Hi. I keep having these strange thoughts of why am I here? What's the point in me being here? Tonight it is very strong. I went a long drive after an argument with my boyfriend, come back and it's still here. I'm sleeping on the couch to be away from him tonight as he isn't interested and calls me a drama queen. I have been deteriorating for a good few months now. I feel like I've lost everything, I had a good jobs, loads of friends, my mum, thought I was going somewhere and making something of my life. I have lost it all.
Rarely see friends as everyone is getting busier, don't want to hassle them with how I'm feeling, my mum recently lost her partner and I don't want to burden her even more. My partner is very cold and doesn't understand me saying I'm really upset. I have a job that doesn't pay the bills just now.
The only thing stopping me doing anything to myself is my mum saying a few weeks ago she can't do this without me (getting over the sudden death of her partner)
I put on a brave face for everyone but no one sees me crying so much on my own in the shower or at night when I go to bed early before my boyfriend. No one feels the pain I get in my chest and how fast my heart beats. Everyone thinks I'm fine as I was always so happy and upbeat but no one takes me seriously when I'm trying to open up about how low I really am. I scared of myself as I really don't understand why I'm still here. I feel like I'm living in my own shadow. It's a strange feeling. I never thought I would ever experience anything like this and I don't know what to do. I secretly went to my gp for help but it was overlooked. I hate being a burden and annoying people plus no one is believing me and laughing it off. I don't know what to do or why I'm having these thoughts. Anyone else feel like this and how did you get through it