Today my mental illness created its own page in my journal. Something even in depths of anxiety and depression I could not have sequenced. Among the many nightmares I have had some were of not knowing a key fact that other people knew and would not tell me. Maybe that does not seem that scary but If you have a dream where people won’t talk to you and you are begging to know what’s going on only to see a missile fly through the air and then wake up in sweat it sure can make you not want to sleep again. And that’s how I feel now up so late. Yet it’s not a dream but what happened yesterday that is bothering me, I slept on my illness and two close people then woke it up and paraded it in front of me in the cruelest way.
In the depths of my worst health anxiety symptoms I was a wreck who constantly needed to seek assurances from all in my orbit. Those closest to my gravity felt the weight and naturally wanted to get away. My girlfriend became super aloof and distant. What I did not know was that she was secretly complaining to my best friend who had never been in a relationship with a woman but has been a knight none the less trying to help them as he can. In the crux of body checking and psychology visits they proposed asking my father for money so I could afford better treatment. I made it clear I would never do that and insisted they don’t either. 6 months later they did without telling me. It was a nice sum but not enough to heal me and I only agreed to use the money to make the both of them happy or at least not mad at me. Fast fwd a year later. My friend is really starting to treat me like a second class citizen. I find out he is upset with how I am treating my partner. I ask my girl if she speaks to him about our relationship and she denies it but he puts all this info in my face. It’s a bad time in our apartment the landlord is doing construction and it’s making my OCD go wild. I bother my girlfriend about it and age acts distant. One day my best friend proposes I live at his place to get away from the construction and because he needs to rent the place out while he goes to Asia for a few months. I move after talking to my girlfriend who said she wants me to move out and give her space and we are now exes. But when I go to move into my friends place he starts berating me like I robbed his soul? Yelling at me and talking over me. I almost leave with my van full of move in items but take a breath and he calms down and I move in. He leaves abruptly and then for the next month or so very much plays the part of an overbearing landlord.
Now 3 months later I have kept an amicable relationship with me ex. I left stuff in our old apartment because she said it was ok. I pay rent at my friends place and she has picked up the rent at our old place. I pay less but offered to use the place as an art studio and contribute more to make up the difference and she never responds to the offer therefore I am thinking all is ok. A week ago my friend tells me he must talk to me in person. I call him up and ask why he said he’s worried about my stuff being in his apartment. I assure him when h comes back from Asia, which he has not left for yet, I will take me stuff with me, he says he still wants to talk to me? I ask about what he says it’s ok and that’s that. I meet with my ex we have dinner together and she seems cold. The next day I see her again after I have an anxiety attack. Her sister is visiting and we have wine and all is good but my ex is acting cold again. So I text her I did not like the way she treated me. After that no response and then today happens. My best friend informs me I am living in a bubble and that I need to check my email and talk to him in person or else I must leave his apartment today! I check my email and it’s a message from my ex that my stuff must be out of the apartment by December 20th. My friend then after I tell him I don’t want to see him takes off of work comes over and admits to me he lied about asking me to rent the place because he was going away and that he did it to get me out of the house and give my girlfriend a break and that he was helping me and I owe him for this help! Then tells me he will help me move the stuff from the apartment and asks if I can commit to the Dec. 20th date! It was madness! In the email my ex says she only want to communicate by email and does not want to see me in person! Is it me them or my mind???
My wife is leaving me for another woman
thank you baba thelma
Im struggling with my life, someone please help me
Soooo Confused. I don't know which way is up and I need some UNBIASED opinions.
