Hello there I'm Phil and if it's ok I'd like to tell you my story. I'm a 35 year old man who works alot of hours to support my family I adore the most.
Going back to Febuary 2018 was the time I was to take my children on there 1st holiday abroad and also the very beginning of my mental health story.
I've also been a quiet person throughout my life but holidays always excited me. But the night before I was due to fly out to Lanzarote (the place I went the year before on my honeymoon) was the start of a very bumpy mental health story.
This holiday was a complete wreck. I hid in my room like a little boy, the butterflys in my stomach were doing summersaults, i couldn't keep off the toilet.... to break it down my nerves were a complete wreck and this was the 1st time it had happened.
As soon as we got home I was completely back to normal and just put this holiday down to a major blip in my life...
How wrong was I.. almost 4 months later we had a holiday to Spain which again started up this very same feeling until 1 week later we got home and things were back to normal.
I did however realise that I needed a bit of support and to find some answers into what was going on and went to speak to my local GP. He advised me to self refer to my local CBT therapist and also tried me on 50mg of sertraline. Later that year it was my best friends stag weekend that I'd organised for him and was really looking forward to. ..
But yet again my nerves to over and I was back to the name nervous person I was the previous holidays and trips I have had.
Over the next few years normal everyday life was fine but routine changes in my life kept hitting me. From when I started on the sertraline I was gradually moved up higher doses until I was at the complete max dosage but still I just couldn't get much fun from going on holidays or even little day trips away.
Fast forwarding now to October 2023 myself and my GP decided we would have a change in the Antidepressant I was taking and moved me onto the lowest dose of Citalopram. Things were fine for a few months until bang, my life was turned upside down.
December 2023 my work closes for 2 weeks and I was looking forward to the time off with my family. But unfortunately on day 5 of being off work on the 28th of December my nerves really went out of control. I lost all interest in life, the though of anything made me wretch. All I wanted to do was cry. I didn't want to do anything at all and all I could think of was getting back to usual routine of work still 1 week later. The days went really slow and I was at my lowest point to the point I took my self to A&E as I just felt so out of control. I felt useless towards my children and wife and I didn't no which way to turn. My local hospital were brilliant and they're mental health team really calmed me down. I just couldn't understand how I'd gone like this.
After the bank holidays on the 2nd of January 2024 I went back to my GP who decided to up my dose to the maximum. Things did eventually calm down but I new in myself I didn't feel right. I decided I wanted to give the Citalopram a chance to work untill late June this year (2024) I had a chat with my new GP. I told her I'd had enough and I wanted my life back. I wanted to enjoy life instead of being scared of it. She was brilliant. She explained that the meds I had been on wasn't the only option.
She explained that the Sertraline and the Citalopram were a family of SSRI's and she thought it was about time I met the new family which was the SNRI's and that's how I found Mirtazapine.
Let me just start by saying Mirtazapine gave me a new lease of life. I was started on the low dose of 15mg while cross tapering off of the Citalopram. After day 4 things were looking up. I felt the best I had felt for at least 7 years. I started booking holidays. Making plans with my family. Things were great.
The only downside to these little gems is the most common side effect. Sedation. I was sleeping very very well at night but getting up in a morning was a nightmare. I carried on but things were still the same.
Last week I found out that a close friend was on Mirtazapine and they changed his life forever. However he did tell me that he moved onto a higher dose to 30mg as they're apparently a lot less sedative. Last Monday the 22nd of July 24 I had a review on my meds and we discussed about moving up to the 30 like my friend. I told her how good I felt in myself but how tired I felt in a morning missing alarms for work etc.
She told me that he was correct and said she was happy to move me up to the 30mg which I.started that very same night.
Here's where I need people's views.
1 week later I have been on the 30 mg. I have a very mild but constant headache and I feel oh so tired all day. I seem to be getting up fine in the morning but very tired and lethargic in the day time. I want to no if this is just a sideeffect that will be constant or will go away over time.
Many thanks for reading and I hope I havnt bored anyone to death.
Phil
My mental health
Complete mental breakdown
My mental state
I wish I could handle my emotions so I don't hurt others, they don't understand how I feel inside.
