I have severe social anxiety. It’s very hard for me to leave my house and feel comfortable. I am very depressed and have completely shut everyone out since I’ve started this latest bout of existential depression about 2 years ago. Now all I want to do is sit in my house, smoke weed and think about death every waking second. And thinking about my guilt every waking second. How I wish I had more of a bond with my family. How they can die at any moment and I’ve spent 29 of my years being a shitty family member to them. I’m sorry I’m just so depressed and have been feeling outside of my body. Like I can’t explain it but sometimes when I scroll on my phone I feel like my thumb isn’t even mine. Like there’s 1 person inside my head and another person that people see. I’m trying so hard to stay grounded and stay “inside of myself” but it happens every day. I truly don’t know who I am and I don’t know how to go about figuring it out. I buy all these self help books that i can’t sit down long enough to get past the first 2 pages. It seems like so much effort to read. I have a therapist who is tryin. To help me through this but I mean I’ve spent 29 years with myself and I couldn’t figure me out - I can’t imagine she would have figured me out in the past few months. Help.