Worried about mum

[PeachyBlossom]

Second post in here today but I haven’t been doing counselling since the corona virus has started and I need to talk to someone....

I’m really worried about my mum she’s anaemic (low iron) and she’s got something wrong with her sinuses

At her old doctor that she saw last year when we were living back in the country they said that she had to get iron infusions every 6 months since she was that low on iron she needed to get it quite regularly. She got one done that day and the doctors ended up leaving the room for a bit and she ended up fainting and falling off the bed and hit her head slightly. Since that’s happened she doesn’t want to get an iron infusion done ever again. It’s making me quite worried since she was fine at first but it’s been almost a year since she’s got her last one done again and her symptoms are starting to come back. Like when we go out for the day she comes back feeling like she’s tired and has the flu and she gets quite dizzy regularly. I’ve told her to get one done multiple times but she refuses she said she’ll just take iron supplements for the rest of her life. Those won’t work that’s why she had to get an iron infusion in the first place because her body has trouble absorbing iron. We’ve had multiple arguments about it and she makes me feel like a horrible person about it even though I’m just scared and worried that it’ll get worse and something will happen to her if she doesn’t get iron infusions. It doesn’t help as well that she forgets to take her iron supplements most days.

Also for the past 6 weeks or so she’s had really bad sinus problems. Her nose has been completely blocked up there’s green stuff coming out of her nose her right eye is all red and inflamed and I told her to go to the doctor about that as well but again she’s refused. She’s just looking up symptoms online of what it “could” be and looking up home remedies instead of letting the doctors take care of it.

Another thing that I’m worried about as well is that she constantly forgets to take her antidepressants. Like she could go days forgetting that she’s taken them and I don’t realise until she says “oh I haven’t taken my medication for the past 3 days” I’m worried that’s going to cause some problems since you aren’t meant to go completely off them without your doctors permission. Plus when she forgets to take them she becomes a really nasty person to both me and other people. Like last week she was in the supermarket and she dropped a tub of yogurt by accident in the isle and she refused to go tell someone so they could clean it up. She said that because it went under the shelf no one would step on it so she would just let someone find it themselves and clean it up which I think is really nasty behaviour. When I mentioned that too her she snapped at me and said that what her brother does is a lot worse (he steals shoes from the shop Big W each time he needs a new pair) so what she did isn’t that bad. And I mean it’s not the worst thing she could’ve done but it’s still not very nice.

Anyways I’m getting off track here what do you think I should do about trying to get her to go to the doctors. She’s really the only family I’ve got. I haven’t seen my dad since I was born, my grandparents are toxic people, my aunts and uncles done give a shit about me so I feel like I’ve got no one else to look after me if something happens to my mum. My mum is my only friend in this world atm it would kill me if anything happened to her. If something happens to her I’d honestly want to kill myself. We’ve talked about this and it sounds like she doesn’t care if she dies she just says if anything happens to her I can stay with her friend Sita. Sita is a lovely person but she’s had a stroke a few years back and she never fully recovered so I wouldn’t want my mum to put that much responsibility on her. Plus I don’t want to live with anyone else I want my mum. I want my mum to live a long and healthy life. But I feel like she doesn’t care if she does

It’s making me feel so depressed just thinking about it I don’t know if she has a fear of going to the doctors and if she does I don’t know how to make her get over that fear

It’s just annoys me as well the fact that I’m going to the doctor about absolutely everything. I’ve been told I have to get a tonsillectomy, I’ve been told I’m anaemic as well so if I have to get iron infusions I will. I’ve gone to the doctor multiple times about other problems. But my mum won’t go about anything. I feel like if she doesn’t want to do it for herself I wish she’d just do it for me.

[Hidden]

Hello Peachy

How old is your Mother.

Consider talking with the Doctor regards the fear of falling of the bed, also explain she had done that on Her last visit. Your Doctor may have a bed with side arms fitted. they can be lifted very quickly, and lowered down just as fast. However if in the UK your GP will be able to arrange the infusions to be given in Hospital if the need arises. However I would imagine your GP will take more care and arrange some support to prevent it happening again

Older people can have some strange ideas and will pick up on family members activities. It may be she thought She would need to pay for the dropped yogurt, hence pushing it under the shelves. However that does not excuse what is right for one is ok for me. When in a way your Brother is still doing wrong does not make your Mothers activities the right way to go

Your Mam sounds cantankerous this is why I ask how old She is, if there can be something that is causing this type of attitude, all above. The Doctor may be able to help.

If I remember you are seventeen ? If this is the cause it may not be long for you to move on into your future life choices, if that is the case you MAY move on in your own life plans ?

It is important you also consider your own needs, and possible treatments. Remember if someone has bad attitude, you may wish in the future to move on.

BOB

[PeachyBlossom in reply to Hidden]

Hello again thank you so much for always replying to my posts it means a lot

My mum is turning 42 next month

I’m in Australia so I don’t know if they do that here I’ll have to mention that to my mum! They would definitely be more careful if my mum mentioned what happened last time and I’ve even said that to her but she still won’t go

I feel like she’s very angry because of her anxiety and depression I personally don’t think she’s on a high enough dose of antidepressants since she’s better then she was before she took them but still has very bad anxiety about a lot of things. She reckons she’s on the right dose though so she won’t mention that to her gp either

She’s very stubborn when it comes to getting things checked out which is very frustrating

And yes that’s right I’m 17 and I want to move out on my own and do my own thing but my anxiety physically stops me from doing anything it stopped me from going to high school, it stopped me from wanting to get a job, it stopped me from wanting to learn how to drive and so much more. My mum didn’t leave her parents home until last year and I honestly feel like I’m going to turn out the same way because my anxiety is that bad

[Hidden in reply to PeachyBlossom]

Hello Peachy

You need to discuss your Mental Health with your Doctor, before the appointment make a list on how you feel. You have a great deal on your mind so it is always good to talk and get your worries into perspective.

If your Mam was still living with her parents I gather you may have been with Her as well.

Your Mother sounds like She may be overwhelmed when she had be on Her own. If that is the case do you know the reasons for your move. Life can change and that can cause problems running Her own place.

BOB

[PeachyBlossom in reply to Hidden]

I was going to a counsellor before all the corona virus stuff happened but I stopped going once restrictions started.

Yeah I’ve been living with my mum and my grandparents my whole life. We only just moved last year because 1. My grandparents are very toxic people and they were constantly arguing with the both of us and holding us back in life and 2. Because my mum couldn’t find work where we were living before because it was a small country town with hardly any options for work.

[Hidden in reply to PeachyBlossom]

Your Mother could have picked up on the attitude of Her Parents and that is what you are picking up on now,,, Narcissist attitude. How did your Grandparents treat you and your Sister ?, Also your Mother, Daughter and you.

BOB

[PeachyBlossom in reply to Hidden]

I don’t have a sister? I’m an only child my mum has a brother that’s who I mentioned in the post but my grandparents were really nasty too us. My grandma felt the need to control our lives she always told me and my mum what we could and couldn’t do. She always used to tell lies to me about my mum and she used to tell my mum lies about me. Each time we had an argument my nan sneaked outside and used to complain about me to my grandfather while he was gardening which I thought was really toxic. Sometimes I just happened to be walking past an open window while she was outside with him and I heard her complaining about me multiple times while also sneaking a few lies in. Now that we’ve moved out my grandmother demands that we ring her every day in the morning for a few hours and at night for a few hours (so we never have time to ourselves anymore) and when she’s on the phone she does nothing but complain about things my mum and I are doing. Like for example my mum loves collecting 80’s horror movies and the merchandise to go with them and my nan judges her saying that she’s weird for doing it and saying that she should be saving her money and she judges me because I like collecting different cat plush toys for my room since I’m a huge cat lover and my nan says that I’m too old to be collecting them. Plus she judges what we eat, what our hobbies are, what we watch on tv etc etc

Now for my grandfather. He ignores his family! When my mum was a little girl we would go and drink at the pub while my nan looked after my mum and her brother (my uncle) all on her own. Now that my mums older he never tells her that he loves her. He never hugs her. Sometimes she’s been talking to him and he just walks past like she’s said nothing. Then she says to him “dad I’m talking to you!” And he responds with “oh I thought you were talking to Olivia (me)” and sometimes when he’s said that I haven’t even been in the room. He also cares more about tv then about his family. Sometimes we’ve said something too him and he’s snapped at us because he’s watching the television and if we keep continuing to talk to him he charges towards us in a very scary way. The worst thing he ever did was last year just before we moved out. My nan and I were arguing and my mum was trying to get us to stop but we weren’t listening because we were too involved in the argument then it all gets too much for my mum and she has a mental breakdown (she was hyperventilating, screaming at the top of her lungs, lying on the floor rocking back and forth) and when that happened my grandfather went charging towards her in a very violent way and yelled at her to shut up and to stop yelling. Then I yelled at him to stop talking to my mother that way then when I yelled that he came charging towards me! I had to run in my room and shut the door as fast as I could and I closed the door just in time before he got to me. After I closed the door he banged on it a few times then went back to yelling at my mother I stayed in there terrified until everyone calmed down. That was basically the last straw when my mum realised we needed to get out of there. I told my councillor that story and she rang up someone who deals with abuse and she said they might or they might not get back to us and they never did and that was the end of it.

There’s a lot more that happens with my grandparent but that’s the most of it

But now each time my grandparents come up for a visit they always have toxic arguments with us quite regularly! It’s awful!

I feel like we moved to get away from them but we still talk to them maybe even more now when we are on the phone then when we lived together! It’s absolutely ridiculous!

So yeah my mum is definitely not as bad as my grandparents but I think she’s definitely picked up in a few of their qualities.

[Hidden in reply to PeachyBlossom]

Problems built up in Childhood with Parents can affect the children life in adulthood.

One way around your concerns is lay out boundaries where if someone upsets you by negative attitude, you walk away and stay out of the way until everyone calms down.

The attitude with daily telephone calls is the same, any problems you close the conversation and not telephone back, they will call again, tell then you are not happy with their attitude and if they cannot be pleasant they are best not to phone, continue this until they get the message What you explain above is all down to control, they are dictating how they wish to control your household, they need to understand you and your Mother have grown up beyond their expectations and you live your life in your way. They are being bad mannered and need to let go of their expectations, that you should be controlled from them. It would seem your Mother has suffered upsets and not allowed to live her Life.

BOB