[Kobojunkie in reply to mommyO]

please try another doctor. Try again. There are so many different types of anti-depressants out there today that it is almost impossible there is not one that will work for you.

I say this because no one deserves a quality of life that is not the best. Managing depression is what I did for the first 35 years of my life. I had childhood, my teens, my twenties and much of my early 30's stolen from me all in the name of "coping with depression". If I knew then what I know now, I would never have opted to live managing and spending so much energy on an illness that there was treatment for. It literally consumed my very existence back then. Today, I barely even remember I had it until It's bedtime when I need to take my medications. 😁 heck that don't bother me much either cause it also helps me sleep better

[mommyO in reply to Kobojunkie]

Thanks kobojunkie. I'm seeing a new doc this week. I hope she's good.