Depression is something that always shadows me.

A few years back I went to counselling for sevre depression and anxiety and it feels as if I will always fall back into it. Anxiety will stick with me throughout my life, it's like a disease, my counsellor said, she added that it can be worked with but it will never go away. Of course, this triggers this feeling of complete emptiness that I can't control. A part of me thinks that I can handle it, but I really can't. I can't talk about my own feelings to people I know... not through text or verbal communication. It's hard to admit everything. No matter what I do, anxiety trips me. In class my mind is all over the place and it feels like my whole life is a panic attack, and really, this happens no matter where I am. On a side note, my mom and I fight so much... we have different morals and I feel as if I constantly let her down, as well with the rest of my family. I am so distant, and I cant forgive myself for so many mistakes. I'm in love with the guy of my dreams, but I love someone from years ago and I don't know why I cant let it go. I cant forget any memory of anything and it doesnt benefit me.

I feel that many things I do help, but I will always be stuck in this rut I got myself into at age thirteen. I meditate, write my feelings down, and cope, but I need new ways. Man, I am just sad.

5 Replies

  • Anxiety is definitely something that can be worked with and if you talk to you GP maybe they can prescribe you something for the anxiety. Depression is hard. Really hard. I've said it before and I'll say it again, motivation will fail you, when it comes to actually getting things done you need discipline. As hard or impossible as it may be, give yourself something to look forward to. When you have things to look forward to you're no longer just surviving everyday, you can start to look forward to the days ahead. You're an extremely strong and beautiful person. All you do is justified and your mistakes are forgivable. You can not only live through this but I believe you can live a really fulfilling life. Stay strong.

  • I'm shocked that your counsellor told you or made you feel that this will never go away! Of course normal anxiety is our bodies way of protecting us and to prepare us for the fight or flight response, but some of us become so over sensitized and tuned in to every single symptom that we interpret it as something else, we become overwhelmed and scared, but recovery IS POSSIBLE, people do manage to overcome their fears and symptoms, it doesn't have to be a permanent part of our lives, you should think about seeking some more support from your doctors or a different therapist, you can also access self help via youtube from anxiety doctors videos and recovered sufferers, there are so many tool's available to assist with your recovery, relaxation videos, lecturers speaking about this subject, information videos etc, once you get a full understanding of your condition it gets easier to find recovery :-) xx

  • Thanks so much, I definitely will. Your advice really does help.

  • I am sorry for your struggles and I understand them totally. As hard as it might be, never, ever give up hope. My current therapist is a wonderful, happy, upbeat person who encourages me and helps me to try to think and react differently. She explained to me that my life's tragedies have taught me react with anxiety and panic, and that she simply needs to teach me to think and feel differently. Is it hard? Yes!!! Have I mastered it yet? NO! But, I am trying. One thing I have learned through this long battle with anxiety is that I need to try not to demean myself, think negatively about who I am, or cut myself down for what I have done. So, I challenge you to try to find positives about yourself to focus on, even if they are small at first. Write them down on a card and carry them with you. When you are going to berate yourself for something you did or said, just stop for a moment, take a step back, realize that you (and all of us) are only human, and read your cards. Find something happy and loving that you can focus on...and stay positive! :-)

  • That meant a lot and it sounds like a great coping mechanism that I'll try asap:) Sorry for the late reply, I was terrified to see any comments, but I am glad I checked.

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