Emotional Isolation *Possible Trigger

I recently stopped a long-term mentorship/friendship I had. This relationship had its ups and downs and there was a point I felt like all I was doing was complying and not understanding the instructions given. I felt like the emotions from my mentor that came with my negative actions were too much and I felt a deep resentment inside. In personal relationships it's normal to feel hurt and I had my negative actions towards them as well. But as my parents were hard on me, though my friend loved me, all I could feel was the threatening condemnation my parents gave me(my psychological trigger) for some reason I can handle work relationships really well, but personal friendships have gone down the drain for me. I use, I'm irresponsible, I'm careless, I don't give, I don't feel love, it's a mess. Now I just desire to be alone, is that normal? I feel very much alone with no family( abusive situation, but God set me free with help from my mentor) or friends, but I don't find myself wanting anything touchy or others emotions in my deepest insecurities.( just calmness and someone who understands, no nagging/ fixinf. I just want to focus on my journey in my mental health.

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  • It sounds like you've given lots of thought to your decision to end the relationship. I agree that focusing on your journey to recovery should be your main priority. Take care x

  • I identified with your felings greatly. I have been feling the same way: however, I also feel like my mind goes from one thing to the next without having a place to land. I know God is with me always, but at the present time I feel others just do not see the real me.

  • You are very negative about yourself in the post. Any relationship is about give and take and the fact that you talk of complying with mentor seems wrong. No mentor/friend should demand compliance.

    It sounds as if your family have totally destroyed your self worth etc and you don't have an idea what a normal relationship is. This isn't your fault but due to lack of nurturing from family. Please get some help from a counselor to go through this. I think your criticisms of yourself are not a true picture of your personality.

  • I appreciate your honesty. Yes now that I look at this post again it does seem strange

  • I don't think it is strange at all to try and put one's thoughts and feelings together to make sense.

  • The end of any long term relationship whether it is a friendship/mentor-ship or with family or lover it will always come with a mix of feelings.

    In my mind a mentor is there to guide you by making suggestions, ensuring you understand the situation and the choices you have. To me they are supposed to advise, but not give you instructions that you are expected on comply with.

    So I think you were right to decide to concentrate on your mental health and also end the relationship if you were just being given instructions, but not the chance to understand or query them. Sometimes in long term relationships you can get comfortable with just letting someone else do the leading and making the decisions.

    To me the fact that you have decided you want to make the decisions and concentrate on your health is a good sign.

    I would also suggest that you don't totally shut yourself away from others, find a hobby or evening class or exercise class that will help you with your goals for your health and still be around people. You don't have to dive in and make firm friendships, just have acquaintances until you are at the stage where you want to make closer friendships.

    Also, you can talk to us when you need to.

    Take care and good luck with your plans for getting well. Let us know how you are getting on.

    X

  • Hi I don't know if you live with your parents or not but if so as you are working it sounds to me like you need to leave home.

    If you don't live at home then you don't need to tell your parents anything or listen to what they have to say. DDM218 is right in what she says. x

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