Mental Health and Sexual Activity

[jocie609]

So since this is a safe space, I have a struggle which does cause me to be a little bit emotional...leading to anxiety at times. So I have been in a seriously committed relationship for 2 1/2 years with a guy that I love a lot. He supports me with my mental health crises, he drives me almost everywhere I want to go, he supports my work as a ministry leader, he excepts the fact that I am a caregiver for my father and I have taken in a young lady since 2012 (that I am trying to push out of the nest), he cooks breakfast, lunch, and dinner for me or at least makes sure I eat, and he does nice things for me just because. The problem is that I secretly think that either he has a mental health issue like depression that is undiagnosed as a result of his adolescence traumas of his mother and father dying and not getting counseling for it. As a result, he kind of let grief, anger, and insecurity dominate his 20's and didnt really take good care of himself physically. Now at the end of his 30's he has been having some challenges lately with his reproductive health and his desire to engage in sexual activity. Now before we get all self-righteous lol about sex outside of marriage, I just want to have the conversation and do to the doctor's to get everything checked which he did. He also has Type 2 Diabetes which I think contributes to his mental state of undiagnosed depression and lack of sexual drive at times. My problem is that even though he has grown in the act of developing intimacy, I think that he psychosomatically creates reasons in his mind that manifest as physical symptoms (like I do when I have anxious moments) to not even attempt to engage fully in sexual activity. If it is true that he does this, should I just be supportive and help him work through this not really causing an issue or am I making a big deal out of nothing because I knew for a while now these issues and I still choose to love him? Thoughts...

[Hidden]

Wow, he sounds like a gem! You both sound like very sincere and genuine folk wanting to make the best for yourselves and others. You're truly so thoughtful to be letting someone stay with you. That is not an easy task, I give you so much credit for doing that given your circumstances.

As for your boyfriend, I can't imagine having to juggle all those terrible situations...he probably doesn't even realize that it's affecting him. You sound very loving, otherwise, you wouldn't have bothered posting this. And you're right, this is supposed to be a safe place, so no shame saying whatever it is that you need to say.

Definitely talk to him about it and see what he thinks! You know better than anyone what he is feeling, so I am sure he will appreciate whatever you have to say. If not, you sound very willing to make this work out. I don't think you need to make a big deal about it because if you show concern, it will be considered a big deal in the correct way (I hope that made sense). It's important in any relationship to be honest and loving. You got this!

[jocie609 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you soo much for this!!! I mean he probably works more on it than I do on driving while anxious so I have to stop complaining...Yes I do very much so desire to keep working on my ability to communicate better with him and to learn to be patient because i know I have a lot of stuff too that he puts up with because he loves me. It also is challenging for me and my young lady because we are so much alike and both he and my daddy sees how we sometimes argue soo much that it's best that we do not talk. This is one of my sources of anxiety as well because I feel like I am a bad person whenever someone asks me about her leaving and I know that she would be alright if she left yet I just like to be sure that she is safe.

[Hidden in reply to jocie609]

Absolutely! You're always posting positive and supportive comments to others here constantly (I notice and appreciate that). It's my utmost pleasure to assist you any way I can.

Nah, don't compare and beat yourself up too harshly for that. We all have things we need to work on, we're imperfect after all. Being open-minded, however, is where you shine most. You're willing to see yourself separately from your boyfriend in that there are things you lack that he can fill and vice versa. That's all part of being in a relationship though.

As for your lady friend, that is the one unfortunate thing about being under the same roof with someone; they are always there and you see so much of each other in ways that can eventually annoy you. But again, that is normal, so don't think you're some terrible human being for getting annoyed or upset. I had two different women live with me at two separate times (one was for a month, the other six months) and I remember having the same feelings. They both had different needs, but I was happy to help them and it sounds like you feel the same about this young lady.

So don't fret, you're not a horrible person. Just human with emotions

[jocie609 in reply to Hidden]

Again, thank you for noticing that I try to be supportive to others on here. I appreciate your insight and your contribution to my current life struggles!! You rock girlfriend!!!

[Hidden in reply to jocie609]

Of course! You're very welcome! We all need to hear it. Sometimes we hold back from saying something important and that person will never know, so I didn't want to miss the chance. I could tell a while ago that you were a good person, but your post set it in stone.

Thank you very much! You too! We're all in this together!

[jocie609]

HUH????