Tired, Stressed and Scared

[SAF423]

Hi I’m new to the group. Some background, I”be been struggling with depression, anxiety, and a host of others things for most of my life, even at a very young age. I have pretty much no one to talk to, no close family, I haven”t had any real companionship in nearly 20 years. I lost my job of 12 yrs back in the spring. Got another one thankfully but it pays half of what I used to make, so likely will lose my house next. I also have systemic lupus. I am exhausted all of the time and my body hurts all the time. I have severe social anxiety and am terrified to talk to people. Medicine doesn’t help. Can’t afford therapy. On top of all that I have been and believe I’m still being stalked and cyber stalked by a woman who believes I had something with her husband, a person I didn’t meet until after the fact, in passing, for about 5 minutes. She’s destroyed the little bit of trust I had left it in people. Any self esteem or self worth I had is gone. I’m tired and most days I don’t want to be here any more, but I have no choice. I know I one can fix me and I have to be the change I want to see, but I cannot pick myself up off the floor long enough to do that. I don’t know how to ask for help. Sometimes I think all I need is a hug, but there is no one. I’m not sure there’s ever been anyone. It’s been a really bad couple of days and I just needed to get the emotion out of me. I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this.

[Sillysausage234]

Welcome 🙏 hope tomorrow is a better day for you

[SAF423 in reply to Sillysausage234]

Thank you, me too. I appreciate your response.

[PJpurple]

Good for you for reaching out. That's a positive choice you've made for yourself!

[Hidden]

I feel empathy for you. I'm sad for you. It's sad that you feel so lonely. It's mostly sad that you feel scared. Are you under a doctor's care for your lupus? Where I live, I can email my doctor. Maybe you can email yours. They need to know all of this information to be able to help you.

But mostly I encourage you to keep going. You are worth it! We are glad that you are here.

[SAF423 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, I appreciate your thoughts. Yes I do see a Dr for my Lupus. I was diagnosed back in 2011 and been going to the same Dr ever since, but need to change. Anything beyond a basic follow up that I try to talk to him about, he just shrugs and says “eh” i don’t like the scared feeling as well. People terrify me, situations terrify me. I’m hypersensitive to sound and light. Seriously I only trust a few people but even with them I don’t always tell them what’s going on. I’m so afraid they’ll begin to look at me different that I tend to forget it’s my safe space until after the fact.

[Hidden]

Think through what you mean by "look at me different"? Are these people that could actually help you? Maybe they should look at you different. Let them see YOU. When you get a different doctor have your symptoms written down to share with them. They may have access to resources that you don't. These are the symptoms you've shared with us:

depression

anxiety

isolated

lonely

exhaustion

body aches

social anxiety

fear

hopelessness

emotional

crying?

sleeping too much or too little?

And share the fear and hurt from the woman that stalked you. I think that there are probably medicines that could really make a difference with the anxiety and depression even if they don't help with the lupus. Sometimes it takes time to find the medication that works for you. It is worth the search. I take antidepressants that have certainly saved my life. I still have some symptoms of depression, but I am so much better than when I am not taking anything.

You can do this, SAF. Go write your list and make a doctor's appointment.

[foreverbeach11]

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I am sorry you are having a tough time right now. Have you thought that maybe the lupus is making you more anxious and depressed? Maybe consider talking to your doctor to see if the medications you are currently taking have any side effects that makes the anxiety worse. I am sending hugs your way. I care about you and this forum is here to support you. Have you thought about trying to attend a support group for lupus? Sometimes the local doctors or hospitals have free support groups. Sometimes when we have other health challenges, it results in increasing our depression and anxiety. You are in my thoughts and I'm wishing you the best. Don't give up. There is hope for your future.