Cigarettes and change: Musings of a neurotic 30-something

Hi all, just checking in as I've been busy moving - to a new town and in with my fella (who smokes). Been a bit stressed and anxious because I feel like a fish out of water. I'm currently still at my old job and commuting 55 miles to work, which is pretty exhausting, but I have a job interview this afternoon for somewhere much closer. It's in a nursery. I haven't worked with children for about 3 years now, although it's what I'm qualified in, so I'm a bit nervous and hoping my knowledge isn't too out of date.

I suppose the reason I'm on today is that I'm dealing with an awful lot of change and instability at the moment - and it will all be fine! - but cigarettes have been my crutch for so long.... and I've had a couple of really bad cravings over the last few days, to the point where I've seriously considered smoking. I tried to breathe through the craving and it did pass, so I'm very happy that I managed to weather it, but this is the closest I've been to breaking and I don't feel safe at all.

Just feel a bit tested at the moment: New home, new routine, job hunting, my stuff is all over so I spend ages looking for it, I get lost EVERY day, worried about money, blah blah blah. I know I'm moaning. Everyone around me is telling me to relax and let it be, that things will come right, and I know this is how I should feel - there's an awful lot of positive and exciting stuff happening here - but this is my 6th move in three years and I think my shock absorbers need replacing.

Sorry for the long rambly post. I'm not even sure what I'm aiming at really. I know what I can do to help myself and I am taking steps to gain a bit more stability in life, it's just going to take time. I suppose I'm just a bit.... weary with my quit, it's sheer bloody-mindedness that is pushing me on at the moment (one week away from 5 months now). I'm sure I'm not the only person who's ever felt like this though, so that is why I'm subjecting you to this essay (you're welcome! Haha! :D). I know there's a way through and it is probably just to keep going, but it helps to know you're not alone, even if you are lost.

Hope the day is working out wherever you are :)

11 Replies

  • Don't apologise for rambling, that's a great post and what this place is all about.

    You're getting yourself through bad cravings so you know that they go away in time...that has to be good!

    Also, the good thing about the new life, and hopefully new job, is that you have lost a lot of your old trigger points.

    It's stressful at the minute but it should settle down, especially if you get the job (good luck!)

    Play your guitar and sing annoyingly loudly...always helps to de-stress me 😀

  • Thanks Nozmo, I only have one setting and it is 11. My new neighbours are gonna love me! Hehe :)

  • Ruthess...Yes this quit thing is amazingly tough...You acknowledged that there is a way through this....If there was away around I am sure millions would have taken that route but the only way is through... You have gone this far with all the things going on..... I can assure you that one morning you will wake up and feel, smell, taste, the new life ...The only thing I can not say is when... For me it happened somewhere after six months...!!

    (PS Loved your essay (lol)... I could have written it nine months ago...)

  • Wise words, thank you Hercu, I know you and Nozmo are right. I am feeling slightly more Zen now. The way is through :)

  • Hello. If you think about it, you are actually doing amazingly well. All the upheaval, all the stress and a bit of everything else all piled on top....and still you are not smoking! That, really is damn good!

    Just hang in there. Things will fall into place and giving in and smoking won't make it happen any faster. You are doing so well. Keep plodding on. Don't under-estimate just how far you have come or how well you are doing.

  • Thanks Mushen, that's really kind of you to say. And you're right, things won't work out any quicker for smoking! Simple truths eh?! :) I am already feeling stronger and calmer actually, even since yesterday. Cheers for the boost.

  • Hey Ruthess, I hear ya girl and going through something similar as you with new beginnings (will be leaving my job after 20 years on 19 August). I am starting college on 05 September to do a course in Professional Cookery which I have a passion for.

    I am currently into my second week of holidays and spent alot of time thinking about the future and if I am making the right decision by going to college instead of looking for a job but know that smoking will just add to my worrying and uncertainty and have not had cravings at all due to this huge change I am approaching.

    I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason and will work out. Wishing you strength to keep going in your quit and that you will get the job and settle in grand in your new town. And the famous quote 'what is for you, won't pass you'

    PS stay close to the forum and if it does get too much, do up an SOS post***please-read***

  • Hey Roisin, thanks so much, what a lovely response. I know, it's not long til college now is it!! Eek! :) Hope you're having a fab time in Vienna by the way! I think that you'll find your new direction the most liberating thing in the world, I'm actually a bit jealous, haha :)

    I quit my full time job in 2007 to go and do a post-grad course at university, full-time for a year. I sold my car and got a part-time bar job and everything. It was a total change, a real learning curve and I ended up in a totally different job - from admin assistant to nursery manager - and I loved it. I think you'll bloom.

    Regards my interview, well I felt like I rambled on (Not like me, eh?!) but it seemed to go well, they said they wanted me to come back for a working interview next week. It's basically an hour or so working in the nursery with the children so they can observe my practice. Fingers crossed, as this would be a full-time permanent job with a company that has Investors In People awards and seems like the sort of place I could bloom. Exciting times! :)

  • Only seeing this now Ruthess28 when I checked to see when you last gave an update, really hope you got the job!

    6 MONTHS QUIT TODAY, Come on girl, get your update up. Really delighted for you!!

  • Hey Roisin 😊 Nice to hear from you, thanks for checking in. Has college started yet?? 😀 I actually have done 6 months haven't I!? So much going on I hadn't even noticed the time flying (after my stress-blip a few weeks ago). I got the job! 😀 So now I'm working with little ones, spending a lot of my day on the floor and feeling quite shattered with it at the moment, but that will pass. It's going well and I much prefer being a non-smoker in this job, so its another thing to stop me from going back. Not to say I don't have the odd craving but generally speaking I feel a lot better. If fatter, hahaha. Not worrying about that. Anyway, hope all is well with you.

  • Ah Ruthess, huge congrats on getting the job! Delighted! Yes, it's 6 months for ya! I will be 1 year on 17 September which too has come around so quick.

    I am grand thanks, started my course yesterday, very intense and full on but exciting, really just an induction this week, will be full swing next week and expect will be wrecked for a while too!

    I hope your sis and the new romance (?) is good....

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