Not the best day, depression feels numbling and slow to push myself today. My body is fighting to shower so I can to go to the laundromat and get coffee. So many thoughts swirling. I feel bad my daughter don’t have a friend to hangout with every weekend, and at school sometimes the children don’t treat her well. I try to tell her thats how they act sometimes and I went through it and still do even as an adult. She’s absent and late alot from school, and I have to stay on her about her hygiene. She has adhd but its not her as a person. She is a sweet girl and it only affects her learning, organising things, and wanting to get things over with quickly. But she has a Mom who is dealing with mental issues myself so alot of mornings are hard. And a Dad who is here but not here, if thats understood.
Also earlier this week I was excited about starting a job, however when I went for the orientation I was not feeling it plus the pay was low and in long term I felt it would not benefit me so why force myself. So I declined. I was feeling great with my decision. Even got another offer for a job i may like on the same day. But unorganized me didnt get my carfare in time so I missed orientation for that, now there all out of spots and I have to wait for the next orientation. Meanwhile I continue to feel out applications. I’m feeling very discouraged right now though. Not a lack of self confidence but discouraged that I will never find a job I can stay long term and improve my current situation. My apologies for this long post but I had to get it out my brain.