This is going to be a long post, so apologies.
First of all, I am so glad to have found this community. Your stories, experiences, outlook, perspectives, etc. are immeasurably valuable as we all try to navigate this condition and keep pressing on- together. This isn’t easy. This is real. This is no fun.
I have ER positive, HER2 negative with mets to bones, small spot on my lung, one small tumor remaining in my liver (after the others were treated with A/C chemo this past January 2019).
I saw my oncologist yesterday to review my most recent scan. There were tears. I have been on Ibrance and Fulvestrant since March 2019. It took some time for my body to adjust to the ibrance and deal with the side effects. I finally started to feel ‘normal’- even if my blood counts never returned to normal. In fact, it became such that I would dread the week off because I felt bad during that time. I thought that this would be the regimen for a while. I had become used to it. It worked for months.
My scans since chemo have been stable, but this last scan showed something that concerned my oncologist and she wants to start me on XELODA. I have a small amount of fluid in my lung and a small amount of fluid in my stomach area (?). The tumors are about the same, but possibly a bit bigger- hard to tell with all of the scarring on my liver. Also, my liver tests/enzymes have been elevated for my last three blood draws.
This is where the tears came in. It feels like things never stay ‘good enough’ for long and I feel like the rug is being pulled from underneath me each time this happens and there is a change to my treatment plan. I must admit that every new drug scares me. My head was spinning in the office, at one point, I felt like I couldn’t hear and I struggled to put together coherent sentences. I had a list of questions/concerns that I wanted to address during this visit, but I couldn’t even ‘see straight’ to discuss them in light of this news. I like my oncologist. I trust her. But, I was so flustered that I just wanted the talking to stop. I didn’t want to hear her anymore. I couldn’t even look her in the face anymore. I wanted to run away.
I feel like a medical experiment. This is all so exhausting. Everything is unknown. It’s always wait and see. It drives me crazy. By the evening, I was in a better frame of mind, but I am still exhausted.
Now I have to get ready to start a new medication, possibly deal with new side effects, etc., etc.
I have been (obviously) thinking about this a lot. I have also been reflecting on some of your posts.
I had genomic testing done and got the results at this visit. I do not have the mutation that Piqray targets. I am not a candidate for immunotherapy. My tumor is very estrogen sensitive.
Due to my cancer profile, treatment with: Ado-trastuzumab emtansine, lapatinib, neratnib, pertuzumab, trastuzumab would not be beneficial for me. (excuse the spelling, I don’t even know what these are, but they were on the report)
An aromatase Inhibitor (by itself) would not be beneficial. I have been on two different AIs; Tamoxifen & Letrozole. I was on each of these for a little over a year, then started to have issues and progression. SO, I am frustrated that the years spent on those therapies was a waste of time (and possibly detrimental- due to progression) because of the information that we now know from this testing.
The report showed that combination ibrance therapy with Fulvestrant (which I have been on for 10 months) is of benefit, but nonetheless, now I have to change from that.
XELODA is supposedly of the most benefit for my tumor type- of the therapies referenced in the report.
While I was on LETROZOLE, I kept complaining to my then oncologist that I was having stomach, digestive issues. For months! She kept dismissing me at first, saying that stomach issues were not one of the ‘usual side effects’ from LETROZOLE. I kept bringing it up at each visit- she kept dismissing me. My point to her was that it could still be caused my the LETROZOLE even if it wasn’t one of the ‘usual/common’ side effects. She attributed it to my then new liver mets. Eventually, after discussing this issue (and others) with my primary physician- she sent me for an endoscopy and colonoscopy. Turns out that I had pretty significant gastritis- all the way up to my esophagus. The gastroenterologist was surprised that I did not have significant heartburn- I had NO heartburn symptoms, no acid reflux. Just the unsettled stomach and digestion issues that I had mentioned to my then oncologist. This brings me to a post on this site about the discovery that there is LATEX in LETROZOLE as a filler. What!!! And WHY??? So, the LATEX could very well have caused the gastritis that was discovered and that I am trying to heal. Yet another reason why undergoing all of these treatments concerns me- there is no way to know what the he!! Is in these medications that could be causing another whole host of issues. Our bodies are exposed to so much and are being put through so much. If my then oncologist had listened to me and taken me seriously, maybe she would have investigated and I wouldn’t have had to suffer for months.
So, here I am. Trying to get my head right to prepare to start this new medication in a few weeks once my counts have (hopefully) recovered. I am concerned about the unknown. My oncologist feels very confident about this change. It is nice that she thinks/ feels this way- but they are not the ones who have to go through this and experience all of the twists and turns, upheavals, etc.
I just needed to vent. I hope, pray, wish for the best for us all.
Meditating and trying to process all of this.
Please share your thoughts. Please share your experience with XELODA.
Thank you, ladies.
NamasteLove