22 Years of Treatment. No help.

[laurenceMoville]

I am 55 years old and have suffered from depression and general anxiety since age 17. (I was a happy child until age 12, then I began to change, and five years later the depression was fully in place.) For many years I avoided seeking help but finally saw a psychiatrist twenty-two years ago. Since that time, I have received every form of treatment: multiple types of SSRI and SNRI, with and without adjuncts; MAOIs and Tricyclics; Electro-Convulsive Therapy; various forms of talk therapy (including CBT). I have also tried dietary supplements, acupuncture, and hypnosis - all to no avail. Most recently I underwent multiple Ketamine infusions - again with no response.

In the past, people have suggested things like exercise, cutting out caffeine, breathing exercises, trauma releasing exercises. I have read dozens of books, visited dozens of websites, read hundreds of articles and papers on theories and treatments of depression. After twenty-two years I am no better off; I may even be slightly worse. Sorry if this sounds harsh but while I appreciate people showing well-intentioned sympathy, it doesn’t help. I’m looking for some practical means to reduce the pain.

Depression and anxiety have ruined my life. I am driven by an overwhelming urge to isolate myself. I fight it as hard as I can but it wins. I hate being this way. I don’t want to die but I don’t know how much longer I can keep going. If you know of any treatment that might help, please let me know. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[DOGS-GIZMO-FRODO]

I would definitely agree with cutting out caffeine as you can get hooked on endless cups of coffee that just give you the shakes and make you feel on edge. I love my tea and coffee and for the last year have stuck 100% to caffeine free. Most supermarkets charge a lot more for de-caf but Aldi's own brand de caf coffee with blue lid is really nice and also their pink box de caf tea.

IT IS WORTH GIVING YOURSELF A MONTH OF CAFFEINE FREE living and see how you get on.

Sorry to hear you have been through SOOOOOOOOOOOO much.

Keep the faith. Look for a talking therapy group near you as a problem shared is a problem halved. With the fast pace of life nowadays lots of us have no human contact everything is on a smart phone or computer but if you can get out and meet fellow humans it is the way to go.

Sending you good wishes.

[BonnieSue]

There's the treatment with magnets, transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), that appears to be available, and another form of electrical stimulation called transcranial direct stimulation (TDS). I haven't checked each of these out yet but they claim to have had their successes and you might want to check them out. I have a son with your dilemma and we may have to check these 2 methods out ourselves. I wish you great success in finding a solution for your relief.

[Dogs123]

I'm sorry for you pain. I started getting better after taking classes called DBT. It teaches you how to deal and live. I take meds and have built a support system. I've been handling depression since I was a child also. I'm 58. I've decided to manage my depression and anxiety, instead of being a victim of it. Most likely a chemical imbalance. It is hereditary. You can do this, don't isolate. Blessings

[Beevee]

Hi Laurence. Have you ever tried doing absolutely nothing about the way you think and feel instead of fighting all the time? When I say nothing, I mean allowing yourself to feel anxious, to feel depressed and just leave it be. You admit that you have fought it as hard as you can and your post is full of stuff that you have done to try and get rid of your anxiety and depression. This is the very reason why you are still struggling. You are struggling because you are continually trying to escape from the feelings when all along, they are trying to escape from you but you won't let them. It is mentally and physically exhausting. So exhausting that your mind has lost its elasticity to think around problems, only of the problem itself. No wonder you are depressed.

To recover, give up the fight and change your attitude towards the symptoms and literally make friends with it. Learn to accept them, learn to be ok about not feeling ok, roll with the punches, so to speak. If you feel anxious, so what? If you feel depressed, so what? Stop fighting all the what ifs and change your attitude to so what. Give up caring about how you feel and go about your business. Take the thoughts and feelings with you, let them scream and shout as much as they want but learn not to get involved and say, I don't care, and mean it.

Create a space between you and your symptoms and become an observer to them and don't get drawn into a fight. Gradually, the thoughts and feelings will lose their strength and start to fade away until they no longer matter. You will start to lose interest in them and your head will start to fill up with other outward interests and not inwardly thinking about anxiety and depression all the time.

If you don't already own a copy, read Self Help for your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes and apply her teachings which is all about stepping aside and letting nature take care of the healing process. The book also explains why you feel the way you do. Dr Weekes refers to depression as depletion. Because your vital resources have been drained ((like a flat car battery) with little or no desire to do anything. Continuous fighting just keeps draining your battery so the symptoms hang around all the more. It is you who is stopping yourself from recovering or recharging that battery. Your mind and body is waiting to recover, you just have to learn to accept how you feel and things will automatically start falling into place. Time is the healer, knowledge and understanding of anxiety and depression is the foundations and building blocks to recovery.

You won't get better until you stop trying to get better.

You hold the key to those jail bars in your picture. Unlock the door and let the thoughts and feelings escape.

[Hidden in reply to Beevee]

This is incredible. Thank you.

[KKoonz23]

I totally agree with Beevee. Thank you Beevee for saying that because I can see how that can help so much. Also, Laurence, I'm not sure this will make sense or may sound completely silly but, do you have any loved ones? Or perhaps a partner? I'm not sure why but... even though I can think of a million scientific things to tell you or personal experience... there is one thing screaming out to me as I read your post and that was love. Sometimes... I have seen where love can do wonders for someone. You can be the most miserable person in the world and isolate yourself from everyone, do every treatment and still be miserable. Until something worth loving comes along. Sounds silly and stupid to me but who knows?

[monica44]

Have you tried TMS- I hear they are having good results?. I have been sick for 5 years since I retired-meditate, journal and do yoga. I also perseverate-repeat the same word over and over-doe anyone else have this problem. Good Luck to you-keep writing! Monica

[laurenceMoville]

Thanks Monica. My doctor is about to get TMS equipment and wants me to try that, so you never know. I had to look up the word 'perseverate' but I had an idea what you meant. I've never had that but I imagine it must be annoying, maybe exhausting at times. Good luck to you too Monica. May we both find a way through.

Laurence

[monica44]

Thx for your reply. Still suffering-going to continue with clonopin and try Paxil and will go back to TMS in a week-had five txs send had to stop-brcuz they say I have cancer in my lungs that has to do with with anxiety and mood swings. If anyone is familiar with neuroendocrine/carcinoid cancer- pls email me. This diagnosis has sent my anxiety off the charts- Help!