I feel very bad.
I have been doing well lately, I was in a good mood. But something happened today. Someone may think this is stupid and crazy, but I think so too.
So, the fact is that I do my own manicure (nail extension). My nails are very short and of different shapes (to make my hands look normal, I have to extend my nails). The salon is not quite affordable for me, it is much more economical to do it myself. But I HATE TO DO THIS SO MUCH.
Today I came after work, tired and I had to sit down to do my manicure. And I had some kind of emotional breakdown (because I have terrible nails, most girls can just cut them and sometimes paint, but I have to constantly build them up). I started crying, all my hands were in tears and my mascara, and I was cutting off my nails. Then I accidentally pulled a nail (I wanted to get rid of these gel nails urgently), and I saw that the finger was covered in blood, but I did not feel physical pain, only mental pain.
My mom told me to leave this business, go to the shower and sleep (and so that I would stop crying, otherwise “it looks like a mental hospital”).
I went to the shower and tried to recover there for about an hour while sitting in the bathroom. It was very bad emotionally. And I felt scared from myself. After all, it all started with such a seemingly trifle.
I was offended that I had no one to tell about what I felt, no one would understand. and I was just as offended that my mother did not come to support me, she just went to bed.
and by the way, this was the first time in a long time that I wanted to hurt myself. but I never will. I hope so.
sorry if you are tired of reading my "nonsense", it just brings relief to me when I write down my whole problem.