Ten weeks now since quitting smoking and though I'm not yet at the point where I want to do handstands about it , I am quietly pleased . But it irks me that the so called friendship with my next door neighbour - and old smoking buddy - has irrevocably changed and is now somewhat strained . And seems it's all because I no longer light up .
Returned home yesterday from six weeks abroad and met up with my friend and her adult son for a coffee on their back deck . All seemed well till my friend , Sadie , tried to light up and went into a paroxysm of coughing . She had to walk away from our table and lean over the rails of the deck till she could breathe again . Son happily puffed away all the while . Very soon after Sadie suddenly disappeared inside the house where she began busying herself with certain chores . I took this as my cue to leave and thought on my way home , "Well . So much for that . The energy between us was so much better when I smoked . How sad . Am I doing something all wrong ? Probably not . I just have to let go and move on but I do feel a real sense of loss ."
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Lilacinbloom
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Lilacinbloom...You are the superstar in this story..you are the one in the right...Just keep going on this path and you will not be the one coughing your lungs out....!!
Isn't that what quitting is all about...start a new life and if our old friends dont like it as much as we do..so what !!
No, you are not doing anything wrong at all. I don't think this situation is uncommon. Sometimes massive changes we make in our lives can impact friendships negatively and there is nothing we can do about it. Perhaps she was a bit embarrassed about the coughing and of course, neither of you would ever mention the reason for it. What you end up with is an 'elephant in the room' scenario which can be quite awkward. 😞
Whatever happens with your friendship, do not let this take anything away from how well you are doing. It is a great shame, yes, but it would be an even greater shame if you were to let this have a negative effect on your quit.
Keep going. Be super proud of yourself because you are doing a brilliant job.
Welcome Lilacinbloom i and congratulations on over 50 days quit! That is a great achievement - be very proud of this, as it is probably the most difficult thing you will do in your life!
Yes, I think we all experience that feeling of missing out when we quit, biggest thing I found was at work and my colleagues heading out and missing out on the gossip and scandal but it was greatly outweighed on how they stank, got drenched, would be coughing and spultering after coming back in, sick days off with chest infections, I used to get a sense of pride I was no longer like that - it will get easier to enjoy being an ex smoker, I promise (2 years quit cold turkey in September)
Just be pleased your not the one coughing anymore. It may just take a while for your friend to accept the new non smoking you. I have a friend who felt uncomfortable when she lit up when I first quit, but she's fine now.
Hi Lilacinbloom - congratulations on over 50 days quit, yeah, that feeling of friendships being strained when we quit is quite normal feeling but I bet if you could read your friends mind that was coughing they would be deep down wishing they were quit with you and no doubt just feel embarrassed and ashamed, it will get better as you get on in your quit and may even lead to them quitting too
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day 16 without cigarettes & alcohol
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