Hi, I don't know if I came upon the right place for help. But I've been suffering from depression as long as I can remember. I've never went to see a doctor about my mental state but I feel like all the signs that I've been feeling lead to depression. Lately I've been feeling more suicidal. I stay up late & sleep in. I hate everything about myself. I push people away when I start to build a new friendship with someone because of fear of getting hurt. I hate crowded places. I can't handle social gatherings. I always feel like I'm being judge. I woke up from a panic attack recently. It scared me. I never had one that bad before. I'm a very private person. & when I do tell someone a little bit about myself I stay up regretting it. Thinking if I said too much or I shouldn't have told them that. Right now at this moment I feel like I'm getting closer to ending my life. I never abuse myself with drugs or alcohol. I just want this pain to end but don't know how. How can I love myself when I'm trying to overcome depression?