A few years back I went to counselling for sevre depression and anxiety and it feels as if I will always fall back into it. Anxiety will stick with me throughout my life, it's like a disease, my counsellor said, she added that it can be worked with but it will never go away. Of course, this triggers this feeling of complete emptiness that I can't control. A part of me thinks that I can handle it, but I really can't. I can't talk about my own feelings to people I know... not through text or verbal communication. It's hard to admit everything. No matter what I do, anxiety trips me. In class my mind is all over the place and it feels like my whole life is a panic attack, and really, this happens no matter where I am. On a side note, my mom and I fight so much... we have different morals and I feel as if I constantly let her down, as well with the rest of my family. I am so distant, and I cant forgive myself for so many mistakes. I'm in love with the guy of my dreams, but I love someone from years ago and I don't know why I cant let it go. I cant forget any memory of anything and it doesnt benefit me.
I feel that many things I do help, but I will always be stuck in this rut I got myself into at age thirteen. I meditate, write my feelings down, and cope, but I need new ways. Man, I am just sad.