Is it me or is it them or is it my mind?

[Tikirob]

Today my mental illness created its own page in my journal. Something even in depths of anxiety and depression I could not have sequenced. Among the many nightmares I have had some were of not knowing a key fact that other people knew and would not tell me. Maybe that does not seem that scary but If you have a dream where people won’t talk to you and you are begging to know what’s going on only to see a missile fly through the air and then wake up in sweat it sure can make you not want to sleep again. And that’s how I feel now up so late. Yet it’s not a dream but what happened yesterday that is bothering me, I slept on my illness and two close people then woke it up and paraded it in front of me in the cruelest way.

In the depths of my worst health anxiety symptoms I was a wreck who constantly needed to seek assurances from all in my orbit. Those closest to my gravity felt the weight and naturally wanted to get away. My girlfriend became super aloof and distant. What I did not know was that she was secretly complaining to my best friend who had never been in a relationship with a woman but has been a knight none the less trying to help them as he can. In the crux of body checking and psychology visits they proposed asking my father for money so I could afford better treatment. I made it clear I would never do that and insisted they don’t either. 6 months later they did without telling me. It was a nice sum but not enough to heal me and I only agreed to use the money to make the both of them happy or at least not mad at me. Fast fwd a year later. My friend is really starting to treat me like a second class citizen. I find out he is upset with how I am treating my partner. I ask my girl if she speaks to him about our relationship and she denies it but he puts all this info in my face. It’s a bad time in our apartment the landlord is doing construction and it’s making my OCD go wild. I bother my girlfriend about it and age acts distant. One day my best friend proposes I live at his place to get away from the construction and because he needs to rent the place out while he goes to Asia for a few months. I move after talking to my girlfriend who said she wants me to move out and give her space and we are now exes. But when I go to move into my friends place he starts berating me like I robbed his soul? Yelling at me and talking over me. I almost leave with my van full of move in items but take a breath and he calms down and I move in. He leaves abruptly and then for the next month or so very much plays the part of an overbearing landlord.

Now 3 months later I have kept an amicable relationship with me ex. I left stuff in our old apartment because she said it was ok. I pay rent at my friends place and she has picked up the rent at our old place. I pay less but offered to use the place as an art studio and contribute more to make up the difference and she never responds to the offer therefore I am thinking all is ok. A week ago my friend tells me he must talk to me in person. I call him up and ask why he said he’s worried about my stuff being in his apartment. I assure him when h comes back from Asia, which he has not left for yet, I will take me stuff with me, he says he still wants to talk to me? I ask about what he says it’s ok and that’s that. I meet with my ex we have dinner together and she seems cold. The next day I see her again after I have an anxiety attack. Her sister is visiting and we have wine and all is good but my ex is acting cold again. So I text her I did not like the way she treated me. After that no response and then today happens. My best friend informs me I am living in a bubble and that I need to check my email and talk to him in person or else I must leave his apartment today! I check my email and it’s a message from my ex that my stuff must be out of the apartment by December 20th. My friend then after I tell him I don’t want to see him takes off of work comes over and admits to me he lied about asking me to rent the place because he was going away and that he did it to get me out of the house and give my girlfriend a break and that he was helping me and I owe him for this help! Then tells me he will help me move the stuff from the apartment and asks if I can commit to the Dec. 20th date! It was madness! In the email my ex says she only want to communicate by email and does not want to see me in person! Is it me them or my mind???

[Tikirob]

Sorry for the angst ridden typos and Mes for My and such.

[Hidden]

Tikirob

Where in the world do you belong, it can be hard to advise

You seem to be in a hard place at the moment and you seem to need help looking for somewhere else to live as you are been moved between pillar and post. You seem to need a new place to live. You could try, if in the UK to contact the Council they may be able to help. Housing Associations can sometimes have properties to let. ??

I am a bit at a loss you mention your girlfriend is now living in your old address ? was the property in your name or Hers. If you are still on the agreement you do have the chance to return to your new home, in the UK if this is the case you are making yourself homeless.

You could again in the UK contact CAB they will have lists of companies who let out property. The Council also have lists you could try for somewhere to live ??

BOB

[Tikirob in reply to Hidden]

Hey hi Bob! I live in New York City. I am on the lease of my old place and my ex lives there but she wants to rent the place out. I have my life there because I thought I may move back but it seems that will not happen and now I may have no where to go. It just upset me like you said to be pushed here and there only to be yelled at for doing what seemed to be in the best interest of all involved.

[Hidden in reply to Tikirob]

Tikirob

If you are on the LET Agreement you have every right to return. In the UK this would point you as walking away from a lease. If homeless what are you considering, I would feel your EX would need to move out.?

Do you not feel you have been played by friend and girlfriend. How can your girlfriend rent out over your Head ?

What is it like to get a new LET in New York, if it is like here properties to LET are as rare as Hens Teeth.

I do not know the American System so I do not know what it is like to get a new address. All I know is you need a new home. This is going to be very stressful for you

BOB

[Tikirob in reply to Hidden]

Well what scares me is this is pretty atypical for my ex and although I am a pain in the ass to her there are definitely some external factors making her act like this. She said her sister had an intervention with her about my stuff and I do believe my friend has influenced her to take abrupt action I don’t believe they are intimate but I leave together they commiserate about me and he leads the decision making. She said she put me on the lease thinking I may move back which for a short time seemed feasible but to go from that thinking to get your stuff out is very passive aggressive. If I go a legal route I just see it as an extra stressor for everyone involved. I cannot thank you enough for responding to me and being helpful, it made my day to see your reply to know that people can be kind and helpful.