My battle with mental health.

[Getting-By]

I would like this opportunity to say hello to you all and that you have found a really great forum were you will meet people who can relate to what you are going through. Depression & Anxiety are horrible to deal with and I would like to post my story as it may help others in some way.

I have suffered with depression & anxiety for as long as I can remember but did not address my issues until I was 33. Looking at things now I wish I had spoken out a lot sooner rather than trying my best to ignore the issues I was having with mental health which was making me feel a lot worse.

When I was growing up I always felt different to my peers but did not no what was going on and why I was feeling so depressed & anxious all the time. I struggled all through school and at a later date discovered this was down to me having dyslexia. When I was at school nothing was known about dyslexia so I was just labeled as thick and got bullied because of this. My teacher used to get me to sit at the back of the classroom at a desk which looked out of a window to the playground and made me to do jig saws whilst all the others were learning how to read etc etc. This resulted in me having no confidence or self esteem which I have never got back.

I hated school with a passion and was often in tears before and after school. At that point I was dealing with massive amounts of anxiety and became very withdrawn and I struggled to interact socially and found it hard to relate to people, A lot of people said I was shy when really I was just struggling mentally. This cycle continued throughout my school years.

My parents did understand that something was not quite right and got me a private teacher which came to my house after school and helped me loads I really appreciated my parents doing this for me. When I left school I got myself onto a college access course in sports & recreation which was great as I love sport and some would say I am a gifted sportsman as I can do most sports at a high standard.

I was still struggling with massive amounts of anxiety which was making me depressed. Looking back this is when I started to avoid things like social gatherings etc etc because I new my anxiety would be bad so rather that put myself through that I would just not put myself in situations were I would be anxious. Little did I know that all I was doing was creating a very complexed coping strategy which is still playing a big part in my life today. I started to develop compulsive behaviors and became very cautious of others and could not handle any sort of criticism as it made me feel depressed.

I passed my access course which felt great at the time and managed to get my self a place at college doing a diploma course. This was a 2 year course but I ended up doing it in 3 years due to my dyslexia I worked really hard and did start to get some of my confidence back and started to feel good about life again. When I completed my diploma I felt on top of the world as that was the first real achievement in my life. I was 21 when I left college and went onto find a job in the city were I lived at that time. My anxiety was less at this period but little did I know that the anxiety & depression was going to raise its ugly head again with vengeance.

I quickly became aware that my anxiety was getting worse again and I was getting depressed because of this I was still struggling socially and finding it hard to relate to people. This continued until I was 26 when I found myself in a real mess, The anxiety and depression was a lot worse and I was well and truly in a black hole. I new I had to do something and with help from my parents decided I needed a life change.

I retrained and got myself into a new career which I loved and was good at. Things were slowly looking better again I was in a good job and started to build my confidence again and although I still struggled socially my anxiety & depression seemed more manageable during this period but I was still stuck in the cycles of avoidance but had just learnt to live with this and got good at hiding it.

I developed an illness a few years later and became very depressed very quickly. I went to see the doctor one day and they asked me the question how do you feel mentally?. No one had ever asked me that before and I told the truth that I was feeling depressed and anxious. My doctor was very understanding and concluded that I was depressed and prescribed me Prozac she also referred me to my local mental health team were I was diagnosed with Depression and Generalised Anxiety Disorder.

The guys at the mental health team were really nice and understanding and I was given the opportunity to do some talk therapy CAT which I found very useful and started to learn coping techniques for my anxiety things were on the up again. I also did some group therapy which was good as it was good to speak with others who could relate. I also did CBT and as a result was able to deal with the anxiety a lot better and was confronting it head on.

Over this period I was prescribed various medication and currently take Escitalopram, Pregabalin and Quetiapine which have helped with my symptoms but I do get side effects but they are manageable. You here a lot of things about medication good and bad for me I was at a stage were the depression and anxiety had taken over and were ruling my life. Medication got me out of a dark hole and allowed me to function so that I could work on getting better.

I am currently unemployed which has affected my mood and anxiety and I am currently doing a mindfulness course which I have found very useful and would recommend. There is still a lot of stigma about mental health out there so I do think it is important to talk and know it is ok to ask for help. 1 in 4 people will experience some kind of mental health issue in their lifetime and as Ruby Wax stated recently on the TV "mental health is the last taboo."

I think in a way my anxiety and depression has made me a stronger person. I will be faced with these battles in my life but having looked back on my story I can see that I have got better and I know I can do it again. It is important to take one small step at a time and give yourself goals and tick them off as you achieve them.

If you have read my blog thanks, I hope it shows that just because we have depression & anxiety to deal with it does not mean we can not beat them and get it to a level were it does not intrude on our life as much and lead a normal life. I have accepted that I will have depression & anxiety all my life and I will have set backs but we have to stay focused and work at getting better which is hard I know but we can all do it.

[Action-On-Depression]

Thanks for sharing that, I really enjoyed reading it and I'm glad you've come to an understanding with your depression & anxiety.

Catherine

[Cazie50]

That's a really inspiring story, thanks for sharing

[holsols]

Thank for for sharing your story.

[Hidden]

wow' you have been through it, i thank you for sharing your story, it gives me hope as i'm sure it will for other people on here.

i too am suffering from depression, this is the fourth time in two years, i hope i have got it in time, i know the symptoms now so i went to my doctor as soon as i noticed my changes, she has put me on citalopram 20 mg tablets, i've been on them just over two weeks so i know i have to wait for them to start working, the leaflet says about two weeks but i think it will be a bit longer. i have to go back to my doctor in a weeks time, to let her see how i'm getting on, i'm just wondering if i might have to be on medication for the rest of my life as four times in two years is a bit too much i think to be suffering this awful black feeling, thankfully i have not felt suicidle, but at my lowest i have felt like i just want to die ( tho i know i would never take my life as life is too precious).... i hope that we all can be strong an get the better of this depression...thank you for reading this...

[celticfc in reply to Hidden]

i there im on citalopram 40 mg i started on 20 mg and they have been great for me

[Getting-By]

Hi Goldielocks

I am glad my story has helped in some way it is good to not feel alone. I used to take citalopram and found it to be a good medication for me but they usually take anywhere between 6-8 weeks before you see the full benefits.

I hope you stay with us and keep posting here we are here to help

[Hidden]

Hello' again, Getting-by

thank you for your reply, as you will note i am new on here, it does help to read other peoples posts, as you can identify with other people and as you say offer help.

It's nice to know we are not alone...i have taken note of the time you have said that my tablets will hopefully kick -in..i have good days and bad so i'm up one day and down the next.

take care,

Goldielocks.

[Hidden]

Hi, I've only just come across your blog when I've just finished writing my own and can see there are similarities in our experiences. You're right, in that over time depression and anxiety do not have to interefere with daily life as much as they might. I used to take Prozac intermittently and it was brilliant at certain periods, now I find that I'm no longer depressed in quite the same way but am more deeply sad, and perhaps bitter. I don't much like saying that, it sounds pretty horrible, but I do feel cheated of so much of my life and the potential of what it might have been, even though I have two gorgeous children and a kind husband and sufficient money. I admire the way you have been able to find the things that help you. Yes, unemployment is a major factor for me too, no distractions from one's own problems... Maybe you might think of voluntary work, or maybe you have. It depends what you feel capable of. I find that varies so much that one day I can be thinking of renewing my professional registration and a couple of days later feeling right back in the black hole. Ugh...(rage, rage)