Escaping the Labyrinth of Suffering

[sarahmcf]

I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression since I was 11. When I tell a lot of people that they see that as a really young age, but in the environment I grew up in, we matured a lot quicker than other kids our age. I was severely cyber bullied at the age of 11 by the people who I thought were my best friends up until that point. They told me to transfer schools, called me a freak, told me that everyone hated me and just pretended to be my friend, and lastly, told me to just go kill myself. Many years have passed and now at the age of 26 I am genuinely okay with all of those girls. A couple of them I was even friends with again after that. They apologized each on their own in the coming years after that and felt remorse for the things that they had said. I don’t hold a grudge against them, but I don’t deny the pain they caused and what now seems to be life long issues I have developed since then. Not only because of that but also due to my home life and some troubling romantic relationships. Now at the age of 26 I still struggle with depression and anxiety. I’m a mother of three, most recently two months ago, and am currently going through some major turbulence with my marriage. I’m trying to power through like I always have but I feel the world is crumbling around me. One day I am great the next I am deciding which of my belongings go to which family member after I die. I have been looking into psychiatric hospitals close to me. It’s been awhile since I’ve been to therapy and I feel like my mental health is just on a non ending downward spiral. I don’t want to leave my husband and kids. I want to be here. But I have accepted that when you ignore your mental health, Suicide can bear it’s head at any time and take you down. I’m tired of feeling alone and isolated from everyone around me. I want to seek help and eventually be happy.

[NWGal]

Friend, we sometimes have difficulties in adult relationships due to the modeling of relationships and attachment problems in our childhood (e.g. parents not being available to nurture for one reason or another in our childhood). I think you have great insight into your depression and that's such a wonderful thing. Sounds like you're ready to engage in therapy again. Good karma coming your way!

[sarahmcf in reply to NWGal]

Thank you. I actually have a very strained relationship with my father. He was very mentally abusive towards me and was physically abusive towards my mom. Unfortunately she never left him. She is one of my favorite people so in order to see her I must keep a decent relationship with him. Growing up with that I know has very much impacted my view on love, relationships, and my overall psyche. I tend to be a very negative person and I really hope to change that. I want to be a source of light for other people.

[Cmarie12]

Hi Sarahmcf,

Could you possibly be suffering with postpartum depression? Your family doctor should be able to diagnose this and start you on medication. There are support groups for women that are feeling the same way you do. I found a support group that was a life saver. You also need individual therapy to find ways of coping.

Please call your doctor right away and make that appointment. I'm sending you positivity and a great big virtual hug. Keep posting your progress as you are not alone here.

Take care,

Marie

[sarahmcf in reply to Cmarie12]

Thank you Marie. I recently started back on my anti depressants after pregnancy. Is it possible to have depression/anxiety then also be hit with postpartum? 😂it’s not funny but at this point I have to find some humor in the negative things that happen in my life. Kind of morbid I guess.

[Cmarie12 in reply to sarahmcf]

Hi again,

Unfortunately yes you can have postpartum depression when you already have anxiety and depression. With my first child it lasted around 6 weeks but after my 2nd son, it didn't really hit me until he was around 4 months old. When I finally made an appointment I was in a 24 hour panic attack. This was when I finally started on a antidepressant. He's 28 now and my oldest turns 30 at the end of this month. Not only did I survive the postpartum but also the teenage years!

I have know idea where I'd be without my ability to laugh. Humour has been a life saver. I wish you all the best along your journey.

Hugs

[Ollyvie]

Hello sarahmcf , You are a survivor and you’ve still got what it takes it takes to deal with this too. Indeed, you have been through a lot very early in life and still strong fighting. Don’t give up the fight. You are such a strong woman even though sometimes you may not feel so. I know life can be overwhelming sometimes but take one day at a time. You will live to declare and see the goodness of the Lord. Like you said seeing a therapist at this stage will help control anxiety, so in case you need help finding a counselor near you or if you need to talk to someone about this you can call 855-382-5433 for counseling consultation. Am also here whenever you need to chat, sending hugs and prayers your way

[sarahmcf in reply to Ollyvie]

Thank you so much. I genuinely appreciate your positivity. 🖤

[Ollyvie in reply to sarahmcf]

You are welcome dear. Hope you had a good weekend